I was sick this weekend, finally succumbing to the illness that has been floating around my office. Plans were canceled and I hunkered in my tiny apartment, mainlining Nyquil and chicken soup graciously delivered by my friends. Saturday late afternoon I dozed off for several hours. Upon waking up, I rolled over and grabbed my blackberry. Someone had commented on a recent blog post:
“Lemmonex, are you putting on weight again? Oh no”.
Well, that woke me up quickly. I know it is a side effect of living my life openly that people feel they can comment freely on my choices, my attitude, and my body. I am comfortable with most of the choices I have made in my life and openly admit my shortcomings. I live a life ensconced in overkill and excess and I hope that never changes. I have screwed some things up quite spectacularly and I own this. If people think I am a bitch or a hardass or delusional, they are completely free to feel as such. They don’t have to live with me and they certainly don’t get to see the softer and much more tolerable me.
The comments about my body get me the most, though. How can they not? It is insulting. Of course I know I have gained weight. I own a mirror and I have a stack a foot high of pants that don’t fit me. I also have a pile of bills from the doctor explaining this sudden weight gain and a diagnosis that I haven’t fully accepted yet. The comments upset me most not because some anonymous jerk feels emboldened to snark on my body, but because I have barely processed it. Am I sarcastic and brash and withholding at times? Fuck yes, and I know this. But overweight again? Fuck no. I don’t want to be here.
I have been working my ass off and I have managed to lose five pounds recently, five pounds that clung on for dear life. I never stopped going to the gym. This week I start Weight Watchers again, knowing that it works, knowing that it will be harder this time around, knowing it is what I have to do. I hate that I am here again, but it is life. I have accepted that all I can do is my best…and I really am.
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F them. That’s what I say.
Agreed, I am with you.
You dont need to explain your body or your size to some commentator on a blog !
I don’t…you are right. But it did effect me, so it was worth “working out” on the blog for me.
Gross. Not you gross, gross commenter gross. Gross.
True. Story.
Lemmonex, are you being adorable and self confessional again? Fabu!
Susan´s last blog ..
I am pretty adorable. (Thanks.)
Call me crazy, but as someone who obsesses about her weight way more than is healthy (or even normal) I have to say that if that’s the worst thing someone can say, that you may be gaining weight, you’re in a pretty good place. Of course, it’s sad and stupid that some bitter person would make that comment, but honestly, they clearly have way more serious issues than some recent overindulgence!
leilani´s last blog ..someone is bitter
It is just crappy but a biproduct of this.
*shakes head* what an asshole. i think you look great. i hope you can get back to your happy body place at a reasonable pace given the health bs. (i also hope any upcoming doc visits go well)
michelle´s last blog ..just cant hide it
Why thanks…I need to call a doctor, this week. You remind me.
I’m sorry about that. You put your life out there and you mostly get kindness back, but there’s always the threat of suckiness as well. What a deliberately mean thing to say. There isn’t a woman I know who wouldn’t flip out hearing that. It’s the easiest way to make a person feel terrible.
Lemon Gloria´s last blog ..The sparkle moments
Yeah, it does seem like a slow pitch down the middle…a very easy way to be mean.
three words. fuck the haters.
keep being fabulous.
(i suppose that was three more words…)
dominique´s last blog ..glass cubes
I like those 6 words. Thanks.
You know I get this really fucking well, and that person should be ashamed of themselves. I never understand the need to point out weight gain…like, yeah, I get it. It’s not fun to admit to yourself and it extra sucks when people point it out.
Amy´s last blog ..On Being A Struggler
MY EYES ARE NOT BROKEN. Nor is my scale, even if I wish it was.
Hey - based ona couple of exchanges I have had with you in the past I personally don’t agree with a bunch of things you put on here and I do feel that you selectively filter out hard questions, but, on this:
1) You sort of look nice in the pic you posted in the previous post.
2) This sounds like new age babble because…..it is; does not mean it is not true: I haven’t read too many of your posts but I have read enough to gather that you have weight issues because of some medical condition and you have worked had at winning the battle in the past and so this thing resonates with you -more so because you yourself feel that you are a bit overweight. Well, fine but here is the deal which most people know but forget: you cannot control what others say/do but you can control how you let it affect yourself. How about this - every time someone mentions the word weight, regardless of whether the context is negative or positive - why don’t you use it to remind yourself of the your determination to win the battle in the past and your dedication to staying healthy now…basically use it as a trigger to reinforce the relevant positive qualities in you.
Zen!
