Viva la Waffle House « Culinary Couture

Viva la Waffle House

March 31, 2009 by Lemmonex

Despite my propensity to use the word y’all in every day conversation and my love of Jack Daniel’s, I am a Northern girl to my core. I drive like crap, I hate talking to strangers and give me enough to drink and I can barely fight my hideous RI accent. I haven’t been there in 9 years but I am a Rhody girl wafflehouse through and through. This is why it blew my mind when the crowd here revolted last year when they learned I’d never been to Waffle House. Sure, I have driven through the South but our family’s southern fare of choice was always Cracker Barrel (we like racism with our country apples, apparently). There are far worse since….such as the complete lack of a letter between Q and S in my native tongue.

During my visit to Atlanta, BettyJoan took it upon herself to right this deeply offensive wrong. She is doing the people’s work. I knew I would love the place as soon as the waitress standing in front of the building, covered in prison ink and smoking a cigarette, opened the door for us.

This woman turned out to be our waitress. Her name was Deb and she was missing multiple teeth. She was friendly, welcoming, and completely thrilled that I this was my virgin voyage to a Waffle House. Now this was a woman who has clearly towed a rocky path in life but she was totally awesome in that that woman who calls you “sweetheart” at the diner kind of way. We don’t see people like this in DC.

And the food you ask? Well, any breakfast sandwhich served on grilled Texas toast is ok in my book. It was slathered in butter and shamefully sinful, but hey it was vacation and believe me, I have paying the piper at the gym. I got hashbrown, sweet delicious hash browns, “smothered” with onions and they were pretty damn perfect. BettyJoan was kind enough to let me steal a few bites of her chocolate chip waffle and that was pretty delicious as well. (Speaking of BettyJoan being kind, she is doing a triathlon to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Have you made a donation? You should. All the cool kids are.)

So finally, FINALLY, this Northern girl has tried a Waffle House. All the wrongs in the Universe have been righted and I can sleep easy at night.

Posted in Restaurant Reviews | 41 Comments

41 Responses to “Viva la Waffle House”

on March 31, 2009 at 8:40 am Matt

We have a waffle house here in Denver.

Thats all there is. One. Waffle. House.

and yes, it’s delicious.

Aww, poor picked on Denver. I love Denver.
on March 31, 2009 at 8:41 am cavy

waffle house. making cavy miss the south since 1991.

dennys and ihop will never do it justice.

They really are different beasts.
on March 31, 2009 at 8:53 am LA Cochran

Ah, Waffle House ambiance. Who can beat that?

No one can, no one.
on March 31, 2009 at 8:57 am Racquel Valencia

Is this a chain? Or a one-shot deal? It seems like something I should have experienced in Tennessee (although, to be fair, I was too drunk to stand for most of that trip.)

It is a chain all through the South. I hear it is the perfect place to go when drunk.
on March 31, 2009 at 9:09 am justjp

Waffle House at 3 am is the shizz! There is one right by the house in O-Town. Though, it is in the hood and a bit sketchy. You would feel at home.

Are you saying I am sketchy? For shame.
on March 31, 2009 at 9:30 am Alice in Blunderland

Hahaha! This post tickles me! I’m from California, and my best gay (who is from North Carolina) “righted” my Waffle-House wrong two years ago while we were down in Tampa. Apparently this is a common point of contention for Southerners with Northerner friends.

My waffle was completely delish, although watching my friend’s friend drunkenly go to town on a plate of hash browns with the works (smothered, covered, diced, topped, chunked, chopped, whatevered) made me a little queasy, I won’t lie.

Drunken binging is never all that pretty.
on March 31, 2009 at 9:31 am homeimprovementninja

Mmmmm….I had waffle house the other week when I was driving back from a jitsu tournament is Richmond. I don’t know if it was because I was starving from cutting weight for the prior two weeks, but it was soooooo good. Cheezy grits! Bacon egg and cheese sammich on buttery bread…MMMMMMmmmmm.

Oh cheezy grits, how I love thee.
on March 31, 2009 at 9:35 am DF

Let me be the sole voice of dissention in this southern love fest. I hate the waffle house.

I prefer my food A) not be cooked by convicts B) that it not be served by meth addicts without a dental plan and C) that the joint not stink like 30 year old wet carpet mixed with the succulent aroma of bacon and waffles. Yeah, I’m an asshole.

Eh, I am an asshole too. Just about other things.
on March 31, 2009 at 9:35 am f.B

Waffle House trumps IHOP’s runny, watery eggs any day/night. And they’re not just for Southerners. I’ve even been to one in PA.

Really!? The more you know.
on March 31, 2009 at 9:43 am Kristin

Yes, Waffle House is the quintessential southern hangover spot. You really can’t beat the All Star Special. What’s really fun is going there late night, people watching at its finest.

Did you know that they have fake locks on their doors? B/c they never close? That always baffles me.

Glad you tried it out!

