I know my mom reads this blog. About a year ago I came to find out that my grandma reads too. She commented. That was a little jarring.
Grandma, I am really sorry I write about picking up men on the metro and having sex with Jesus and say the words fuck and cunt a lot.
Truth of the matter is my mother and I argued a lot about what I would write in the beginning. Objectively, I cannot really blame her. Who wants to see their baby talk about orgasms online? I have always argued, and will continue to argue, that while I am outlandish at times my mother only has herself to blame for this mouth. (Ma, chime in here. You know you egg me on like hell.) Plus, Mom has always urged me to speak my mind and be honest with myself, something I have embraced and has guided me in my writing.
We have had a lot of serious talks about this here space, but over the past year or so they have ended. A bit of a truce was reached; I would warn her when I thought she ought to skip something and she would do her best to accept that I am a grown up and nothing is personal. Also, I have practiced restraint on many occasions knowing she was reading; I think asking yourself if this is something you would want your mom to see is a pretty good question to ask yourself before hitting publish.
Now, move to yesterday. There was a bit of a family melee on my mother’s facebook wall over Michael Jackson. There was name calling and finger pointing. Let me repeat this: A full blown argument erupted in a public forum over Michael Jackson. America is in decline…the terrorists deserve to win. I stayed out of it until a younger cousin called my mom a name; ain’t no one gonna fuck with my mommy.
I just stepped in and asked everyone to calm down, to behave respectfully. Of course, as things are wont to do in ridiculous arguments that are never really about the matter at hand, my blog was called to the mat. How was I to talk about respect and manners when I write this blog?
And then MamaBear said this:
- As far as Lexa’s blog is concerned, that is a writing outlet for her and I would die defending it even if it sometimes makes me uncomfortable. It is not written to me, for me or towards me.
Mom, this may not be written for you or towards you, but I feel like I can say a lot of this stuff because of you. Thank you.
Now who do I need to cut?
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{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }
You mom and my mom need to rendezvouz at the bar around two.
Which is my really weird way of saying, we’re damn lucky, aren’t we?
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 6:01 am
Now that song will be in my head all day, you bitch.
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That is awesome. Mamabear rocks.
Also, who the hell was calling your mother names? On Facebook??? Mamabear, I hope you realize that, even though such things may sting, they only indict the name-caller, ridiculous pissants that they must be.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 6:04 am
It is awesome. And, Mom, what he said.
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It’s nice when someone stands up for you isn’t it
Your mom rocks.
My mom would probably jump off a cliff if she ever read my blog, but she never will so that’s okay.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 6:08 am
It was really nice. Made my night.
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Hi Lexa’s mom!
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 6:12 am
Mom, this is Matt. Matt, my mom.
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When my dad found my blog, he didn’t tell my mom…She would never understand.
So I envy your relationship with your mom. You are truly lucky.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 6:13 am
Our relationship isn’t perfect but I am trying.
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PQ Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 6:21 am
I’ve tried. I love my mom to death and I really wish that I could count on her to be there…but the fact is that she is sick and I’ve accepted that reality.
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My mother has had a hard time getting her head around why I keep a blog and write about the intimate details of my life to an audience of both perfect strangers and close friends and family who might not otherwise know those intimate details—and for good reason! It’s taken a good year or so but I think she’s finally starting to understand that my blog has nothing to do with her—same as what your mother said. You write for you, no one else. And damn anyone who tries to tell you or censor you otherwise.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 7:22 am
I will not be shamed, dammit.
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My mom reads my blog too and she’ll make a comment on things she doesn’t like, she does it for my own good I know. Especially since for the most part I agree with her so I try to keep her (and my inner guilt) happy.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 7:22 am
I think keeping her happy is probably a smart move.
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I would never tell my mother about my blog, but I think ultimately she would be OK with it. It would likely only confirm what she already suspects…
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 7:25 am
It doesn’t shock mom that I can be a bit potty mouthed, though she does hate that.
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My parents, my husbands entire family and my best buds parents all read. I don’t censor, but I do try not to write things that would make it tough to look my MIL in the eye.
Way to go for your mom, and boo on your cousin. WTF facebook family?
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 7:27 am
WTF indeed. I was appalled.
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uhm, every bit of this post made me all kinds of happy. moms rule.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 7:27 am
They do, they do.
