Friday night I was out with some friends, having a girls night and catching up. A woman sitting alone at the bar made room for
us and we invited her in to our conversation. Now, she seemed harmless enough. I am not one to think it too odd when someone sits alone at a bar as I have been known to do it myself. It was a bit weird that she was alone on a Friday night, but hey, whatever.
While she seemed friendly enough at the beginning, it quickly became clear why she was alone. She was grilling us on where we were from, what college we attended, and our places of employment. For God sakes lady, we are just trying to chill out and you our giving us the equivalent of a verbal rectal exam. We were losing our patience.
So then she asks what we do at our jobs. I reply “I am the EA to the Head of Government Affairs”.
She replied “So, a glorified secretary.”
First off, what the hell is wrong with being a secretary/administrative assistant/receptionist? Secondly, What. The. Fuck.
She saw the look of shock on my face. In a certain sense, I almost respected her in that moment. It is not often one encounters such flagrant lack of manners. She quickly said “Just kidding” about 10 times, but the thing was, she wasn’t kidding. That is what she thought. She was just regretting her moment of honesty.
It is an odd thing when you are going along, living your life, happy with your decisions and then someone says something that makes you take pause.
I think the most jarring part of this whole interaction was how in my face it was. She said what I know a lot people think. In a city like DC, where what you do is everything, I have certainly faced some under the surface scrutiny at my career choice, more questions than I ever care to answer, and lots of inquiries of what my plan is “after this”.
Well, this is it for now. I can see it being my now for a very long time. I am happy. I get to let my inner control freak flag fly. I make enough money to subsidize the life, the sometimes lavish and over the top life, I enjoy living. I am exploring my hobbies and indulging my whims on a regular basis. Of course, I work through my lunch some days and occasionally have to stay late, but I keep pretty great hours. I have friends I haven’t seen in weeks due to them working themselves in the ground. While I respect their jobs and the sacrifices they are making, it isn’t a lifestyle I am eager to live. I have too much stuff I need to do.
Yet, obviously I am thinking about this stranger and her open condemnation of my choices. It has niggled at me a bit; I cannot lie about that. Frankly, though, even if some stranger wants to judge me for my choices, I wouldn’t change a thing. She seems lonely and a bit bored; I will let her have her judgment while I will happily keep my margarita and my time.
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{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }
We’re all a “glorified” something-or-other.
She was a “glorified” a$$hole.
And if you’ve ever been to the Varisty (and I believe you have?), you might know that a “glorified” dog or hamburger means “all the way”, with everything on it, and if that accurately describes you and the work you do, that’s pretty bada$$.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:23 am
I like where your head is at.
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“niggled” was an excellent choice.
i am, in some ways, a “glorified” intern.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:24 am
I think the word niggled should be used more. Also, you are perfect and so is your job.
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She was a cunt. Plain and simple.
Maybe I’m a little bit bitter that she ruined the cool margarita place for us.
Whore.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:24 am
That place was awesome. So sad.
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“I have friends I haven’t seen in weeks due to them working themselves in the ground. While I respect their jobs and the sacrifices they are making, it isn’t a lifestyle I am eager to live. I have too much stuff I need to do.”
And THIS is why I stay at a quasi-gov’t job that doesn’t pay as much as people think I should be making. I work to finance my life. Then, I want to LIVE it, thanks.
That woman was completely alone on a Friday night, drinking in a bar. She had to glom onto people she didn’t know. Sounds like she’s the miserable one. Fuck her.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:25 am
Yep, enjoying life is pretty damn important and I don’t know if this woman was.
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Holy shit! There’s nothing wrong with what you do for a living. Frankly? people who judge others based on how they (legally) make their income bug the fuck out of me.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:26 am
Yep, nothing wrong…but thanks for your indignation.
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She either hasn’t been in this town for very long… or she isn’t very observant. EAs (and their cousins, Schedulers) run this town.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:27 am
Exactly. I was a scheduler on the Hill for 3 years and guess who controlled all the acess to the Senator….and now the same with my boss.
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Ambition means different things to different people. And sometimes, random women who can’t seem to see past the salted rim of their margarita glasses forget that.
And incidentally, EAs and their (your?) ilk aren’t glorified enough. The simple truth is that in many offices companies, their the ones that make sure shit gets done. And little gets done without them. Also, being on the bad side of one? Good luck.
Maybe that’s why she was alone, hip-deep in maragritas in the first place…
You are certifiably kickass, and good-looking to boot.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:31 am
Aw, Brian. I blush. Thank you.
