On Morality, Comedy and Parenthood

June 25, 2012

This morning, Louis CK was interviewed on the Today Show. Look, I know the Today Show is pretty fluffy, but I need my local weather and traffic wheile I get ready, so right now I am stuck staring at Ann Curry’s infantile attire every morning. It came as no shock that the piece on CK was paper thin; one cannot expect a hard hitting piece on the intricacies of his humor shoe horned between a segments on the best shrimp recipes for the summer and the latest Kimye news. So yeah, I suppose I got what I was asking for with the crap they tried to pass of as real look at such a rich and complex comedian. The woman who interviewed CK did seem hung up on one thing, though, and this stuck in my craw; his use of colorful language. She asked him why he “took the easy way out” with his humor and challenged him “as a mother to clean up his act”.

I have a few problems with this, as you may imagine.

First, if anyone thinks anything about CK’s humor is easy, they clearly do not have two brain cells to rub together. I reject their self appointment as arbitrator of humor. It struck me as a completely tone deaf thing to say; at the very least, you have shown you have not actually watched the man’s stand up.

But, what really got me was the insinuation that parents have the market cornered on morality. She, “as a mother”, felt she had to tell him to shape up his language. She may have well rapped his nose and called him “young man”. And this is where I say: NOT EVERYTHING IS FOR CHILDREN. Louis CK uses the word fuck liberally, but even if stripped of the oh so naughty language, his act would still explore some really dark and twisted parts of the human condition. No amount of scrubbing will change the crux of his act.

I don’t know when we changed as a society, but why must everything be palatable and accessible to children? Why aren’t some things just for grown ups? I spent the weekend in New Orleans and found myself shocked at the amount of children I saw wandering Bourbon Street, taking in various acts of debauchery and depravity. It is not a place for children (not to mention how unfair it is to the poor kids being dragged down a street of drunks past their bed time), yet somehow we got it in our collective heads that kids should be part of everything, toted around everywhere. Fancy restaurants, late night films, the Vegas strip….and now this woman is asking a comedian to clean up his act? An act that is meant to be told in dark bars full of smoke and chock full of cynicism? When will it end?

The fact that I have fourteen Facebook friends who have young children with the same name makes a pretty solid point that all parents are not paragons of original thought and creativity. Conversely, the amount of internet memes forwarded from single folks and painfully dull dates I have been on proves that all single and childless people aren’t all that funny either. Some of the funniest people I have had the pleasure of knowing were from my gig at MamaPop, a blog written for and mostly by parents. I am in no way saying parents aren’t funny, but I am becoming increasingly frustrated that it seems certain sets of society feel that being a parent gives them some kind of higher voice, greater cause, an excuse to wag their finger because little Johnny may hear the big, bad words. Being funny is hard, speaking truths is difficult and that this ridiculous war between those with children and those without has got to end.

And finally, CK is a notoriously involved parent to his two young daughters. So, for now, I hope he shields his kids from the fact that the world can be shit and suffering, but full of wonderful moments of light and hope. When he finally let’s them in on the real deal, I certainly hope he never uses the words darn and poo.

24 Comments · Filed Under: F is for feminist, Popping Off, Uncategorized

On Contraception, Being A Slut, and Where We Are

March 8, 2012

So, as one might imagine, I have some opinions on the whole contraception debate going on in this country. I have watched this whole fiasco-the Virginia ultrasound bill, the Limbaugh-Fluke shaming and the Congressional hearings-with great interest. If you are my friend on Facebook or Twitter, you have likely witnessed my near apoplectic state in the past month or so.

I have talked about it a lot and, as I have PCOS, a lot of people have come to me to chat about this horror show. And yes, I am the perfect example of someone who would be punished if my employer had moral concerns about my Nuva Ring. I am on birth control to help treat off-the-wall hormones and close to a hundred cysts lining my ovaries. My prescription has everything to do with my health and nothing to do with my sex life.

But.

I have been on birth control since I was 16. It was a lapse in my pill that made me realize I suffered from PCOS (and explained a whole lot about my other health issues). And I was using contraception because I am a woman who enjoys sex. I have been raked over the coals even here about that; my choices have been criticized merely because I own and enjoy my sexuality.

So, I guess my struggle with all this has been thus; I hate the tenor of this conversation. I hate that we all scream about the women’s health issue of these terrible laws, but sweep under the rug women are self possessed creatures who want to get off. By no means am I poo-pooing the importance of contraception for health concerns; I am one of those women. But does that mean perfectly healthy women should be punished for desiring to exert control over their lives?

I wish I didn’t have to cite my health issues when discussing this matter, that since I am sick I have more authority to speak on this. I don’t. That this issue has been sanitized, cleaned up saddens me. Not every woman is sick, but every woman should be able to assert her sexual autonomy.

I like sex. Women like sex, regardless of sexual orientation, health status, or class. This conversation: we are doing it wrong.

19 Comments · Filed Under: F is for feminist

On Coping

March 14, 2011

I have nothing profound to add to the dialogue about Japan. I have watched in horror along with everyone else as that country suffers through a tragedy that is unthinkable and unimaginable. The photos leave me speechless and swallowing hard.

I am, though, riveted by how people are reacting and coping with this news.

It has been interesting to observe people’s reactions to this disaster. I have been surprised (though perhaps I shouldn’t be)by how many people have been chastised about bitching about their little problems or simply talking about their own lives the past few days. On Facebook and Twitter, I’ve seen people say things such as “I can’t believe you are talking about your new iPad with everything going on in Japan” or “The people in Japan wish they had shoes to complain about” or some such.

