Well, as it seems I have opened the door to in depth discussion about my ovaries here, I am going to push through socially mandated barriers of docorum and wrap this little tale up.
Last night I was, in fact, a complete wreck about the appointment. Though I already had the initial diagnoses, I was to learn the results of tons of blood work and formulate a treatment plan. I was thoroughly convinced I was going to get even worse news, that they would find something terrible and I would be faced with a horrific diagnosis. I started fabricating illnesses such as uterus rot and ovarian calcification much to the bemusement and horror of my friends. I just prayed they wouldn’t tell me I had AIDS; who gets AIDS anymore? It is so pase and I cannot bear to be out of style.
I know, AIDS isn’t a joke. I love afterschool specials. I am sorry.
So, I meet Irish at the hospital and we get called back to the exam room fairly quickly. And then we waited. And waited some more.
And we waited a totality of of an hour and a half. Because you know what is kind, caring, and mentally healthy treatment by your health care professionals when you are waiting for bad news? Being locked in a room for an hour and a half alone with your own thoughts. At least Irish was in there with me. We started going through supplies.
Finally a resident comes in, a very nervous resident. I am sure she is a lovely, capable woman, but she seemed skiddish as hell and asked the silliest questions. When asking about my health the past few weeks, I mentioned I have been experiencing some anxiety (obviously). I thought it was pretty clear why, but the woman asked “Why is that?” I saw Irish’s eyes widen in my field of vision, so at least I felt somewhat vindicated in regards to her foolishness.
I don’t know why I am stressed, lady. Perhaps it is the uterus rot?
I get a bit stern and requested I see my doctor as soon as possible. She comes in, we start talking and basically I get…nothing. It is inconclusive as to why I have PCOS. My thyroid, sugar and hormone levels are all normal. I have PCOS, for sure. My ovaries are covered in cysts and I am going on six months now without a period, but it is all a bit of a mystery why this is happening. I got a medical shrug of the shoulders. She put me back on the pill; the hormones will help and in case my janky ovaries do decide to work, I don’t want any surprises. I was advised to stay aware about any changes in my body. I was advised to lose weigh, which I had been working on. Of course it doesn’t help that the PCOS is the reason I have been gaining, but I am currently working from a place where I believe my will is stronger than my ovaries and I will lose weight. I will win, I will get better.
And oh yeah, I was reminded that when I want to have a baby that I need to see a fertility specialist. Nature isn’t going to come naturally to me. I wasn’t at risk of forgetting that little gem.
So this is where I am. I am going to get a second opinion because I just want to be sure. Of course, I’m glad I didn’t get awful news, but this news was a bit limp. I want a diagnosis with some oomph. If I have to accept “unknown” I will…but I am not one to half ass anything. Even if the diagnosis is “Hmm, fucking weird”, I want it to be said with conviction. I’m not buying it quite yet.
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Definitely get a second opinion. A fresh set of eyes might see something different. . .or in this case, might see something.
Hang in there.
jordanbaker´s last blog ..Fearless and Fairly Intractable - League Championship Series
Second opinion for sure. The medical shrug of the shoulder is not terrible news but it’s hardly news at all in some ways. Just wanted to send some comment support, but want to avoid any cloying platitudes. However, I really hope this all gets better.
Still sounds lame. But the sentiment isn’t.
For sure get a second opinion, even a third if you feel it needed. It’s your body, you have to do what you feel is right.
lbluca77´s last blog ..25
i was thinking of you and your ovaries today. i’ve never said that to anyone and frankly, im glad you’re that person.
love you, and i agree, go for the second opinion… if for nothing else, at least a little more peace of mind about the “unknown.”
a second opinion is never a bad idea, but pcos is relatively poorly understood - there are some treatment options that are not so well-researched, and not the best option for most people. i am not in women’s health but i was actually diagnosed with pcos as a teenager and thus have been interested in it for quite some time - i think birth control for regulative purposes is pretty much standard treatment and then complications/other needs may alter it from there.
