I don’t really know where the mouth came from truth be told.
As a kid we were not allowed to watch anything our parents’ believed could corrupt our young minds; “Three’s Company”, “90210″ and “Beavis and Butthead” were banned in my house. I think I have heard my mother swear twice my whole life.
Now I do remember the first time I said a naughty word. I was in the woods, sitting on a monstrous rock, with my childhood best friend, Jennie. (Isn’t every girl’s childhood best friend Jennie?) We were 8-years-old and about an acre away from my house. I wanted to be absolutely certain no one heard us. Holding hands we both uttered the word “shit” and giggled.
It has gotten progressively worse over the years. Readers and real life friends have witnessed my dirty verbal gems. At times I don’t even know where they come from…I am beginning to think I am just inherently depraved. At work I can hold it together, but in my day to day life I find it getting harder. It is just a habit, like moisturizing or worrying about Britney Spears’ mental stability. I do my best to respect my mother but I hear the phrase “Alexandra! Language!” with more and more frequency. She calls me Alexandra when she means business. The other day the “f word” slipped out when I was around my 6-year-old cousin. He didn’t hear me, but I was really disappointed. I try to be the best version of myself around him.
I’ve decided I am going to make an effort to be better. While I do think the taboo regarding swearing is a bit ridiculous, I think I could benefit from using my words more. I mean, I am not an idiot. Not every sentence needs to make a sailor cringe. This being said, a perfectly placed naughty word? Divine.
For instance, this chicken was fucking good. Seriously. Fucking. Good. Now I have made some roasted chicken in my day and this is hands down one of the best. A friend of mine loves to make chicken breasts with lemon curd and I got the idea that I should roast a whole chicken using the same method. Lo and behold, Cooking Light had beat me to the idea. I have pasted their recipe below but I was really laid back about the whole thing. I rinsed the chicken, patted it dry and stuffed a bunch of garlic, herbs, salt and pepper under the skin. I threw a few lemons halves in the pan and stuffed a handful of herbs and a lemon half in the cavity. After piercing the chicken a few times, I slathered the whole bird with some lemon curd. While it cooked I basted it several times. After removing it from the oven, I made sure to let the bird sit for 15 minutes before carving. This is an essential step for moist meat. What I love about this recipe is it does not require lubing up the chicken with fatty oil or butter; all the moisture comes from the tangy lemon curd.
I mean, doesn’t it look pretty fucking good?
Roasted Chicken with Lemon Curd
Adapted from Cooking Light
1 (3 1/2-pound) chicken
1 tablespoon chopped fresh rosemary
2 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
4 garlic cloves, crushed
Cooking spray
1/2 cup Lemon Curd
3 large lemons, halved
Fresh rosemary sprigs (optional)
Preparation
Preheat oven to 450°.
Remove and discard giblets and neck from chicken. Rinse chicken with cold water; pat dry. Trim excess fat. Starting at neck cavity, loosen skin from breast and drumsticks by inserting fingers, gently pushing between skin and meat.
Combine the rosemary and the next 4 ingredients (rosemary through garlic). Rub mixture under loosened skin, and rub over breast and drumsticks. Lift wing tips up and over back; tuck under chicken.
Place the chicken, breast side up, on a broiler pan coated with cooking spray. Pierce the skin several times with a meat fork. Insert a meat thermometer into the meaty part of thigh, making sure not to touch bone; brush chicken with Lemon Curd. Arrange lemons around chicken. (Note: I stuck half a lemon and some thyme sprigs, salt, and pepper in the cavity.) Bake at 450° for 30 minutes. Reduce the oven temperature to 350° (do not remove chicken from oven), and bake for an additional 1 hour or until thermometer registers 180°. (Cover the chicken loosely with foil if it gets too brown.) Remove the chicken from the oven. Cover the chicken loosely with foil, and let stand for 10 minutes. Discard skin. Serve with lemon halves, and garnish with rosemary, if desired.
Wow, we were on the same wavelength with our posts today.
But I agree with your thesis about only swearing when swearing is due. I mean, isn’t that the point of them? I think I curse the least out of almost all my friends… maybe three times a week the f-bomb will slip out.
That said, when I get angry, eloquence goes out the window.
Some times you just need to but I fully recognize that it is lazy.
That does look pretty frakin fuckin good.
Danke.
omg i just wanna peel the skin off and devour it!
I will let you.
Haha, it’s true; I’m sure that others (like, especially, Mama Bear) will chime in, but I feel I should personally attest to the outstanding combination of creative filth and unexpected (some prudes might say “inappropriate”) timing of Lem’s profanity. She’s uttered some epithets that describe sexual practices that may not be strictly physically possible (though they’re always amusing), and I’m proud of her for pledging to work on it.
P.S. that chicken looks good enough to make me say, “Gosh-darn!”
Babe, I am sorry for the things I have subjected you to over the 20 years you have known me.
Holy fuck. If my ex could have made a chicken like that, I might have stayed. You know, for as long as it took to eat the chicken.
That would be about…6 minutes?
I just came a little.
What? It’s Thursday. I’m allowed.