And here is the thing. The world can be quite terrible. There are 9-year-old girls caught up in sex trafficking. Children are being forced to kill their countrymen. Poverty and famine spans the globe. Murder rates are staggering throughout this country. Haitians are still living in tent camps a year after the earthquake and New Orleans is still in shambles.

This is where I feel the need to say there is beauty and wonder in this world. I see it, I really do. People are selfless and giving and have huge capacities for love. The world can be a gorgeous place filled with enduring friendships and beautiful oceans and deep devotion.

Yet, the horrible stuff, the truly ugly things, are always there, always in the background. We can think about it and volunteer and give our money, but there is a hell of a lot of suffering out there. We can’t always focus on it because the grief and horror of it all would press is down to the ground. So, we bitch about the bus being late and our overcooked steak at the posh restaurant or that flaky friend who never comes through on her plans. These little distractions and annoyances are our lives-the mundane and the good and the bad and the ugly-and we should not apologize for living our lives. How annoying would it be if every time you complained about your dry cleaning bill someone reminded you of the infanticide in China.

You know. It is terrible, but it doesn’t also change that those bastards are gouging you at the dry cleaners.

We have to live our lives, our lives that we are undoubtedly happy and grateful for, but a life that can sometimes distract us from all the horror in the world. We’re coping.

So, bitch, please. And don’t apologize. Give the finger to that ass that cuts you off and mutter at the woman holding you up at the grocery store. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care about all the pain and suffering in the world, it just means that you are dealing with your world as best you can on a daily basis.

And maybe as you wait in line at the godforsaken DMV, make a call and donate some money to the Red Cross.

24 Comments · Filed Under: F is for feminist, Popping Off

On Sheen

November 22, 2010

I have an insatiable hunger for celebrity gossip. Now, I do have my lines. I think paparazzi who chase after children are special kinds of assholes and crossing property lines is pretty abhorrent, but I do think that when a celeb dines at Spago, they have no right to get pissed when their picture is snapped. If a celeb has made a career about being a “good guy”, I don’t feel too bad when he is found with his pants around his ankles. I know lots of people like to act above it and feel a sense of pride when they don’t know who a certain celeb is, but myself? I love it.

I have been watching this whole Charlie Sheen debacle with rapt attention. Let me clarify; the most recent Charlie Sheen debacle, where it appears he went on a rampant coke binge, choked a porn star, threw a lamp at said porn star and scared her so much that she locked herself in the bathroom.

Today, Sheen’s publicist released the following statement in an attempt to publicly shame the woman involved in the most recent arrest:

This is a woman who, for the right amount of money, sleeps with strangers.

This woman, Capri Anderson, has denied that she is a prostitute. It is, though, not up for debate that she is a porn star. Let’s, for a minute, believe that she is a prostitute, that Charlie Sheen paid her money for sex. He paid her money for sex. I don’t quite understand why it is worse for this woman to take money for sex than it is for Mr. Sheen to pay for sex, over and over and over again.

Ah, the whole virgin whore complex. Right.

Prostitution should be legal. It is going to take place whether it is against the law or not, so why not regulate it? Of course this will never happen in our buttoned up, puritanical society. It would take unfathomable work to get over centuries of sexism and openly examine how we view sex. More to the heart of the matter, tax payer money would have to go towards STD testing, government regulated hotels, and prosecuting Johns/Janes that mistreat their employees. As Americans, we would much rather use our money towards a futile battle against drugs and fighting wars we can never win. Hell will freeze over in the United States before women are allowed to have agency over their own bodies, especially if it means using them for money.

As I have watched this unfold, I have become angered, but not surprised, at some of the commentary. “Like choking never happens in porn” and “porn is the same as prostitution” has both been bandied about. Yes, choking happens in porn. Yes, some women like to be choked or like to do the choking. I fail to see how this is relavent. Sexual practices and personal kinks cannot be regulated nor should they be suppressed if they are done amongst consenting adults. Women with rape fantasies do not deserve to be raped, women who enjoy being choked should not be beaten and all women should be able to express themselves sexually without fear of bodily harm outside the bedroom. Fantasies are just that; we should not be punished for them.

Porn is a complex issue; women are often humiliated, but some of us get off on that. There is violence and things that many of us don’t understand, but I would be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t watched it. Things get really complicated when you try to regulate sexual desire and attempt to draw a line on what is and is not degrading. What is offensive and base to one person is Tuesday night to another.

But this is what I know: a woman was beaten, threatened and terrified and she has become the butt of endless jokes. I think we can all agree that Charlie Sheen isn’t a great guy. He has three daughters and as many ex wives, yet he never seems to reflect on how his behavior affects the women in his life and what he is telling them when he acts in such a way. He has been in and out of rehab without ever really attempting to recover, beaten former wives, and has been arrested more times than I have fingers. Yet, we reward him with an obscene salary and allow him to shame a woman for taking the money he offered for sex. I am not saying Capri Anderson is a saint; any person who goes home with Charlie Sheen is at the very best lacking in judgment. It just makes me sick that beating a woman is tolerated, laughing at her plight is common place, and rewarding the man involved for his continual bad behavior is never questioned.

We can do better than this.

18 Comments · Filed Under: F is for feminist