So, my fear of crime is well known.
Of course, I do not help this much with my obsession with crime documentaries and nearly daily viewings of SVU. I just cannot quit Elliot Stabler, even if his inability to not become emotionally involved with the victims sometimes makes me insane. I mean, you are a cop, dude. Grow a thicker skin and learn how to depersonalize.
Anyway, so this charming and endearing characteristic even follows me in to my own home. More than I would care to admit, I wake up in the middle of the night convinced there is someone in my apartment. I fully recognize how ridiculous this is given that my place has one door and it is the size of a postage stamp, but humor me here. The alley below me is loud and full of drunks and I live near a major road. Sometimes there is a startling noise and I always think I am about to be pilaged.
I really need to quit the SVU.
So, the other night, I fell asleep semi-propped up by pillows. One pillow somehow ended up running perpendicular to the wall, standing upright lengthwise above my head. In the middle of the night, it fell on my face. Even in my sleep, I must have assumed this was some sort of bed intruder, primed to kill me dead. In one fell swoop, I punched that pillow across the room, sending it flying clear in to the windows on the opposite wall. As the blinds shook from the impact, I shot up in bed, heart racing, nearly having messed myself.
And then laughed hysterically with a sense of relief that if I am ever the victim of a home invasion, I will be able to protect myself if said intruder is stuffed with a fluffy down filling.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
This is amazing. You schooled that pillow!
I sometimes hang my clothes for the next day over the top of our bedroom door. In my contacts lens-less state in the middle of the night, there have been many a time that I about peed myself thinking someone (in a modest dress, no less) was standing in my doorway.
As for that pillow, I imagine it’ll be laying low from now on.
Props to you, even more so for the down filling.
Remind me to tell you about the night I woke up to see the light of a red laser pointer shooting about my room.
I had to stop watching SVU when I was in DC when I thought that I saw a severed hand while getting on the metro (i of course had to blog about it). I was the only one to notice it though so it clearly wasn’t what I thought it was.
I also have sever security issues. Thanks for this post. It made me laugh and let me know I’m not alone
I should probably be more afraid of crime, as someone who lives a block from where a drive-by killed a 16-year-old kid, and yet, I wander my neighborhood at night, alone, assuming I’m a bad ass. I’m not naive, I just think that my street cred is apparent in my demeanor and if someone messes with me, that street cred will prove itself useful. My cop dad should have really done a better job instilling worry in me.
and by sever, I mean severe*
Now that I’m in NY I swear there are areas I only recognize as a L&O or SVU crime scene.
You should stop watching SVU because of the boring same-ness of al the episodes, not because it makes you afraid of your pillow.
All the episodes.
ALL.
I agree with Twisted. For god’s sake, just start watching all the vampire, zombie and ghost stories if you’re going to be scared. Those things don’t actually exist. Unfortunately. I could go for a Vampire Diaries orgy.