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This is something that drives me nuts about DC Culture. NO ONE is nearly as important as they think they are. You need all parts of the organization to make it work, and no one part entirely defines it. Fuck her. If you’re happy, no one has a right to make you feel that way.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:33 am
Seriously, people, IT IS JUST WORK. Most people are not changing lives, even if they think they are.
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if she said “whatever” i would have slugged her.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:33 am
I don’t blame you.
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their = they’re the ones…
Sometimes I type faster than I read. My bad.
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I love Cheryl for using the word “glom”.
There wasn’t enough salt in the WORLD for that lady.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:33 am
God, she wwas something else.
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You know, where I work, people always assume I’m a secretary and it pisses me the fuck off.
Now it doesn’t piss me off because I think there is anything “lesser” about being a secretary (and certainly not because I look down on the clerks with whom I work, because I honestly could not get a single thing done without them, they make this place run) but because I worked my ass off to become an engineer. I went through a very difficult engineering program and grad school. I studied and passed technical certification boards, and I take a lot of shit all day, not the least is more than my fair share of sexual harassment.
What pisses me off is that people assume I’m a secretary because I’m a woman in an all male industry, and I never even get the satisfaction of pointing out to these idiots that they do, in fact, work for me, even if they are too stupid to realize it.
See, now I’m projecting. I’ll bet that insecure bitch was too.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:34 am
I think that any time anyone makes an assumption, it is completely annoying. I would be bothered as well.
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Ugh – I hate that bitch. My ex used to tell me never to tell people that I was an EA and instead just to tell them the company I worked for and skate around the actual position in the Fortune 500 company. My position embarassed him. You think I would’ve seen that red flag…
Like you, I love my life. I love the flexibility – the fact that I rarely bring work home – that I’m not saving lives. I have too much I need to do and I’m not living to work.
So, fuck all the haters. We’re doing it right.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:35 am
Oh, your ex was a fucker. How rude. Whatt he hell was he doing that was so important?
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Julie Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:49 am
Leasing office space. “Hey big company, here’s an office for you to put your company in”. Yeah, I’m glad the economy went to shit and he lost his job. I still have mine.
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brian Reply:
November 3rd, 2009 at 5:08 am
my 2c worth.
Why is our value as human being determined by what job position you hold ? How well would cars run without “lowly” mechanics to fix them ? How well would the Boss get through his day without his personal assistant (aka “glorified secretary”) holding his hand and wiping his arse ? @Julie: your ex is a butt wipe, theres a lot more to life than chasing after status. @Lexa: Ditto, people lose sight of the fact a machine is the sum total of its parts. We all are needed and important. Sure you can drive a car without a steering wheel, doesnt mean its a good idea tho
I will cut a bitch.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:07 am
I know you will.
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fuck her. no wonder she was alone.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:07 am
For reals.
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How incredibly rude. For some reason, though, I’m not even surprised. People in this town are far too concerned with status and far too little concerned with manners and tact.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:08 am
You know how I feel about people and their lack of manners, too. This is spot on.
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I hate people like that, and this town crawls with them. My job is what I do (for now), not who I am, and a big part of me wants to keep it that way.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:08 am
And if you do keep it that way, ain’t so shame.
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Thats the thing about strangers… they are always so… strange.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:09 am
Well, everyone is a tranger before they are your friend though, yes? How uplifting.
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I’m an secretary period no glorification. However I’m a well compensated secretary who gets to go home on time most of the time, doesn’t have to travel constantly to icky remote places, and doesn’t have an ulcer from all the stress. I have plenty of time for my friends and family, and plenty of money for new shoes. I stopped giving a f*ck what judgy mcjudgersons like that woman think a long time ago. It’s a nice feeling.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:11 am
It is a nice feeling…and I am glad you have time for all of us.
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I get that kind of response about 50% of the time I tell someone I’m a teacher. There are times when you have to say fuck it and give people all the attention they deserve (i.e. diddly).
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:54 am
People hate on teachers? Jesus.
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Fuck her. Who the hell does she think she is anyway? I can’t stand people like that.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:54 am
It was unsavory for sure.
