Your Hostess
My name is Lemmonex and this is my blog.
My name is actually Lexa. Not Lexie, Alex, Alexis or Alexa, but Lexa. If you are angry at me, feel free to call me Alexandra, but I don’t love that either. I tried to remain anonymous for a while, but that was an exercise in futility.
I used to write exclusively about food but it was wearing on me and I gained about five pounds I couldn’t seem to drop. For most of my life I was really overweight, so it was stressing me out. I was starting to obsess a little too much about the size of my ass and my therapist told me it wasn’t healthy. Since food is my one true love, I still talk about it a lot and share recipes. I am a giver. Just please don’t reprint my recipes without giving me credit or I will call you a jerk.
My likes include bad reality television, leopard print, the wrong kind of men, extremely violent movies, Rufus Wainwright, backrubs, facial scars, my MacBook and sexual politics. I own more make-up than a tranny in a beauty pageant. I dislike picky eaters, unsolicited advice, the color brown, tardiness, the dentist, self importance and
Sandra Bullock.
I was a Women’s Studies major in college but I love porn and shave my legs. I am always watching my weight, but I can binge with the best. I have an incredibly filthy mouth but bathroom humor disgusts me. I hate animals but hope to one day be a mom to a pack of bad ass little babies who will probably swear like sailors. I cry rarely but “The Lord of the Rings” rendered me a weeping puddle. I like my hair big and my cleavage bigger, but I am more than happy to discuss post-modern feminism with you. Sometimes, I don’t make sense.
And yes, fellas, I am single. You are actually probably much more screwed up than me, I just have (some of) my personal pain and inner turmoil printed on the interweb. You may feel like you know me, but you don’t. Don’t scare me or my poor mother with naked pictures or creepy emails.
When you cut me, I bleed. If you don’t like what you see here, please move on. I am thick-skinned, but inside I just want to be loved. I am often sarcastic, prone to hyperbole, and self absorbed. I’m also a steadfastly loyal friend, charitable in spirit and a compassionate soul; I don’t need mean assholes trying to convince me otherwise. We are all just trying to do our best here, kids, so play nice. I encourage questions, criticims and 
dialogue, but if you are cruel to me or anyone commenting, you should be warned: I fight back.
If you love me, or don’t want to admit in the comments you don’t know the difference between a filet and a t-bone, feel free to email me. I am an insecure narcissist and need your love, adoration and virtual hugs.
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I’m also a big fan of key lime pie–it’s probably the only non-chocolate dessert that I eat semi-regularly. Not only because it’s tasty, but also because it is SOOOO easy. We should have a pie-off!
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bettyjoan: I am totally in to that!! I am serious. I have actually been really hesitant to make a key lime pie, because if I screw it up, I will be SO upset.
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Lemmonex,
Love your work. Women that love love to cook are Gods little gift. I also love to cook and will be trying some of the things I find here. I will cook for the simple joy that is good food and the fun that is cooking. It is wasted on my family but you and I know why we do it. Thank you!
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Former alpha: Why, thanks! Make sure to let me know when you try anything!
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Updated picture is yummy good.
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I told you the photo was good.
I am a genius.
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FA: Aww, you make me blush.
Arjewtino: Ok, you are right and I was wrong. I am, in fact, stunning and I should not have argued that.
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Arjewtino:How long did it take you to convince her that Hot Girl+ Whip Cream=Doubleplusgood?
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Cool! I’M the wrong kind of man AND I have a facial scar!
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FA: I am a ham, though he is kind enough to not feel the need to pipe in with that. It does not take much encouraging.
JOAT: We are made for each other! Are you emotionally unavailable, as well? If so, please marry me…you have everything I need in a man.
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I know that I’m physically unavailable since, you know, I’m an imaginary internetz person. Does that count?
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I’m jonesing for a post, so I had to satisfy my fix by re-reading your about page. The new pic is hot, Lemmonex.
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Aw, thanks Rothko. Next week–back and better than ever.
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Good job on not being a FATTY anymore. I think we need full body pics to be sure though. On top of this, you should probably show us your tits as well.
Sorry, don’t show my tits to douchebags. Have a lovely day, faceless internet coward.
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Yeah, you kinda do look like Tina Fey, but obviously much hotter.
I think it may just be the picture, but either way, thanks!
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Lemmonex, I’m a writer with Washingtonian.com, and I do interviews with local bloggers. Email me if you’d like to do one! eleaman (at) washingtonian.com
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The second photo is awesome – it’s like a Nerve Personals profile shot. You need some hipster info about how you like knee socks and black and white photography to go with it.
Ew, then I would attract hipster boys. Not my thing.
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Faceless internet coward? No what on earth did I ever do to deserve that? Maybe you’re just playing hard-to-get. Oh, I see it now you dirty birdy you…
LOL
Oh, Ryan…
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Your pics are great, and that Ryan guy is a huge effin’ tool. It’s so sad to see someone entertaining only themselves.
Thanks B…adore you.
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You comment on her journal a lot, so I discovered yours and I thought it was great. Your about me made me laugh quite a bit
Looking forward to reading more!
Welcome Doug…glad to have you here.
