For a very long time, I feared that I was screwed up, lacking in some way, that the thoughts that often clang through my brain were that of a damaged person. I thought, really, that those worries, that late night hand wringing meant I was beyond repair. I was convinced I wasn’t normal.
And what the past year of my life has really taught me is that I am painfully normal. Fears of being alone? Common. Weight struggles? A dime a dozen. Health issues? One of a million.
I am an average woman with average concerns and anxieties and insecurities and problems. Those clanging thoughts are no louder than that of any other and those fears are not more profound. My road blocks match those of a thousand others.
My heart is not more broken, nor my sorrows more complex. My mistakes, which I clung to so fiercely for so long, are mere blips. My pains are real, yes, but nothing I can’t survive.
My desires? Mundane, average. Hopefully a husband that tolerates my constant self examination and a few babies to add an element of chaos. Sure, I hope this man rejects khakis and those babies will be of the city variety, but these are also simple deviations of a very basic dream.
The brass ring I am reaching for is not shinier. My star is not murkier. I am an average woman, fairly simple under all the attitude and hairspray.
I like it this way. It’s a comfort. I am not alone.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Very nice post. I wrote about a similarly theme a few months back and reached a similar conclusion..there is comfort in being average. (Here’s a linky-dink if you want to read it…http://wp.me/p1jWky-51) We’re all striving wanting to be special or distinguished in some way, and indeed we are, but we’re also a lot alike. I like it this way, too.
You can’t compare your struggles or goals or level of happiness with anyone else - all that matters is that it’s important to you. One person’s average is another’s far-reaching goal.
Love this, Lexa. You are definitely not alone, but I would argue that you are above average in so many ways. (All the good ways.)
You are anything but average. You are a gem in a land of rocks. I adore you and know you will find that man who sees everything that I see in you. He’ll treat you like the precious stone that you are.
Lady, as Jules said, you are way more than average. And you are not alone.
Oh honey bunny, I think in this post you have defined growing up in such a beautiful way. A lot of folks can’t make the shift and remain forever focused on how their pain is a special, special snowflake. It may feel valid to them, but it will ensure that their experiences will limit them, not shape them. And, as anyone who has met you can attest, you ain’t average, sweet pea.
Lexa, great post! I agree with your meaning, I think, but maybe not the English word.
If I recall correctly, it was a common enough occurrence with first generation immigrants last century, that they would arrive in the US or the UK and want to open up a shop. And that they’d try to come up with a word that describes their business in an honest yet positive way; that they’re selling good products but nothing extravagant and thus wasteful. So you’d end up with Regular Market and Common Shoppe and Average Indian Restaurant.
That’s because in our language, unique and exceptional things (good or bad) get the labels with a positive connotation while things that are decent but found in abundence get labels with a negative connotation. Perhaps it’s our puritan work ethic, perhaps it’s our capitalistic society, but whatever the reason: there you go.
The thing is, you’re right. Those elements of your life are shared by many women- many people- and that’s something that I agree should comfort you because it means you are among colleagues-at-arms most of the time. But the label feels negative.
I would say: You are not weird. You are not abnormal. You are not peculiar. You are none of the extremes that make the negative people stand out. But as one of thousands or even millions who have similar elements in their lives, you’re also right that you are not alone.
You are legion.
- @paulidin
I love everything about this.
Not to diminish the rest of your post, but are khakis really that bad? I mean, yeah, pleated ones are awful and you shouldn’t where khakis everyday, but I think they can be worn well. Or at least I want to think that since I own khakis.
I use khakis are more as a short hand. not really in to clean cut/preppy guys. But I am sure they look great on you.
The one thing you’re not is average. That’s all I’ll say.
Oh, and I hate khakis. They make everyone’s butt look ten times bigger than it is, so, men who are reading this, if you’ve got some junk in the trunk, avoid them. And if you’re a not-butt white guy, go ahead, wear the khak.
Great post! I agree with Bitchy McSnarkster in that you’re not average. But that doesn’t mean your problems can’t be common or translatable to others and vice versa. It’s the way in which you deal with them that matters.
Love this.