“An average guy takes off his khakis, fucks me missionary, drives me to the Olive Garden in his Ford Focus and sends me red roses the next day.”

I fucking love you. And hate camping.

Amen.

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Dude, you are so right…camping does happen to people. Camping happened to me once when I was twelve and had my period. Guess how I feel about camping?

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I effing hate camping too. The woods are scary. Bugs are gross. And I don’t like to sweat, you know, outside of bed.

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These guys sound awful and that’s exactly why they are still single. They need to join some dog-lover, camping junkie site and get the heck out of the city.

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I love my cat…and I have a very large penis.

I’m not advertising. I’m just sayin’.

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Excess love for dogs?

GUILTY.

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I think that knowing what you want is the biggest part of getting what you want. I happen to love dogs and the outdoors. I married a man who hates the outdoors. But loves me. And my damn dog. I figure just because I love the outdoors doesn’t mean he has to. I can go camping without him. In fact, I think I prefer it that way. I think my point is just… it takes all kinds. And as amazing as you are- you’ll never have to settle.

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I like a lady who knows what she wants. Especially when what she wants is NOT the outdoors.

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I adore you and I adore this. HOWLING with laughter. So much more funny because it is oh-so-true! You will find your extraordinary, just keep skipping to the beat you’ve got playing.

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I have no idea why you are single, but I say that about most of the fabulous women I know. I adore a few things in this post, but “give me something new” is a cry I make on the regular. If I found something new, I’d probably die of shock.

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Give me leather, give me the city, give me a steak, give me something new.

YES PLEASE…

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the guys i hang out with here are all OBSESSED with hiking. just because we’re near the adirondacks doesn’t mean i give a shit about “experiencing them.” good grief.

also? i hate khaki pants and cats. well said.

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Aaaah. You’re a woman after my own heart. I fucking love this.

My favorite? The classic line “I’m easy-going, laid back, like going out with my friends as much as watching a movie on the couch.”

Yeah, thanks, buddy—what guy doesn’t consider himself easy going and DOESN’T like lounging around? Really original.

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First off, cats are a deal breaker, I had a serious crush on a guy until I learned he had a cat, then I never looked at him the same, it was almost as if he told me he was gay.

Camping, hunting, fishing, etc are all on my list of deal breakers. I’m not outdoorsy, and even if they don’t need me to participate in those activities with them, I don’t want to date someone that likes to do that shit.

I hate guys that say things like they are quiet until you get to know them, or their friends say they are a great guy, of course your friends say that shit, they are your friends thats their job!

And that whole paragraph about average guys? Um yeah, right on, I’m not average so I sure as hell don’t want my man to be.

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If it makes you feel any better, I love both the outdoors (and camping) AND dogs. And I’m still single. I don’t even think new exists any more because men have been brought up and trained by women who clearly think cliche is the way to go.

I hate cliche. I hate feeling like I “should” like something just because. Guess what? I probably don’t. I don’t want to do things because I should. I want to do things because I want.

All of these things may make dating difficult with most men, but a little tiny part of me still has some particle of hope that there’s actually a dude out there who just…gets me.
shine´s last blog ..Love harder? I did.

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De-lurking to comment for the first time. Love your blog but luuuuuuuve this post. I can’t stop laughing! Thanks for making my day!

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this is amazing and pretty much sums up my single life, haha.
emrlds´s last blog ..LOVE harder.

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Being called an average guy would annoy the fuck out of me.

“Typical guy” also sometimes causes me to end conversations.
Peter´s last blog ..i want to hear, future wife

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and this is the exact reason why I keep an elite group of male friends, who are only for dates and good times around. I don’t bother looking for men. They should come looking for me if they want me.

However, the best relationship I’ve ever had was right under my nose for at least 2 years, disguised as my best friend and I didn’t see it until one day he couldn’t hold back anymore and kissed me. I haven’t looked back since.
Sapphyre´s last blog ..Happy MLK Day!

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I hate the outdoors. Sure, a nice walk outdoors is good sometimes, but I need at minimum a Holiday Inn Express to spend the night. Dogs are fine, but not to own one. C’mon, the clean up alone would want to make me vomit (literally). And cats are not male pets.
Big Money Tony´s last blog ..Goodbyes and Good Wishes to the Aughts

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Sunday night I slept with a cat on top of me. The man insisted we all spoon together.

I’m glad it’s not just me.
ML´s last blog ..Starting with a Starr

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I actually read this on CL when LiLu tweeted about it.

It was FUCKING GORGEOUS.

You have a new stalker, as I’ve officially followed you on Twitter and now on this blog. Thanks for the chuckle this mornin.

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Um, I’m just going to throw this out there and wait for the internet kick in the nuts later. I’ve never been camping and I couldn’t really care less about dogs and cats but there are 40 comments on this post and most are from women saying they also are sick of this average boring guy. Maybe it’s equally cliche to be the single city girl frustrated because they can’t find more than your ‘average’ guy, and maybe the ‘average’ guy is probably just as sick of that cliche. You said it yourself, no one is unique, the point being that people are into what they’re into. No one should every settle anything less than what they want. I’m sure you’ll find your uncle with a sweet TV just like the boring guy will find a woman who can’t wait to take his chocolate lab out to West Virginia for the weekend. No need to judge someone for liking what they like.