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Ok, I’m commenting one more time, just because I can. Seriously, you are like the perfect woman. Hot (love the glasses!) and loves food. How can you do better than that? I’ve always said the fastest way to my heart is through my stomach, though so few people really get that! Since I just discovered your blog, I would go back and make comments on all of your entries, but that’s just no fun… so I’ll comment here briefly…
*Since I was reading backwards, I didn’t necessarily have context when you put a video up that said “ok boys and girls, 9 inches might be a biiiit much for me to handle” Yeah. Head out of the gutter….
*Your unmentionable thai place? Yeah, I know that feeling…. you know how many great restaurant meals I’ve wasted on bad dates? There should be a law against it….
*Tackle box. I’m not gay, but I might sleep with that dude just cause the food is so good. The calamari? You can’t see it, but I’m swooning right now.
*Bean dip/hummus/dating. Yes. Seriously. And my wing man would be a nice bottle of hearts of palm.
I promise I am so imperfect it would pain you if you ever met me. But thank you so much; that is incredibly flattering. There should be a law against ruining restaurants though…it is really no fair. I want my place back!
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ok – so when I said perfect, it was more of a philosophical statement than a “I’m sure you have no flaws” statement. If you were actually perfect, technically speaking, I think you’d be boring. I feel that what gives us character is our flaws…. And, I highly doubt if I ever met you that I would be in pain… well, unless you kicked me in the crotch for some reason
I am a crotch kicker from way back…
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I am writing to say that I really enjoy your writing style and your ability to segue from a personal story of one sort or another to a new dish so seamlessly and always entertainingly. I am not big on cooking but always happy to eat the fruit (and other food groups) of someone else’s labors, sort of the yin to your yang although it sounds like you enjoy eating just as much, just have learned to do it in moderation. I also had to tell you that I am such a doofus that in reading your tale of the Tipster, I thought his wanting to stick the tip in, he was talking about a tip for the server at the restaurant! Being a clever sort, I did eventually manage to figure it out.
Thanks for sharing.
I wish the Tipster was about tipping a server! It all would have ended so much better. Thanks for stopping by and your kind words; they are very flattering.
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Just so you know, as a child, I told people that my favorite color was brown, which in fact it was not, but because of people like you, I felt sorry for brown and took pity on it. I kept this charade for many years until finally I felt that brown had gotten enough good press and no longer needed my patronage.
In reality, my favorite color is aqua, popular with cheerleaders and serial killers everywhere.
I think that really says something about you; it is really…caring…in a strange way.
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It was an absolute pleasure to meet you; I hope our paths cross again. And there’s food involved. Your ratatouille couscous was wonderful.
Same here Kristin! I loved your potato salad and breads…mmm, gluttony.
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i heart…
rufus (and sometimes his sister), heels, cocktails, foooood, and men as well.
glad i found your bloggy.
And I am glad to have you here!
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This (rather lovely) blog is about food, and therefore, I am in.
ps – you’re the only other person aside from myself to have a picture on our ‘about me’ section!
David
xx
Welcome David…glad to have you here.
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I have been a ludite and kitchen-abstainer for most of my life, but I have now embraced both the blogosphere and cooking. I have yet to work past the broil function on my toaster oven, but there is hope, particularly with recipes such as yours.
I’m completely diggin your food goddessness, so much so that I’m linking you to my blog – hope you don’t mind – under my fave sites.
Now I just have to gain the courage to make that awesome-looking soup.
Oh, and Sandra Bullock’s really not so bad – she’s just minding her own down in Austin.
Welcome, emma! I just find Sandra’s shtick to be maddening. She is a grown woman…cut the cutesy crap, please.
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I agree the cutesy crap can be annoying, but I think it’s the fact that it works that is most maddening. After all, that cutesy crap pays her enough so she can live the life of a grown woman in every other way – no studio apartment with roommates or hosteling for her!
You make a valid point…but Kate Winslet can do that and makes good movies.
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I like your blog and would like to father 15 children with you.
Please don’t mind me staring in your window while I anxiously await your reply.
All their names must begin with “L”.
I like it when you watch.
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Lemmonex, thanks to dcblogs, I have finally found the woman of my dreams. Over the past few days during free time, I’ve read various postings here. A woman who loves Sonic and Southern Rock!?? I have not even said anything about your knock-out looks. Drop apollocreed and those 15 kids starting with “L”.
I love, love…your blog
I will now patiently await the restraining order.
Thanks, Tony. No restraining orders here. Also, I think everyone should love Sonic and Southern Rock. Is there more to life?
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How tall are you?
Just shy of 5′6″…why?
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You talk about your weight a lot. Weight generally should be proportionate to height. I am personally not attracted to the stick figure European models. I don’t think most American men are. I prefer a woman with a healthy ass and tits. Judging by what few pics you have posted, you have both.
Why, thanks.
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Great read! The baby Jesus likes good blogs. Have linked to yours.
Good luck with the fellas, and I won’t ask if you’ve got a recipe for coconut ice..
Lennie
Thanks Lennie–and welcome!
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“the warm embrace of a hangover is the one true constant in my life”. Well put. Now, if you will excuse me this 5th of Jack is screaming and yelling at me.
JP
Welcome JP. Sucks for you, my Jack whispers sweet nothings in my ear. It must like me more.
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I enjoyed reading your self description… Funny. I’ll keep reading.
Welcome and thanks!
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Love ur personal.
Thanks…
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You are much more than a food goddess!!! You are smart, sexy and sassy. I agree, not need to the cute crap.
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