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You think DC is bad, NYC is 10x worse. I’ve heard it all. The shit I’ve heard from girls is too numerous to list but guys can be pretty clueless too. For example;
One guy who I had befriended while smoking a cigar at a humidor had just been dumped by his girl, so I had invited him out to drinks with my friends so he can get back on his feet. While we were out I strolled up to a girl at a bar at the other side of the joint ’cause she was eyeing me hard so I started chatting her up and suddenly this prick shows up right next to us. Its me, the girl, and him. AWKWARD. Not only is he tactless, he’s belligerent in convo…TO THE BOTH OF US. The girl clearly uncomfortable walks off. I’m so pissed off that I call the troops and we quicly jet, stranding the guy there. This mother fucker spends weeks calling me every fucking day and leaving me voicemails, saying he wants to hang out.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:55 am
Ugh. People are freaking clueless. It is painful.
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Um, that’s horrible – it’s your life, you’re happy – how can that be wrong? I’ve never understood how people can have jobs that leave them with no life to live – how can the power or money or adrenalin rush be worth giving up your life?
I bet she does some high powered job that makes her miserable, and wants everyone else to be miserable too. I do hate this aspect of DC, but there are also lots of people here who want a work/life balance too – the longer I’m here, the more of them I meet.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:56 am
Misery loves company and all this. You are so right.
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I totally feel you on this- sometimes I think about what I do and where I want to go next. I’ll see a project assistant job and think about how much less stressful my life would be outside of work but if I could really do that.
I’m developing things I want to be known for outside of life: my theatre career is taking off and I could make more videos.
I think we are more than our job titles sometimes- but in a place where nobody has a life outside work, to some people a job title is all you have.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:56 am
We are ALWAYS more than our job titles. Always.
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Urgh, sorry she partially ruined your evening
She was jealous for sure. Jealous of your friends, job, margarita and last but NOT least, boobs.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:57 am
Ah, yes…the boobs. I always have those.
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Peregrine John Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Yes, you do! And even if they’re old news to you, I assure you that the rest of the world does not share your view. Jealousy is to be expected now and then.
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See, this is where I would have made a bad situation worse by snapping “it’s better than being a lonely barfly.” I can only seem to come up with the fast rejoinders when they’re a bit too mean.
I’ve been working in non-profit/educational most of my life. I do well in my little underpaid world, but I’m not making six figures and I’m not the mayor or someone whose name is in the paper (well, that can be a double-edged sword). I am happy with my low stress job and my 35-hour workweek. If you’re happy about your present then your future will turn out like you want it to.
That’s kind of deep, maybe I’ll use it again.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
I like it a lot.
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here in portland, everyone is overqualified for the job they do. even the baristas have more degrees than they need to pull espresso shots. that leads to a different kind of passive-aggressive hate on “the man” but at least people here don’t start conversations with “what do you do”.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
6 of one, half a dozen of another…
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Bitch (not you, her).
I’m amazed that in this town people question others about their job choices. Congress is full of assistants that sometimes have their finger on policies better than the Rep or Staff.
A good friend of mine is an EA for a SVP at a trade association. He’s been doing it for over a decade and prefers it over the 6 months he spent as communications director at the same organization. And yes, he’s male, so he’s a “Glorified Male Secretary”?
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Oye. It is so painful. it shows a complete lack of “getting it”.
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Lesson learned. Always bring salt.
Seriously though, your happiness is all that matters. See: my post today :p.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:34 pm
It truly is.
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Um. WHOA. I would’ve choked on my own tongue. Then choked her with it.
The only time I get all uppity like that is when exes are all “I’m dating a doctor. Well…he’s pre-med.”
Then I totally call bullshit and RIGHTFULLY SO YOU PIECE OF-
Wait. I’m projecting. Sorry.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Project away. You are right!
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Sorry you had to go through that. While I’ve definitely had similar experiences of people giving me shit for my job back when I was an admin, I’ve actually had more experiences of people who were admins as well, and would actually find it cool given the company I work for. But I never wanted it to be a career. Anyone who’s happy in that field, I certainly wouldn’t be begrudge them. It’s good work (and can be great job security) depending on the company. And back when I was actually tryin’ to quit the bitch I’m still at (they promoted me to something closer to my field of study from University), I’d always find listings for EA’s and admins offering upwards of 70K a year! I don’t think I’d give a rat’s patoot what I’d have to do for that kinda cake! (I won’t let the boss play grab-ass with me, though!)
Brush off the haters and keep it movin’.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Oh I am moving…and yes, EAs are behind everything and make the lives of high powered people much easier…plus we keep a lot of secrets. We are paid well for this.