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my mom would get a kick out of the fact i have a blog, and would probably comment six times on each post. she does that on facebook….
my dad, though… he’d probably feel like “why didn’t you feel you could tell me?” type thing. and then he’d get over it and probably mock me.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Well, Cavy, why DON’T you feel like you can tell your dad these things?
Ahem.
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That? Is just fantastic. Congratulations to both of you, for having each other!
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 7:32 am
It was pretty awesome.
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I kind of love your mom. My mom stays as far as she can from my blog, because I think she wouldn’t know HOW to defend it if it became an issue. Hm.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:29 am
Does she know the URL?
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I had a problem with my parents when they found my blog. I think we didn’t talk for two or three weeks. It got to the point where I told them respectfully to never look at it again. It may have been a challenge, who knows? I am not sure my mom would defend the things I write in blog or respect it as my own personal outlet. You are SO LUCKY. I am wicked jealous.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:30 am
We are grown ups…sure it is hard sometimes, but I don’t understand the strong reaction.
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Desiree Aubigny Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 10:55 am
I think the TMIT about finding my dad’s viagra might have had something to do with it…
In all fairness, I never thought they would google me and come across my blog. Bull!
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First, may I have your family’s names so I may befriend them on Facebook? Because it seems way more interesting than the other stuff that goes on in Facebook (arguments about Michael Jackson? Name calling relatives? Count me in!)
Second, without the slightest bit of irony, I would probably curl up in a ball and die at the thought of what my own daughters might someday say in a blog, but kudos to your mom for respecting your right to say them.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Hard to think of your babies as grown ups, I am sure.
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I’m not the first, or even fourth person to say it, but here ’tis anyway: Your Mom freakin’ rocks. No, not remotely all moms are even distantly so rockular.
And yeah, based on the news of the past couple weeks, and what has not been in it, America is truly, madly, deeply hosed.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:33 am
We are so screwed. Don’t get me going.
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i really liked your mom when i met her. this affirms it even more.
also, she was taking a shot with us at the time, so she’s a win in my book always.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:33 am
PS–Mom NEVER drinks. You worked some magic on her.
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Family name-calling has spread from reunions and weddings to Facebook wall-posts? Not cool. That stuff is supposed to stay inside the family.
My mom knows about the blog and reads occasionally, certainly any time I send her a link to something I think she’d like. But the “what if she read” standard is a golden one before hitting “publish” for me. I’d never cater to her, but I do make sure I never embarrass her.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:34 am
That is what I am saying! On facebook! There was dirty laundry being aired.
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Lexa’s Mom should get a high five and ginormous bouquet of flowers.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:35 am
High five mom!
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my relationship with my mom is, um – troubled – yeah thats a good word. I occasionally blog about it – I try to keep it even handed and sorta respectful even though she does not read it because – well because no matter how badly we get along she’s my mom. Regardless of any restraint on my part – if she ever found it she would be ballistic – that’s just who she is.
My hubby reads and I don’t censor for him. i think my SIL may read it too and lord knows I don’t censor for her.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:36 am
I don’t think you say anything out of line, though. That is too bad.
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Ha! Mere moments ago, I added in a note for my mom to skip a post, just before hitting publish. I know she has read the blog before, but I’m not sure if she regularly reads it. Whaddaya gonna do?
You and your mom sound like a team I wouldn’t want to mess with.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:38 am
We may have shot a man in Reno just to watch him die…
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Aw, cheers to your mom! And my mom still calls me for advice on how to copy and paste, or help find her “desktop” (i gave her this book for mothers day) so even if I told her I had a blog, which I don’t plan on, I feel safe knowing she would never figure out how to read it.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:42 am
I love that book!!
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Friends may come and friends may go but at the end of the day family is still family. Kudos to both you & your mum!
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:45 am
I think we done good.
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I’ve had my mom pull a mama bear for me before, also in a family setting. And while it sucks she had to do it, I love that she did and know she’d do it again in a heartbeat.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Mom’s are always there but also very good to be reminded.
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That’s awesome that you stood up for your mom and vice versa. And WHY would anyone argue over Michael Jackson? Come on people!
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:47 am
Jules, we must respect the dead and not point out that the man was troubled.