Why the fake locks? I don’t get it. Such a waste of money.
on March 31, 2009 at 9:43 am Big Money Tony

You don’t have to go South to find Waffle House. Go Northwest up I-270. One in Urbana, MD and one in Frederick, MD. I’ve passed by after nights of debauchery and wondered if I should wander in at 4 AM. But I have decided against doing so without a wingman. Not because there are women there, but more a safety in numbers thing.

Maryland is still the South if you grew up in RI. Just sayin’.
on March 31, 2009 at 9:44 am D. Aubigny

I love, love, LOVE waffle house, I frequently think about driving to VA for smothered hash browns and double waffles. I would if I wasn’t afraid to drive anywhere outside the District.
My love of WH has something to do with driving from New Orleans to Ft. Lauderdale every spring break in college with a car full of drunk boys… But that’s a TMIT story, for sure.

Drunk boys in cars….sounds like a good country song or one of my fantasies.
on March 31, 2009 at 9:49 am Burt Frost

They are usually right next door or at least very close to a Cracker Barrel, and as much as I like to try new things… I dont get my country chicken and dumplings often enough to ever really pass on them.

Welcome, Burt. I don’t know if I could eat at Waffle House and Cracker Barrel in the same day. Even I have limits.
on March 31, 2009 at 9:56 am ironrailsironweights

No hatin’ on Cracker Barrel, please … they may be heavy on the kitschy decor, but for the price the food can’t be beat.

Peter

I am not hatin’. I love their food. I am merely pointing out I feel some conflict about their racist hiring practices.
on March 31, 2009 at 10:06 am Marissa

I am more than happy that you enjoyed your first WH experience. Mine was in the sticks of Georgia and my friend I was traveling with had to translate for me because I couldn’t understand the waitress’s accent.

Last time I was there, I believe it was in Memphis, we got an free side of sausage. Any place where I get free meat is good in my book. Um, yeah.

You said “free meat”.
on March 31, 2009 at 10:22 am k8

I’ve never been to a Waffle House. Never. I’m doomed.

Your life is a lie.
on March 31, 2009 at 10:37 am apollocreed

Of course her name was Deb, it’s the perfect name for a Waffle House waitress.

It sure was…perfection.
on March 31, 2009 at 10:43 am Liebchen

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a Waffle House either. But when visiting my grandparents in upstate New York, we *always* used to go to Cracker Barrel. So, instead of southern, I equated it with “near Canada.” Oops.

I am sure the Canadians who visit here will be happy to see this.
on March 31, 2009 at 10:46 am Fearless

I too have missed out on the pleasures of the Waffle House. And I just can’t think of a Canadian equivalent. Y’all (see, I can say it too!) seem to have cornered the market in this respect.

I love y’all. I wish I would have had it my whole life.
on March 31, 2009 at 10:49 am jordanbaker

My new life dream is to make a comprehensive map of North America, showing where all the fast food chains start and end (eg the furthest north and West waffle houses; the furthest south Tim Hortons; where Carl’s Jr. is Carl’s Jr. and where it’s Hardees; the furthest east and west Steak n’ Shake. . .)

Also, there is a Waffle House Museum in Atlanta. Also, you can get married there. That is my other life dream.

Oh! Would there be double waffles at the reception? Perhaps pecan? That is just fantastic.
on March 31, 2009 at 11:16 am brookem

RI isn’t going to know what hit them this weekend when you and i come to town. i can’t fucking wait.

hashbrowns are seriously heaven in my mouth and i want them NOW.

Neither can I. Can we maybe get drunk and then I can cuddle you and then we can totally act like nothing happened but in our hearts we will know the truth?
on March 31, 2009 at 11:58 am freckledk

My new life dream is to accompany Jordan Baker on her trip.

I am very jealous.
on March 31, 2009 at 12:12 pm LiLu

I SO miss my Waffle House across the street from the bar I worked at in Carolina. I spent more hilarious 3-5ams in there than I care to recall…

Those are prime WH hours!
on March 31, 2009 at 12:31 pm brookem

um, YES. im banking on that happening, thank you.

Oh thank GOD.
on March 31, 2009 at 12:34 pm Eric

Once on a trip back to DC from New Orleans I stopped with some friends at a Waffle House. Two of my friends slept in the car while we ate. To this day they believe that we met Christina Aguilera at that Waffle House. I have no idea why we thought that joke would be funny or why we chose Christina Aguilera but we’ve stuck with it for 8 years. I also have no idea how this is in anyway relevant to your post other than the fact that it happened at a Waffle House.

PS Cracker Barrel is awesome

Welcome Eric. That is an amazing story-and I am impressed you have kept it up after all these years.
on March 31, 2009 at 12:49 pm Hammer

Although it was with great dismay that I learned of your lifelong avoidance of The Church of Waffle House, I am much relieved to find out that you have finally addressed this glaring oversight.

