It seems like such a frivolous thing, girly and pink and a frilly sentiment wrapped in a pink bow. You think flowers and chocolate and awful teddy bears proclaiming that they would like you to “Be Mine”.
But really what it is a text message in the middle of the night. “I can’t sleep. I am thinking of you.” And it is spelled correctly because you hate text speak. It is an appreciation of the outfits everyone finds kooky. It is a kiss on the top of the hand in a dark movie theater and an outreached arm to help you climb out of that awful taxi van. It is remembering your best friend’s name and asking when she is back in town. It is rolling your eyes but happily talking to my mother when she asks to speak to you. It is showing up on time. It is telling your friends what a good cook I am and not caring when they make fun of you. It is doing what you say and meaning what you do. It is calling me, even though I protest that I hate the phone, because you know for you I make exceptions. It is humoring me and laying back down when I pull you back in to bed. It is knowing that “10 more minutes” isn’t really 10 more minutes, but not caring. It is remembering that this aunt belongs to my father and that uncle is a bastard. It is kicking my shoe collection out of the way but admiring every pair. It is that look, when, my god, that friend is telling that same damn story again. It is remembering that I had that big meeting today and wishing me luck. It is an email on a Tuesday at 4 pm telling me how sexy I am. It is knowing yourself and offering what you can give. It is walking on the outside of the sidewalk. It is catching me when I trip on that sidewalk because I should have had one less glass.
It is that. Not the fluffery and the grand gestures and the promises. It is thoughtfulness and care and concern. It is elusive but it is there. And really, that is romance; allowing yourself to believe that it is there, that thing words are inadequate to describe. It is doing those small things to water that big thing because you know it is worth it.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Yes.
Seems simple, no?
What Grace said.
Indeed.
aww. i love this. and you. xoxo
And I you. xxoo
Yes. A thousand times over. The romantic in me thanks you.
A million times over, really.
I sometimes worry that after 10 years together and having two toddlers and being through some very bad things, that the romance in my marriage may have started a downward spiral.
And then last night my husband surprises me with caramel corn because he sees nothing else that I know I will like for dessert and he remembers how much I love homemade caramel corn.
Glimpses like that and all of those you have above are what make it all worth it.
It truly is the small things. Like caramel corn. Well done, husband.
I don’t actually consider that romance. I just consider that dating. It seems like the bare minimum stuff to do to show that I’m affectionate toward someone. Romance is the extra stuff I do above and beyond this. But I am certainly aware that there are those who never show these gestures.
So, do you have these things in your life right now, Lexa?
Well, I think men doing those things consistently is rare, very rare.
And no.
well said.
A thousand times yes. xo
That’s absolutely how life should be. Plus, lots of money to roll around in, too.
Totally agree. I think I might have married my husband because he is a frequent and thoughtful texter/emailer/phonecaller.
True.,..all of it. My husband read on FB that I wanted a Cherry Pop-Tart in the worst way. He promptly walked across the street and bought a giant box. He drives me nuts sometimes but it all boils down to the Pop Tarts.
absolutely adore this.
It’s true—the smaller things mean so much more than any larger thing ever could. Love isn’t glamourous.
love this list. thanks
I love this so much. My wonderful boyfriend of two years said to me early on in our relationship, “I’m probably never going to show up outside your window with a boombox over my head, I’m just going to treat you right every day.” And he has.
“romance” is big, grand and generally empty gestures. romance, like you said, is knowing and loving you enough to understand what matters. i finally get it. i am eternally grateful for it. and i wish more than anything that everyone finds it.