…and in the End

This is my last blog entry.

I’ve been writing this blog for over two and a half years.  Sometimes I look back and marvel on how much things have changed…yet still somehow remained the same.  I’ve grown, I’ve regressed, I’ve managed to piss people off…wash, rinse, repeat.

The past six months or so this blog has become more of a retreat than ever.  I finally started writing for myself, when and what I wanted to write.  But as things changed, I felt disconnected from certain elements of blogging and began editing myself more than ever.  There are whole blocks of my life–my family, work, relationships with men and friends–that I don’t feel the freedom to explore.  I realize these are contradictory statements, but it seems the more you want to open up the more you realize you cannot.  This is probably for the best; not every thought is meant to be spoken nor every feeling ripe for analysis.

Instead I have been focusing on myself, the Lexa away from this blog.  Shocking news that she actually exists!  But I do, thank God.  I got a new job five months ago and really hit it off with most everyone. I get along well with my boss and when he quit a few weeks back, he asked me to come with him.

Next week I start working for the food and restaurant industry. To say I am thrilled is an understatement.

As I don’t have a lingering desire to be dooced, to blow my career, stepping away from this space seems necessary.  It is time for me to live life away from the internet, to focus on something else.  I cannot imagine I will stop writing, but this is a chapter that needs to end. Maybe I will finally submit some of this. Perhaps I will show up sometime in the future with a completely food free focus.  Who knows.

I have met so many amazing people all over the country thanks to this act of narcissism.  I hope I can hold on to most of you and I have become a real person, more than just words on a page.  Let’s be honest though; the internet is not all joy and lollipops.  There are some real fuckers out there–sexist, racists, delusional man children with God complexes–and I have even had the distinct privilege of dating/fucking/loving a few.  To them, I say good luck with life!

There is a certain amount of hubris that goes in to writing a blog, or for that matter a “farewell” post.  I never claimed to be free of ego. What I can say is this: this blog has brought me more joy, support and laughs than you all can ever imagine.  Who knew people were as sick, twisted, and ridiculous as me?  Fuck, I will even miss the hate mail and nasty comments; it serves me well to be reminded of my flaws.

I will miss this, you…but it is time. To everyone, the readers, commenters, perverts, foodies, lurkers…thank you.