You are right; I can control how it effects me. It obviously upset me, but didn’t send me in to a spiral, so that is a start.
A note on selectively answering things: I have received much criticism here, some warranted. I welcome it and have had many email exchanges with people. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me at all times. In fact, I have even changed my mind on certain things. That being said, I don’t find it necessary or useful to answer questions that I deem as attacks or people just looking to tell me how I should live my life without any useful dialogue…especially when the emails/comments come from anon emails. I have the balls to live my life here openly, I expect people who tell me what an asshole I am to do the same. A lot of the comments/questions/emails I receive are not about me at all, but someone looking to lash out or rant. That isn’t my problem.
I guess we’ll agree to disagree on this one - I can’t remember the details but I felt you were all over the semantics and tone of what I had written rather than the content. Anyway, it’s your blog and obviously your choice what you want to write about/answer.
I have an update to what I posted yesterday - I was curious and just checked out a couple of other pics of you on your blog because I hadn’t seen anything other than the one from your previous post: weight or no weight I think you know in your head that you are way, way better than average. You do right? I gotta admit it wasn’t easy typing that out given I do disagree with you fair amounts (see above!) but well I was really surprised. Everyone should try and keep their weight in check - that is just healthy - but I must admit I was surprised to see that someone like you that seems pretty confident can have doubts about how she looks. Man, the demons in our head. You really should have other things to worry about - like dude unless you have a serious fetish for retro, drop the blackberry.
Eff them in the A.
Clearly this person needs to work on their insides, instead of worrying about someone else’s outsides.
Your being open and having balls doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings. They can get bent.
They as in anon commenter, get bent as in suck my dick.
Over and out. I am following you sister.
What everyone else already said! And then some!!
Your feisty, unapologetic openness here is what makes you such an incredible writer, blogger, woman. Anyone who points out otherwise is, well, missing the point.
Hannah´s last blog ..The thought of losing you
Why thanks, my friend. Far too kind. Not everything on here makes me proud, but it is what it is.
how intentionally cruel and hurtful. jerks. im sorry.
Eh, whatever. Old news now, eh?
Comments like that are never necessary. I don’t understand why others think someone’s weight is their business. My weight is between me and me.
lbluca77´s last blog ..The internet…not just for shopping and porn anymore
that’s the problem….it’s between you and you and it will always stay between you and you hahahahahahh……tramp
Oh jesus. Thanks for adding to the conversation.
Agreed and agreed.
Because someone was acting like a jerk, I will offer you - just once - a free mustache ride.
Phil´s last blog ..Once more into the breach
It is my lucky day!
Fuck that guy. It’s not his business. Losing weight with PCOS is a bitch, and I speak from experience, as someone who can’t seem to get below a certain threshold no matter what. Good for you for not giving up the fight.
Vie´s last blog ..On Being a Lover vs Being a Monogamist
It really wasn’t about the guy, to be honest. I mean, sure it burned, but more a statement about how I am dealing with this…which is just doing my best.
do we never leave middle school and high school? why do people insist on continuing to be mean and insulting? UGH.
perhaps they should just wear a bit of leopard print and be happy!!! {I’m wearing leopard print shoes today: thought that would cheer you up!!!!}
Olga @ MangoTomato´s last blog ..What to do with persimmons Persimmon- avocado & pistachio salad
Viva la leopard print. You know I support this.
Haters gon’ hate. Keep doing you, love. I miss you, may have to make a dc visit soon here.
Come visit me, Matt! I miss you too.
Girl - you’re amazing. I’m glad you’re working through it and glad you feel like you can share this all here but FUCK the person who thinks it’s appropriate to leave a comment like that. You beautiful, radiant woman — you deserve happiness and self-love.
You are amazing. Isn’t this a lovefest!
dang i feel so satisfied at the honor of having a post dedicated to me. your stupid - why don’t you just give up and make the whole blog password protected….a whole bunch of us will rest easy having vanquished you and your semi-intelligent ramblings………it’s the big league girl…just you and your ass-licking under confident fans calling people like me names, calling us scared means jackshit…we got your number here……….and you and they know it.
It isn’t dedicated to you, but rather a reaction to how it made me feel. I am not quite sure what you mean with the rest of this comment, but thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I don’t usually post here, but seriously, just ignore this guy/girl (i’m actually guessing girl). Sorry to hear about the health problems you’ve been having. My gf went through something similar recently.
