Might I just say how happy I am that y’all embrace the liberal use of the word fuck?
This week has been…difficult. Not only have I been dealing with my nonsense, friends have been plowed over by bad news as well. By the end of the day yesterday, I was ready to call a mulligan on the whole week. Sadly, it doesn’t work that way.
So, instead I have pranced around my apartment in my new leopard trench coat (yes, my new one…I already had one, but it was SO last season). I have watched “Pinky the Cat“, my ultimate coping mechanism, about 10 times. And wine? God, have I drank wine. Who says alcohol doesn’t solve your problems?
I find myself focusing on other things, turning to the anger I know. I am thinking about how I am angry at a certain friend or allowing myself to get inordinately annoyed at certain coworkers. One wouldn’t think I would care as much about silly emails from men at a time like this, but these are scripts I am familiar with. I can act out these rages as I have been here before. It is a more comfortable place.
The one thing I haven’t really done? Cry. I wish I could, but it just isn’t me. There have been a few choked back sobs, a 10 second teary jag on the phone with Cindarella, and lots of clenching of my jaw. I have heard people talk of crying themselves to sleep, experiencing gutteral sobs that serve as release. It has happened to me before-rarely, but it has happened-but for this, it won’t come. Perhaps the alcohol is inhibiting my feelings? I just can’t face it all at once.
Thanks for all the kind words, the comments and the private emails. They mean so much. I am doing the best I can to claw myself from the dregs of self pity. It isn’t a pretty color on me. I am not dying, it will be ok…I know this. I am sure there will be a few more days of prancing around in my coat in an effort to cheer myself, but I am almost there.
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I LOVE the trench coat. I approach animal prints as neutrals - really, you can wear them with anything.
I think it’s OK to wallow in self-pity for a while. I really do. Be kind to yourself. And seriously, let me know if there’s anything I can do to make you feel better. I won’t ever be all, oh, cheer up! it could be worse! Ever.
Lemon Gloria´s last blog ..One boob correction and two details or maybe three
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Give it a shot. It’s a mood-lifter.
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I’m with Lemon Gloria… sometimes a bit of anger/wallowing is just what the doctor ordered. You need some time to mourn, however that mourning may manifest itself (I’m also partial to wine).
And you will be stronger. XO.
Racquel Valencia´s last blog ..This Must Be How The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Felt
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cope the way you need to. some ppl eat, some starve. some cry, some yell. some say fuck, some say fuck a lot.
hope you’re doing ok.
christa´s last blog ..Feeling snarky- Sharky
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I think it is clear that the baby Jesus wanted you to have that coat. All the stars aligned. Because THE BABY JESUS ALIGNED THEM AMEN.
On with the wallowing. It’s like Intro to Crying 101.
And as for the crying, you’ll get there, if you need to.
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I’m with Lemon Gloria. There’s a time and place for self-pity… as long as you don’t let it take over. Of course the more important thing is that deal with this however suits you best. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else… or even to you for that matter. It just has to work for you.
*hugs* and take care.
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Sobbing can definitely help you get to sleep. I do it every night after I watch an old episode of Growing Pains.
Rahul´s last blog ..Get Rich or Die Traveling
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i think it’s cool that you’re giving yourself time to deal with this shit. healthy, even. it’s a big deal… you don’t have to talk yourself out of being pissed and upset about it.
leilani´s last blog ..everyone is a whack job
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I hate all the hurrying to get better! suck it up! be happy! Sometimes?? You just need TIME. Nothing else is going to cure whatever you have, whether it’s a broken heart, bruised ego, busted outlook, or bleak and blind-siding news.
Dance around in that sexy coat. Buy yourself another few bottles of wine. Totter around on some hot high heels. Say fuck as many times as you need to. Take days and days. You just take care of you, the best way YOU know how.
Hannah´s last blog ..No expectations
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One of Cowgirl’s favorite sayings is, “Drinking’s not an option, but I have a whole shit ton of other behaviors I can engage in that make me feel better.” You get to drink. So do it with abandon my friend. Wallow around for awhile. Buy some more leopard print clothing. Do what you have to do to stay upright today. That’s all that’s necessary.
k8´s last blog ..Just Do The Footwork
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That fucking leopard print coat is fucking awesome. I’m sure you’re rocking the fuck out of it. There’s no need to fucking apologize for coping the best way you know how.
Mary´s last blog ..Tinkering
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Self-pity may not look good, but every now & again, it sure does FEEL good. Let it happen.
Suburban Sweetheart´s last blog ..All My Bags Are Packed- Im Ready to Go
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That coat is positively amazing. Wallow away. You obviously have great people in your life, but if you ever need someone to talk to about PCOS who has been there, you have my email.
Also: I have no idea if you cry in movies, but “Never Let Me Go” kept half the theater sobbing for half the movie (not in cheesy way), including this girl, so if you need something to help out with catharsis, it could work. But it probably won’t make you feel better.
Vie´s last blog ..fecklessness of faith
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I love you, my friend! A lot!!!!!!!!!
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Just a quickie to say hugs and cuddles and other things that might help - and self pity is a very under-rated emotion
Dream in Grey´s last blog ..Tech on Tuesday- Cleaning
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