Now all you have to do is visit while completely and utterly plastered. Only then will the circle of Waffle House forgiveness be complete.

* For extra credit, enjoy this bit of Waffle House humor from the late, great Bill Hicks: http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=54801226

I am sure the next time I can find time to drink and go to the WH in the same night. I am a multi-tasker like that.
on March 31, 2009 at 12:54 pm Jaime @ Fast Times

I, too, am a Rhode Island girl!!! And my use of y’all perplexes people.

And let me tell you, I love Waffle House. I lived in South Carolina for 6 months and the only thing I miss is having a Waffle House up the street.

Next month I’m going to Mississippi for vacation and I’m totally going to Waffle House like every day!!!!!!!!

Another RI girl! Where from?
on March 31, 2009 at 12:54 pm Phil

Am glad to hear this, Lem - this washes the ‘Anthony Keidis’ off my palate.

The Playaz have lots of connections with Waffle House. It was founded in our home town, and several of us know the founders of this fine establishment, among other things.

My dad loved to tell the story of ordering some coffee at WH and noticing a red stain on the coffee mug. So he summoned the waitress and asked if he could have another mug - without missing a beat, the waitress hollers “Gimme another coffee and hold the lipstick!”

One of the unique things about WH is that even if you are a top level executive in the WH corporation, you must start at the bottom as a short order cook. Everyone in the company has done it.

Plus, as great as WH is, it is 10x better when drunk.

I still love Anthony, Phil. Maybe I can smother him in some syrup. The best of both worlds…
on March 31, 2009 at 1:06 pm Shannon

Just when I thought my own ill-advised Elvis-theme Vegas wedding was the tackiest thing ever, jordanbaker has to come along with a WAFFLE HOUSE WEDDING.

WH Weddings are sweeping the nation.
on March 31, 2009 at 1:12 pm Jaime @ Fast Times

Charlestown. You?

North Smithfield.
on March 31, 2009 at 1:13 pm deutlich

The Waffle House scares me. By a lot.

Why?
on March 31, 2009 at 1:43 pm Lost Artist

FYI, the Waffle House is one of the best possible hangover cures. And it works best if eaten at 3 a.m. just before bed.

I feel that way about pizza.
on March 31, 2009 at 2:09 pm Lisa

Waffle House is a magical place. Alas, I haven’t been to one in years.

Road trip?
on March 31, 2009 at 2:41 pm bettyjoan

Now I’m feeling inadequate as a Southerner because I took you to the WaHo SOBER. Dammit, Betty, THINK!!!

I wouldn’t have trusted you around Deb if you were drunk.

THANK YOU for the fundraising plug. May Texas Toast-sized good karma rain down upon you.

I need some good karma. Anytime.
on March 31, 2009 at 3:40 pm emma

I can’t believe you held out this long! Congrats on popping your cherry. Well worth it.

We don’t have Debs out in LA either. They are sorely missed.

There should be Deb’s everywhere.
on March 31, 2009 at 5:35 pm Titania

I have never been to a Waffle House. Is it anything like and IHOP? or, what I remember from Wisconsin (although I do not know if the exist somewhere else), like the International House of Pancakes? Now I want a pancake. I need a pancake. Now.

I am hungry-I also want a pancake. And Hmm…I think Waffle House is better than IHOP.
on March 31, 2009 at 7:08 pm alexa - cleveland's a plum

ya know? i’ve never been to a waffle house. wait i lied, i have peed in a waffle house before.

Next time EAT in the WH.
on March 31, 2009 at 8:13 pm Ryane

Girl, I’m in for a Waffle House road trip. All heart the WH!! Although really, what I really want to do, is road trip to the BEEF BARN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will think of you when I am at the Beef Barn this weekend. I promise.
on March 31, 2009 at 8:23 pm Maxie

Oh lord. Waffle house is my jam. There are TWO waffle houses within a few miles of my favorite bar. I’m not really down with the WH when I’m sober though.

OK, next goal in life: go the Waffle House canned.
on April 1, 2009 at 3:02 am dan-E

being from the west coast, i never ate a waffle house until my redneck buddy from texas talked me into going. the waffles, texas bacon melt, and the hash browns were great but the place was a mess and some of the customers there were drunk idiot rednecks. bad enough that my bud felt the need to profusely apologize on behalf of “his people” afterwards.

asked if this was typical waffle house atmosphere at midnight on a wednesday he simply lowered his head and said, “yeah.” but damn, those hash browns… i’m still debating on whether or not to go back.

Yeah, the place was not that clean…not for the sqeamish.
on April 2, 2009 at 10:42 am FoxyMoron

Hooray!

Next time I’ll take you for a 2 am patty melt with extra pickles. And mayo in a packet!

When I was 15 we used to hang out in a Waffle House parking lot in Gwinett Country, Georgia. We’d open all the car doors, blast the music, and sit on the curb. We were so cool.

Um, that is cool Foxy. And I am holding you to that promise.