You are totally right and here is where I perhaps was not as articulate as I could have been: I meant this to be more of a reflection on dealing with the weight thing and the sick thing and on how sometimes people’s perceptions bother me…but only for so long. I don’t think I was giving this person much power, honestly, and I hope I can maintain that.
Oh, you know what he means Lemmy - it’s the “big leagues”! And “crucifier” is a professional…no, not at spelling or grammar, but at posting on blog sites.
It’s his job to let us know ‘what’s what’ - sadly there are many unanswered questions from this internet sage. His anonymity prevents us from tracking him to other sites to see what opinions he has on things like whether something is ‘gay’ or if a certain person has “shit for brains”, for example.
Oh, crucifier! Your wit and wisdom are fleeting! One moment you are here, and then you are off, likely to masturbate for 3 hours before playing Call of Duty on your XBox….
We should thank him, not slander him, for imparting such insight, albeit cliched.
Phil´s last blog ..Once more into the breach
Phil dunno how i missed your comment on the first run but here are a few things for you to munch on: i think that you weren’t loved as a child and so you need to find people to love and like you but stop this obvious white knighting - you already have lemmonexs love. unless you are just itching to get more of her love aka having her shove a dildo up your ass.
i love how you morons trash other peoples grammar spelling. ok so you have a phd in english you are still a stupid pig clamoring for affection. just as you accuse people like me of making blanket statements you are guilty of the same…you already imply what my opinions on homosexuality and all that are…i’ll tell you this much you’re wrong as you probably are about most things. i’ll give you some things - yeah i am a little fucked in the head i know that 2 tours of duty in iraq and 1 in afghanistan would do it to you…fucked as i might be in the head i am sure the way i feel about lemmonex and your stupid you pat my ass i will pat yours camaraderie would be the same even without seeing what i have. i am sure you’ve already jumped to other conclusions about me so let me clear up your doubts: i am actually a registered democrat and anti prop 8 you dipshit.
lastly for the cheap shot about me masturbating……..fair enough. i would take similar cheap shots if someone was making my mother gargle with their you know what.
See?
Professional commenter. And war veteran, to boot! Which means we’re supposed to excuse his insults because he fought in Iraq, which is irrefutable because everything on the internet is true.
Thanks again, crucifier for helping us all see the light, and for throwing in a gay joke to boot (a little predictable, but I figure you’re doing this on thousands of other blogs as well, plus you’re a war vet so I’ll give you some slack).
And yes, my mother has quite an active sex life.
Phil´s last blog ..Once more into the breach
I’ll never understand the purpose of leaving such pointless, hateful comments on another person’s blog.
This is probably someone whose advances you’ve rejected, and thus there is some sort of “point” to their spewed bile. Hopefully, you realize this.
The your stupid bit is always a classic, by the way. Gets me every time.
I know. It seriously cracks me up.
I’m sorry. Best of luck to you dear. “Under confident fans”, huh? Well… I’m just going to move along… Because all that smack that they’re talking as an anonymous comments speaks volumes. They don’t have the balls to say it to anyone’s face, especially yours.
I always wonder why people feel the need to comment on things that obviously aren’t their business. Let me know if you want a wieght watchers buddy, I’ve never tried it but am open to it.
I think the biggest thing a woman can do is be happy and healthy. You seem happy with yourself, but as you have said you just need to be more diligent with maintaining your health.
As for the person who commented on your wieght tell them to read the Portia deRossi book. I’m reading it now and the things that strikes me is how being skinny doesn’t necessarily mean your happy or healthy. So many woman are suffering from issues related to weight no matter how they look. As someone who has hated myself regardless of wheather I was a size 0 or 14 I say shame on your to the commentor. That person should know that it’s hard enough living with your own criticism without having some stranger chime in.
Pixie´s last blog ..The Hot Dog Delimma…
Something you never, ever, under any circumstances say to a woman. And if this critter is over the age of 12 he should know that.
SOMEBODY WROTE THAT ON A POST????????????? Who? Where does that person live? Seriously. I will go to that person’s house and we will have a chat about common decency. WTF? Because obviously that person’s 5th grade teacher or momma did not teach them that you do not ever comment on a person’s weight ever. Especially if said person is a woman. Now. Give me that person’s name.
*grumble grumble grumble grumble*
It has forever amazed me how people feel the need to point out that you have gained weight. Like it is something you have not noticed. A person knows when they have gained weight, it is not necessary to point it out. In fact, it is quite rude to comment on it! Much like asking a woman when she is due if she has not specifically told you she is pregnant. This really brings to mind if you cannot say something nice, just keep your trap shut!
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