Hey food people, this is Chris and if you think this post is funny or you just want to compliment me on my shirt, you can normally find me at Surviving Myself.
Lexa asked me to guest blog here today and I consider it quite the honor, so in order to uphold her love of sharing all things food with you, I have decided to share two of my most famous recipes today. Now I must warn you, what follows is not for amateurs. I am a professional and have spent years perfecting these, so make no mistake about it, should you try and replicate them, you will fail at least 37 times before you get it just right.
I know that sounds depressing, but life is difficult my friends, just ask the guy in WHAM! who wasn’t George Michael.
Without further ado, I present to you, Chris’ Recipes Of Brilliant Fun Good Time Happy:
Grilled Cheese
1. Get wasted at a bar.
2. Yell at someone (a friend or someone you don’t know) about something that doesn’t really matter, like how tight you prefer your shoelaces to be.
3. Stumble home.
4. Turn on Sportscenter. Yell at TV and/or pet.
5. Put butter on two pieces of bread, with cheese in between.
6. Place on heated skillet.
7. Avoid passing out while waiting for it to finish by drunk texting your friends that they suck.
8. Eat grilled cheese.
Pasta with Special Red Sauce
1. Search entire apartment for something better.
2. Curse yourself for being lazy and not going grocery shopping.
3. Boil water in a pot.
4. Add pasta even if it’s spilled out into the cabinet, it is still Okay.
5. Pull jar of Prego out of cabinet.
6. Laugh about “Prego Lego” joke you make in your head.
7. Drain pasta and yell when it burns your face, then pour sauce onto pasta.
8. Eat Pasta with Special Red Sauce.
I know that right now you’re shaking your head and thinking that you cannot possibly make these items, but I believe in you. I know that you can and I challenge you to try.
Oh, and I should add to make sure you call and apologize after Step #7 in the first one, otherwise you won’t have many friends left to share these culinary delights with.
Butter?
Mayo and spicy mustard. That’s the way to win.
Dude if you ever have red sauce and moz cheese (and pepperoni for me but I know your a veg so you can use olives or something less delicious, like that) put that shit on a bagel…then in the oven. Its amazing at 3:00am.
I disagree completely.
Tightness of shoelaces is a VERY important matter. LACES OUT, DAN!!!
I’m definitely having a grilled cheese tonight and pasta with red sauce tomorrow for dinner. 100% for serious.
[...] Comments Okay, one more guest post and I’m done for awhile, I promise. Today I’m at Culinary Couture, where I disclose two recipes that have been in my family for generations or maybe just since I was [...]
These recipes seem to require a lot of yelling. You’re not Irish/Italian, are you?
That is EXACTLY how I make grilled cheese…except replace sportscenter with VH1 bad reality shows
How important is the yelling? Because I don’t want to try to eat my grilled cheese through bloody teeth because someone punched me in the face.
A DASH OF GARLIC POWDER ON THE GRILLED CHEESE!
Seriously. You’ll thank me later.
People, Chris’s fiancee has said that his grilled cheese sandwiches are THE BEST so I will absolutely be printing this recipe out and trying it.
I think they also like them with a side of Sun Chips.
Two recipes that even I can handle. Finally.
wait. how do you make grilled cheez?!?!
…
i kid! i kid!
ahhhh, i hate when i drain pasta and it burns my face. what i hate even more is when i have on my glasses and the steam fogs them up - stupid steam.
You are the man!
Your recipes are absolutely magnificent and I guess it’s safe to assume that they’ll be on the menu at your reception.
yummy…
That is EXACTLY how pasta gets made around here. Prego is always good for a laugh.
You’ve blogged about grilled cheese before. And now we all have the recipe. Oh Chris, your plot for world domination through the hot sandwich arts might just be undone. Or strengthened. Only time will tell.
the drunk texting is key. sometimes if you do pass out, the alert tone of a new message will wake you in time to prevent the glorious sandwich from burning.
I buy Prego in gallon containers.
It lasts longer that way and is more cost efficient.
Congrats Chris! You’re ready to be a parent. At least you’ve got the cooking down… (Although I usually am not wasted when I make the cheese sammy.)
I’m a fan of peanut butter on white bread. It does not require you to turn on the stove or the oven - which is a bad, bad thing for me when I’m drunk.
I got three fire extinguishers one year for my birthday if that tells you anything.
Drunk food rocks. I feel like you’re not truly a bachelor until you’ve made drunken grilled cheese with an iron…
I hear you have a “cereal with milk” recipe that is to die for but is so super-duper secret that the government has you on their radar.
Until then, I will just have to settle on my “open box, pour in bowl, add milk” recipe that was handed down through generations of the VonPartypants clan.
Eating Prego after college is sooooooo Not Okay. But then, I’m part Italian. Only 1/4, but my inner cook is 75-90% Italian.
“Avoid passing out while waiting for it to finish by drunk texting your friends that they suck.”
At least I’m not the only one!
“Brilliant Fun Good Time Happy” yes, grill cheese is kind of like that.
but when I’m drunk, the drive thru is sort of “Brilliant Fun Good Time Happy” too.
You, Chris, have some mad skillz.
Leggo my Prego??
That’s all I got.
wow! that was quick…good though..I might try the grilled cheese sandwich.
died laughing at the shoelace comment. Can this be substituted with my common drunk tirade: which is worse, American or European porn?
Love the recipe for pasta and red sauce, though I prefer to go old school. I like Ragu better than Prego! Yes I’m talking old school folks, before we had Prego! Yahoo for Ragu!