Although basically the entire point of a personal blog is to express opinions, so maybe I should just shut the fuck up.

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Lemmonex Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 9:16 am

No you can say what you want and I think you are fair. I sure as shit am not a special snowflake, but I at least try.

Also, did you just tell me not to judge? Eric, you have been reading here a while. Without judgement, I am nothing.

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Eric Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 9:24 am

You raise a fine point, I should know better. And let’s be honest, I love’s me a good judging. Who am I trying to kid.

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I think of camping as an opportunity to drink overpriced microbrews IN THE WILD (where nubile nymphs and goddesses erotically engage the grandeur of nature… as opposed to a stripper’s pole in some raunchy club), play fetch with bears instead of dogs, and taunt all the mountain cougars with my young, lithe, profoundly tempting flesh.

Am I average? My mind doesn’t do that kind of math. Instead, I like to think of myself awkward, lazy, and more than willing to let others do some funky calculus.

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I love this. I love this. It’s so true - why settle for average? Why advertise yourself as average? That just makes me not want to waste my time on you. And word on the hipsters. Word.

That being said, I love dogs. And cats. And will drool over photos of cute animals. But, then again, I hate sports (I don’t give a damn about your baseball/football/basketball team), so I feel like that cancels out the love of animals thing.
Jenna´s last blog ..Bake Sale: Cookie Plates for Valentine’s Day

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You give yourself way to much credit. Are you so sure you would be at all dateable even if you loved camping and dogs?

I kid I kid. Maybe.

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Lemmonex Reply:
January 21st, 2010 at 10:33 am

Oh, there are many more reasons I am sure I am undateable. Readers of this blog and the realities of my life remind me every day of my shortcomings.

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You’re picky. That’s perfectly acceptable and who you are, but that’s why you are single, not because DC is loaded to the gills with universally undateable men. The same thing can be said for plenty of men in this city who demand swimsuit models with camping, dog, and blowjob obsessions. Like TJ Maxx, you’ll have to dig through ALOT of racks of garbage before you find that one piece of Haute Couture.

The funny thing is, one can have some absolute NO DEAL requirements and then suddenly you meet somebody and you drop the dealbreaker. I was generally anti pet. Now I have three because I really dig my girl. She was anti-kid, now she’s living with two because she likes me.

That’s just how the ball bounces (just so I don’t miss out on the overused cliche meme).

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Eh, BH beat me to it again. But I’ll give it a go anyway.

I had this boss one time (he wanders into the news now and then, but that’s all I’ll say about him) who simultaneously told us to “swing for the fences” and that “failure is not an option.” He needs to work on his metaphor comprehension, because those two things are opposites. FWIW, it’s come back to bite him in the past couple of years, hence the news items.

Those 2 phrases track exactly to the problem of Average Joes. If you’re picky, it reduces the number of choices, most of whom will (unless your criteria are unusual) be taken and fiercely guarded. If lots and lots of guys fit the bill, it’s because you’re good with the usual. Swing for the fences a lot, strike out a lot.

This overlaps another problem, the issue of underpromising and overdelivering. It’s a good thing to do, because good surprises are good, and the harsh judgment of women converts it into an actual survival tactic. Trouble is, it’s really easy to overdo, and if you sound too boring to get to know, how will she find out there’s more to you? Lads need to think about this a little more deeply. Some have, I’m sure: You know, I believe, another blogger or 2 who will gleefully go into depth about this, given very minimal prodding.

What I wonder is why people describe themselves at all, unless directly asked - which will probably get you a description badly done and made up on the spot, and may explain the “I’m average” thing as a simple dodge. I very much doubt I’m average, and have no real idea what average means. If it means what the post’s penultimate paragraph says it means, I would hate to be average, and wonder what “below average” looks like.

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So how long do you wait before you add this one to the Hit Brigade?

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whenever a guy messages me on a dating site and it says crap about loving the outdoors, hiking, nature, or mountain biking, i don’t even bother to respond because i know i am absolutely not the girl they’re looking for. we might have other similar interests, but if the summary of your interests rounds up to these things, i know we’re way different. it’s really just of no interest to me. i’m more content with the guy who wants to dork around at an art show or jam out on the guitar and slam a few beers for 3 hours.
gingermandy´s last blog ..After all, we are the interwebs…

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I love dogs. But this “camping” you speak of- is that whent hey don’t have room service?

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God all of the men here are obsessed with the outdoors too. It’s insane. I should make an online dating drinking game where you drink every time there is a picture of a guy and his dog or saying he likes the outdoors. Hilarious.
Jessica´s last blog ..Winter blues miss list

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Little-known fact: The word camping is actually a synonym for sex in the male brain. So telling a guy you don’t like camping is going to put them off because what they hear is “I don’t like sex.” So naturally the thing to be concerned about is guys who don’t like camping- which is the rub for ladies such as yourself who don’t like camping.

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