You are allowed on Sundays or Tuesdays or whenever you want.
The Brits say “bloody” or at least a certain class of Brits and it sounds so much more refined while still conveying the necessary disdain or anger (on a historical note saying bloody once was so rude as to be scandalous). Ubiquitous cursing is generally the refuge of the unimaginative mind. As for the chicken, it was pierced, it was lubed, it was stuffed, it was patted (what no tattoos?), just what exactly were you doing with that bird?
It is a very special bird. It needs attention…tender, loving attention.
[quote]I just came a little.[/quote]
you took the words out of my mouth…
my gosh, how did you get the skin that way? mine never turns out that way. oohhh. man.
a lot of cursing is going through my brain right now.
ugh.
hmmm, i see this as dinner this weekend or tuesday.
I think starting off at a really high heat and then lowering th temperature helps. Also, the sugars in the curd brown a lot.
this meal looks to die for. want some NOW.
lilu cracks me the fuck up.
I can cook for you in April, love.
i wasn’t allowed to watch “you can’t do that on television”- remember that gem?
Wasn’t Alanis Morissette in that show?
That looks fucking good.
Since I am a man, I didn’t have a best friend named Jennie, but my kindergarten crush was a Jennie.
I have a 2 1/2 year old niece. It’s hard to keep the nasty words in. She repeats everything she hears.
That is why I didn’t like swearing in from of SuperBoy. I want him to learn bad things from his parents, not me!
Wait, why was Three’s Company not allowed?
There’s something strangely cathartic about stuffing things inside a bird. What? I’m the only one?
“Three’s Company” is laden with sexual innuendo. Obviously, I learned to be cheeky elsewhere.
It never would have occurred to me to roast a chicken like this, I’m a Poultry Magic kind of girl myself. Next time I make a chicken, I’m giving this recipe a go.
I have never used poultry magic. Is it a spice mix?
I also have a “first swear” moment. But it involved running up and down the street screaming it.
Hope mom didn’t hear you…
First: We were told that our television didn’t “get” cartoons like all the other kids. That worked until we were about 15. Seriously. Then my brother and I would sneak down in the basement to watch Beavis and Butthead.
Second: I have learned more swear words in AA than I have ever heard in my life. And when I say them, I giggle. My favorite is cocksucker.
Third: If I was an man and had a pee pee, I’d want to stick it in that bird because it looks so good.
I’m done. And I feel dirty about the things I said.
I won’t tell you my favorite because I am reformed….or I will email it to you.
That looks muy tasty, but how long will it last? It’s hard to justify cooking a whole bird for myself.
Also, I was so sad when my best friend tricked me into dropping the f-bomb for the first time…through a rhyming song. My little 4th grade heart crumbled.
Well, I would say it makes about 5 servings, but I had some for dinner with a friend and then ate the leftovers. Also, you could put the remains in a soup…
I’m pretty awful about swearing… and I do it at work too.
Oops?
Eh, who cares? Not I.
All parents do that - bust out your full name when they’re really pissed. Whenever I heard Christopher John! I knew to run and hide.
Alexandra Lee means serious business.
I’m trying to transition the kid to other F-based words, without making a big deal about it so as not to re-enforce anything. Yeah, I’m awful with the words and the gestures.
It is a really hard habit to break.
Fuck me, that looks good.
Language! Ahem. See? I am changing.
Ohhh that looks soo good!! I love my chicken to be all sleek and shiny and lip-smacking good like.
It was really hard to not eat the skin.
Just start telling people you were saying Sofa King Nasty.
Lies get you everywhere.
They sure do.
I also was not allowed to watch any of the shows you mentioned. Or “Night Court” after they made a joke about a virgin.
And I also would nom the hell out of that chicken skin.
My brother loved Night Court…I guess mom missed the virgin episode.
I once said the “f-word” in front of a group of kids at the beach…very loudly as well…My friends yelled at me, but in my defense I was drunk at the time. Yeah I probably shouldn’t been drunk at the beach around the kids either huh? Anyway I am much reformed since then…and rarely let one slip…except when I talk to my sister…it just slips out then…
Also…did you make your lemon curd or buy it? I’ve never bought it before, but have made it in the past…and when thinking about the recipe it was actually swaying me on whether to make it or not…because I don’t want to make the curd…then also have to “make” the chicken. Please share either a recipe or brand for the curd. Merci beaucoup.
I bought it-it didn’t seem worth it to make to go on a chicken. Um…I cannot remember the brand. I bought the most expensive one at the Giant.
I grew up the same way-I was never even allowed to watch Saved by the Bell. I think it took me until high school before I let the s-word slip. And I have a mouth on me now, too…is it too cliche to say I’m making up now for all those non-swearing years?
Actually, I think it might be. Eh.
And that chicken DOES look fucking amazing.
See? Parents can only shape us so much. Us dirty ones find our way.
When I was growing up, children were not allowed to speak at the dinner table so imagine how my parents enforced acceptable language in the household. It was as serious as a rampaging Connecticut Chimpanzee. To this very day, I am very conscientious about word choice in front of my parents and I can’t recall ever cursing even as an adult in front of my dad. True story.