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Hi Matt. Thank-you everyone for your “rockness”. Lex, I thought we weren’t going to talk about that man on Reno anymore! And why wouldn’t I defend my daughter’s blog. I am so proud of you Lex and everything you have accomplished. Plus, I love you like crazy!
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 10:14 am
I love you too!!
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Grandma, I am really sorry I write about picking up men on the metro and having sex with Jesus and say the words fuck and cunt a lot.
very classy of you.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Grandma is ok with me joking. Don’t you worry about me.
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i love this post because like you my mom and entire family reads my blog and while my mom and i also have drawn a bit of a truce about the fact that she hates that i talk about drinking so much on my blog my truce to her is that there will be no sex talk.
currently that’s very easy to oblige to, haha.
also, you’re momma bear sounds awesome.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 10:37 am
You can still talk about sex to me though, yes?
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I forgot to ask, when does the bouquet of flowers come???
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Marie! See what you have done?
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Oh gosh, I’m really, really glad my parents don’t know what my blog is. They know I have one, just like they know I have a twitter, but I keep all of that out of my family’s sight. My mom is rad and she knows a LOT about me but there are things she just doesn’t want or need to know.
It’s hard enough having to kind of censor myself on facebook because my cousins are my friends.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
O, I most definitely leave some stuff off of here.
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I restrain myself a bunch on my often neglected blog. Not that my parents read it, but that my cousins may. My family is not that open to “personal” things. I also have friends who are squemish about “personal” things. Which seems odd, because we can talk about it in a face to face conversation. Maybe that it’s in black and white out here for all to see.
Glad MamaBear defended you. Sounds like your truce is true to that effect.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
I also think that people who don’t blog or whatever think the whole thing is weird…which it kind of is.
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Your mom sounds like awesome. I know my dad KNOWS that I blog, but he doesn’t read my blog. That’s too much technology for him, even though he’s on the interwebz. My mom doesn’t even know what a blog is, let alone email. But if they wanted to suddenly read my blog I wouldn’t mind. They know me. They know who I am and they know I love to write, that blogging is important to me.
Not that I blog about sex with Jesus or anything… :
<3
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
There is nothing wrong about blogging about sex with jesus.
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My mom knows I have a blog but isn’t tech savvy enough to get it (however I’m also dumb enough to get my mom’s bday wrong.)
I’m happy to hear your Mom’s got your back on things, she said exactly what I would of said.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
I forgot my mom and Don’s anniversary one year and I still have not forgive myself…they get over it.
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Wow, your Mom is awesome. From just reading those two sentences it became instantly clear how you became, well, you. Her maternal pride was also justifiably evident. I think we are both proof that we are ultimately products of our mothers. You are very lucky to have such a terrific mom. And keep writing what you think!!
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Welcome Frank. She is pretty awesome.
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My mom also reads my blog, which freaks me the fuck out sometimes, but completely rules others.
But I mainly wanted to say: I hope the aunt or uncle who raised the younger cousin who called your mother names gave his/her crappy offspring a good talking to about acceptable ways to treat your family, because that is NOT cool.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
I don’t think it will happen, to be honest…and I know she saw. Sadness.
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The post just made me happy, then your mom’s comments turned that into a full-blown grin.
Part of the reason why I left Fbook was because my family saw everything I did and the questions were getting to be a bit too much. So while they know I twitter, they have no idea I blog and I intend to keep it that way. But if they did find my blog, they would probably be shocked and appalled.
I feel a sense of guilty pleasure just thinking about it.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I think shocking and awing them is the way to go.
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Bravo to both of you. Only wish I could have met your mamabear when I was in St. A! Next time.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Next time for sure, my sweet.
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Want to borrow my box cutter so you can cut a bitch?
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Aw, this made me cry! So beautiful – both you and your mom. I have to say, though, I’m very curious as to what about the MJ stuff created an actual throw-down…
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My mom doesn’t read my blog, because she hasn’t yet figured out the Internet. (Mom makes me look high-tech…she sends out letters. That she typed. On a Selectric.) My dad, sister, Cousin Peanut, and uncle all read, and my sister occasionally comments, and they all tell me the site is funny.
I tend to stay away from any heavy or inappropriate family or personal stuff. I figure free therapy ain’t free if it costs you the respect of the people you care about.
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Want to borrow my box cutter so you can cut a bitch?
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