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but for serious? y’all make GOOD money and you are in the know about EVERYTHING! it’s a good job to have….
sorry that lady was a**hole… that’s why i friggin’ hate DC sometimes… i want to go around yelling at people, “and who the f*ck ARE YOU??!!” god, people are so self-entitled/important all up around this piece…. :-/
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Hahaha. You just made my day with the use of “up in this piece”.
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So many of my friends in high profile jobs suffer in the social aspect of life. Working 60 hours and being consumed with your occupation make for a very boring person.
Work is probably the least important aspect of a person – if you are happy with what you do and can afford to be a raging alcoholic – what more can you ask for?
Wait – I think this comment became about me and not you somewhere in there.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Haha, well, you know I like my wine, Narm.
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one of the reasons i knew i was going to like my now-boyfriend is that “so, what do you do?” convo didn’t come up until after date 3. and he’s a lawyer. that is RARE in this town.
i’m with you, though – my job is certainly not what people around here “aspire” to, but i LOVE IT. i leave at 5:30 every day, don’t take my work home with me, and make enough to live in a fantastic apartment and eat out at all the dc restaurants i love so much. and i should feel bad about this why exactly…?
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:47 pm
I am super, duper impresed by said BF. Good for him…and you.
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D.C. and its fucking job-status judgments. Do what makes you’re good at, what affords you a good life, and what gives you the time to have that life outside the damn office. That’s what I say.
Oh, and I love you for using the word “niggle.”
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:49 pm
And what you say is right…
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“Glorified” Secretaries UNITE!
Been one for 10 years now and I love it.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:52 pm
It aint so bad. We haev company.
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So, is it time for Ask Lemmonex again yet? ‘Cause I have a question. From tomato soup to shakshuka, recipes often call for some amount of sugar to counter the acidity of the tomatoes.
But adding sweet does not remove the acid, it merely adds sweetness! Having both at once is a very common thing. A lemon has 3g of sugar, but the tartness of the citric acid overcomes it. Hot & sour soup, among other things, combines the 2 flavors on purpose, and neither wines nor Lexas would be nearly as interesting or tasty without having both.
To counteract, to remove, acid you need an alkali, like baking soda… but never have I seen such a thing suggested. Have you? And if the sugar isn’t changing the pH of the thing, as advertised, what gives?
But if it’s not yet time for that, we’ll get to it later.
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Lemmonex Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I have seen it suggested…not a ton, though. I think if you use the correct amount of sugar, you really cannot taste it.
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Peregrine John Reply:
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Well yeah, that’s what I mean: it’s too small an amount to taste, and not alkali enough to balance the pH… what’s it actually do? And would something like baking soda be a better choice since it does raise the pH? I’m so confused.
Y’know, what I should do is ask Alton Brown these weird chemical questions. He’s all over that sort of thing. Ever see the Good Eats episode on mayonnaise? Wow.
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I think being a secretary is a VERY respectable job. It is one of the ones that women have been doing for a long time, and one that, most people would argue, women are better at than men.
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It never stops. I’ve seen so much of it here in ten years.
But it’s why I like finding people who understand there’s a difference between achievement and status. You should absolutely celebrate and praise people for their achievements; it’s encouraging. But questions and judgments about their status are bastardly.
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I’m a glorified babysitter. For real.
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In the words of a famous bicycle wheel (http://www.brooklynvegan.com/img/music2/haters.jpg), All You Haters Suck My Balls. These words have changed my life. No one knows how to live your life better than you.
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I’d much rather be a glorified secretary with time for hobbies & life-living than work 75 hours at a week at a job I don’t give a damn about with no overtime. Not that I know anything about that second one, I mean…
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God I’m sorry to hear she said that. I would have cut her or said something ridiculously bitchy back. That’s just so rude. Who the f*ck does she think she is?
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I know this is a serious post, but good god! I could not stop thinking how awesomely hot that movie was. I want a secretary like that any day!
I feel you on this as well. I hate when people ask “what do you do” as if what I do to earn play money defines me as a person. I usually end up saying “your mom” or something to that effect.
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People are just so short-sighted and intent upon their own BS…that foolish woman is missing out on a lot of life by judging a stranger based upon their job! What a waste. Like you said – the emotional trade off some people make for their jobs is just not worth the loss of life. I’d take a margarita over working until 7pm, anyday. =-)
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when i was in the second grade i was asked to draw a pic and write what i wanted to be when i grew up. i wrote the following…
“when i grow up i want to be a secretary for my dad so that i can see him everyday”
awwwwwwwwwwwwwww
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Yooo great job with this post!
LOL it did something for me.
Thank you for sharing:)
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