also keep in mind that pcos is a collection of symptoms by definition - like cancer, we don’t know exactly what causes it, and thus don’t know exactly how to treat it. even the best md in the world would have to accept this reality,
i know - i probably sound like the bad resident you spoke about. i’m sure the process of dealing with this is crazy difficult and i don’t mean to remove the human aspect of it by talking about it strictly in terms of treatments and clinical trials. it’s just that at the end of the day, we aren’t really able to make cancer patients stop being sad or pissed, but we are able to make them not puke constantly - after a while, you learn to focus on what you CAN do by accepting that your role is to address what you can (and that you can’t fix everything)
also in defense of the resident, if she hadn’t asked about your anxiety and it turned out that you were having symptoms of an anxiety disorder, it would be a pretty awful situation for her. as a student, i ask dumb questions all the time to cover my ass… even though maybe it would be easier on the patient not to do that, the reality is that like anyone else, we have people to answer to, too
sorry if i sound like an arse as i don’t know you (although i do love the blog!) and perhaps sound like i don’t appreciate the whole point of this post (i do) - i just felt compelled to play the devil’s advocate game with the poor skittish resident because i feel home girl’s pain. it’s hard out here for a pimp. also, you should consider forgiving my potentially insensitive comments (and prob the resident’s too) on the grounds of sleep deprivation - it’s not a great thing
hope your 2nd md will offer more aggressive treatment/options that otherwise ease your concern! please feel free to email me if you want to discuss particular physicians or some of the more experimental treatments. xo
leilani´s last blog ..g is the funniest person i know
I am sure the resident is lovely and I do feel bad for her. I have two friends who are residents so I know residents are real people, etc. This morning-after all the waiting-I especially was not in the mood.
But you are right. There are a lot of unknowns and I might have to just accept it, but I don’t think there is harm in seeing someone else. I like my doctor a lot, but even awesome doctors miss things occasionally.
Thanks for reading. I am honest, so I welcome other people to be honest, as long as they aren’t mean (and you weren’t).
Hmmm. Fucking weird.
Suburban Sweetheart´s last blog ..Conversations With My Mother
I appreciated the aids joke. I like your macabre material. Did I use that right? I have no idea, but I wanted to work it in.
Nice of the doctors to make you wait. I may have passed out from the waiting. A-holes.
Rahul´s last blog ..Ain’t No Party Like a Rescue Party Cause a Rescue Party Loves Dressing Up
Well, at least they *didn’t* tell you that you had ovarian rot.
It is beyond frustrating to have something undefinable going on in your body—to not be able to say, “THIS is what’s wrong, and THIS is what’s causing it, and THIS is what we’re going to do.” You’d think, given how far we’ve come in medicine, that would be the case for every sniffle and sore ache. Alas. Not so much.
Hang in there, lady. I’m thinking of you!
Hannah´s last blog ..On turning 30- Part II
Sorry that they couldn’t give you a more defined answer. But it’s good that you’re making an effort to get an answer, and it’s good that you had someone there with you. You have a lot of people out there who ignore pains and other body issues they may have, and by the time they see the need to do something, it’s too late.
Kayode Kendall´s last blog ..State Of The Union Address
Most DEFINITELY get a second opinion! As someone who is going through shit (with migraines) and keeps getting, “We have no idea why they changed all of a sudden,” I completely understand your frustration. But keep searching. *hugs*
As a male, I’m not even sure I can imagine what you are going through, but my thoughts are with you. My mother suffered through nearly a decade of migraines, vision spots, and other maladies until she fainted into a near coma and they finally found a brain tumor. No one should have to go through not knowing what’s going on, but a second opinion may shed some light.
Dude. You deserve more answers than that. Go get them.
I am so glad you’ve decided to seek a second opinion! I wanted to mention this to you yesterday but I thought I would hold back a day or two with that suggestion as you didn’t seem as though you were in the mood to hear it yesterday…undestandably so! As for me, I think I would definately want more details about everything, especially the type cysts you have. I’m here for you and I love you!
I hope that things get better for you and that you get some conviction with that second opinion. *hug*
Grace´s last blog ..A South American Adventure
There is nothing worse than “we don’t know what’s wrong with you” or “this is your problem but we don’t know what caused it.” That seems to run rampant in the women in my family and it’s fucking miserable. I think it’s a great idea to keep digging, it certainly can’t hurt and perhaps another doctor will have more information or a different angle to approach things from. But I’m also glad to hear you don’t have a super-obvious and deadly case of uterine rot.
Mary´s last blog ..Tinkering
They’ve done clinical trials with mixed results using Metformin as a way of helping with weight loss. The side effects are a bitch, but there is some evidence that it could help. There is also some evidence that it will go away completely if you can get down to a healthier weight and maintain it.
Other than that, I’ve been told to low carb that shit (I know. Absolute travesty). My basic understanding is that my large PCOS body rejects carbs (which is why I always want them), and so in turn, they become fat (fuckers), and losing weight is a fucking battle from hell. I’ve given up on diet coke (mostly) because artificial sweetners also increase carb cravings, but I still get them. It’s an unfortunate chemical thing. I will say this: when I do, it works. It’s just hard to almost give up bread and beer and alcohol.
Good luck with getting a second opinion! My gyno office is pretty awesome, and they take many types of insurance, so PM me if you want their info.
Vie´s last blog ..Hard Lessons