The chimp! Too soon, DF, too soon.
That chicken deserves the special George Carlin cheer, and know I don’t pull this thing out for just any old occasion. “Rat shit! Bat shit! Dirty old twat! Sixty-nine assholes tied in a knot! Hooraaaay lizard shit! Fuck!”
Good looking bird my dear.
Thanks, Kev. RIP George Carlin.
Did we grow up in the same television-deprived household? I wasn’t allowed to watch Dukes of Hazzard because it was sexist, and my mom found all sorts of imperialist flaws in Fraggle Rock.
No Fraggle Rock! What kind of childhood is that?
I feel rather sorry for people who can’t experience the pleasure of saying those wonderful bad words. There’s such a release when they are uttered at just the right time. My mother wouldn’t have been caught dead saying any of them. My father, on the other hand, could let out a pretty good string if he did something like hit his thumb with a hammer. I loved to be around to listen to him and then to hear my mother warn him that I was listening.
Oh when a person injures themselves all bets are off.
Your Three’s Company ban more or less makes sense to the sensitive (innuendo? there’s so much it’s practically outtuendo), but Shannon’s mom… wow. The only thing I’ve ever heard that was weirder was some deluded soul who prevented her kids from watching Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood because the stylized letters came across to her as Mr. Ogre’s Neighborhood. Egad.
‘Course, that woman is a mass of neurosis anyway.
So if the lemon curd is brushed on the outside, and at the end the outside is discarded (as I’m told it should be for health reasons), what benefit is the lemon curd? Won’t the stuffed-in lemons have much more of a flavor effect?
Well, I may have eaten a little skin. Also, I think it just kinda permeates everything.
The chimp! Too soon, DF, too soon.
Oh hell no! Here’s a headline for ya, “200 lbs chimp on xanax goes…*ahem*…apeshit, mauls woman, shot dead by police in CT” Seriously, that’s some entertaining shit.
Apeshit…you asshole. Hahaha.
Swearing could be considered an artform. At least I consider it one. The chicken looks divine. I roast a chicken every week. What can I say? I love chicken salad.
I love chicken salad as well…with some curry? Of the heavens.
Oh, my childhood was lovely. Days at the beach, healthy home-cooked dinners, purchase of my first training bra, burning of my first training bra…just lovely.
Real Simple’s website has a lot of recipes involving a shredded rotisserie chicken. That might be a good bet for finding things to do with the leftovers.
I never had a training bra. Your childhood was clearly more rich than mine.
I loves me the word “fuck”. And everytime I burn myself in the kitchen (which would be about once a week), I yell it with gusto. I also happen to drop it in casual conversation daily. Good times…
Although I am physically unable to eat the crack cocaine you call roast chicken, when I do cook it for others, instead of just tossing the skin, let your carnivores stand around and pick the crispy chicken skin off the bird before it get’s soggy.
Really, I mean, how often in life do people get to stand around a roast bird and literally pick the crunchy skin off it’s still hot carcass?
Not often enough, bh.
And, you can really stretch a bird. If you are willing to pick the frame clean, you can freeze the meat for chicken salad or just basic eating later and use the bones at some later date to make Chicken soup, which is not hard to assemble.
Right-the carcass of this bird is currently in my freezer waiting to be made in to stock.
Also, I think it just kinda permeates everything.
Right, then. I’ve got this amazing lemon spice chutney from a local genius (she also made strawberry jam with rosemary - OMFG) that I’m planning to use as a glaze or something on chicken breasts. Been casting about for a good method. This could do.
It would definitely work. Sounds great.
It does. Not only fucking good but really fucking awesomely finger licking cocksucking good. (I’m trying to get most of the words out before August.)
But the baby has to learn how to swear, Lisa.
Not only fucking good but really fucking awesomely finger licking cocksucking good.
Now that… is the sort of reaction I’m aiming for.
It is a good reaction, I concur.
I’m a little disappointed that the recipe had no swear words. Just a *expletive* little.
But see? I am getting better!
I need to stop scrolling down to the pictures. It’s self-cruelty.
Be kind to yourself…
I am so fucking making this fucking chicken!
I feel you on this. I spent waaay to much time in Australia, and I have a bad C-word habit. In fact I dropped the C-Bomb with my mom in the car just the other day.
On the bright side, we are going to do a fucking shot tomorrow night! Boo yea.
Why, oh why, am I not your next door neighbor? That chicken looks so fucking good! And yes, the F-word is my favorite in the English language (and most others) - so effective and adaptable.
I first got into cursing to impress a boy, in 4th grade. It went downhill from there until my niece was born 2 years ago and my (younger!) brother sat me down for a chat. I’m now in potty-mouth rehab. So far, it’s going damn well, if I do say so myself.
I too have a potty mouth at times. I almost swore in front of my parents but somehow kept it in….I should just throw out the f bomb at them and get it over with!!
Welcome sara-we love people who drop f bombs around here.
what the fuck is lemon curd?
Welcome Miguel-aren’t we demanding? It is lemon filling.