Things I learned in Texas:
1. Texan men are lovely. At El Tiempo, home of the best Mexican to ever pass these lips, three men said hello to me before I even reached the bar. During the past month in DC, the only pleasantries I have received from strangers is “Hey Mami” and “Look at that ass, White Girl”. What can I say; I skew ethnic.
2. There are steer in the middle of the city. We saw one outside of The Armadillo Palace. Cindarella tells me this is not a normal occurrence, that it was rented for a party. Ya know what I say? I want to live in a place where thousand pound livestock is rented. All I got my last party was a monster hangover. Thanks for conforming to my stereotypes, Houston. It makes the world easier for me. (By the way, loved Armadillo Palace; there was an art deco armadillo outside and $3 Shiners inside. This is all I want in life.)
3. Apparently gun control is an issue at Taco Cabana. The tortillas were pretty freaking tasty. I have turned to violence for lesser reasons.
4. Bread is a vegetable. Repeat after me, BREAD IS A VEGETABLE.
5. That the pie at House of Pies really is the shit. Sure, you may have to take your sweet treat home because you are suffering from a brutal hangover due to the combination of margaritas, prosecco and beer you consumed the night before, but it is worth it. It was the best banana cream pie I have ever had and Cindarella’s key lime was transformative. As a bonus, it doesn’t even matter the pie is in a Styrofoam container. It is Texas. They are far too cool to worry about matters such as the environment.
Things I learned in Texas: I could totally live there.
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{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
So glad you had fun! I am fond of Texas myself. Glad the House of Pies was good to you, and that you also experienced Taco Cabana (not that you can avoid it, as it is more prolific than McDonald’s out there). Atlanta has the only TC east of Texas, I believe, and Jason and I have been known to tortilla it up after long nights of…church bingo. That’s right, church bingo. Ahem.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:09 am
Taco cabana was also consumed at 2.30 am. That makes it way more delicious.
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Jambalaya is a vegetable? Oh, heavenly Texas!
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:11 am
I know! I love it.
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I would sell my eggs for pie like that.
“Hey Mami” – perfect name for a new blog, methinks.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:11 am
It is a good one…and one I hear often.
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I love it when you get to experience something totally out of your ordinary. I hope it was refreshing and gave you a new boost to keep on keeping on. And if the men are that nice, maybe I ought to go get a confidence booster myself.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:12 am
You should totally go to Texas. They would love you.
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I fucking love Texas. The only state that you can drink a beer and drive and carry a gun! Oh, and the food and music scene is pretty kick ass too.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:14 am
Yes, no problem at all with drinking and driving. AHEM.
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I can’t imagine what sort of Bacchanalia would require the services of a steer. It truly is another world over there.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:18 am
I know. It is completely foreign, but awesome.
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Texas is one state—like Florida—that I try to avoid at all costs.
That said, I think I would travel the miles just for a slice of that banana cream pie. Holy cow—no pun intended…—it looks friggin’ AMAZING.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:18 am
I LOATHE Florida. It is just an awful place. Too bad my parents live there.
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I love Texas- but I’m more of an Austin girl myself. Those Texan men…
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:19 am
They are so…manly.
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I love how even the BBQ sauce has Brisket trimmings…
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:20 am
They know what is up, Matt.
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From what I’ve learned when I’ve been in Texas – ALL desserts in Texas are from Heaven. I think God bakes them Himself. And NONE of those vegetables are even slightly healthy! YES!!!!! That’s why Texas will be its own country someday – ask them. They will tell you.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:31 am
I did not eat a vegetable all weekend.
Actually, not true. Salsa is a veggie.
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So Texas CAN be it’s own country then.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 6:31 am
It should be.
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a gun might be necessary if your dinner companion tried to steal a tortilla off your plate.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:07 am
Seriously. You know whats up.
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MOO COWWWWWWWW!!!
You best have brought me back some of that pie. Things I will also accept; 10 gallon hats, or a man with a drawl in boots to follow me around and tell me how purty I look to-dee.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:08 am
Um, yes. There is pie for you, yes.
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Taco Cabana at 2:30am – YUM!
I love how Texas men hold the door open for you. I thought all men here were cretins until I learned that people here (men and women) think it is a patronizing custom. I have no such hangups.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:09 am
It has been AGES since a man opened a door for me, though I usually barrel though, so it probably is not their fault.
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Yeah, it’s not a bad place, and you were in Houston, which virtually all Texans regard as one of the crappier cities.
I’ll second Austin as the place you need to spend an extended drunken weekend: BBQ in Lockhart, Chilling out at Barton Springs, Boating on Lake Travis, Drunken Asshattery on Sixth. Tacos at Guero’s. Shopping on South Congress. The heat sucks, but then again, it sucks here too.
The drawback: The politics. And it’s a serious drawback.
Kudos on the 2:30 Taco Cabano run. We used to do that all the time, then go back the next morning for breakfast tacos.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:10 am
The politics are honestly the thing that is halting an all out humpfest on Texas.
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Dang it. Now I need to schedule a trip to Texas. I mean, I’m related to a fair bit of the state, but it’s been a long, long time since I visited. The Beach Boys were right, which is no small part of why I’m in California, but one big reason Texan men are great is that Texan women are great. That fantastic pie there is a reminder of just the tip of the iceberg, one aspect of many. Three wonderful words: long-haired equestriennes.
Oh, lordy.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:10 am
I see your “Oh Lordy” and raise ya a “sighhhh”.
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Texas is fabulous except for the humidity and heat. I totally couldn’t deal.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:12 am
Yeah, that was a HUGE drawback. Swass is not hot.
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That is quite a pie.
And you have given me a great idea – I am now on a mission to have a live steer at my next gathering/party.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:13 am
Why would you NOT?
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Glad H-Town learned you a few things Texan, culinary and otherwise.
You know what else is great about Texas, which you left out? Texas Women.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:13 am
They were some mighty fine women…quite well dressed.
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i NEVER thought i’d see the day where i felt any inclination to visit Texas.
but now?
i kinda really wanna go. even if it’s just to say that i’ve been.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:14 am
Go! Why would you not go to Texas?
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why doesn’t the USDA food pyramid recognize bread is a vegetable? this is the best idea, ahem, FACT i have ever seen.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:14 am
Yes, a fact, dammit. A FACT.
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Wow, seems like Texas is really the place to be
Glad you enjoyed the greasy food and lived to tell !! All this talk about booze and fat and dessert is making me hungry, I’m booking a flight to TX as we speak.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:15 am
Greasy food and booze? Welcome to my life.
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Love the pics! Looks like your host gave you a good vacation, and you captured Texas perfectly in your description. yay!
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:16 am
Ha, thanks. Most were taken while drunk.
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i LOVE that bread is a veggie. that’s my kinda beat.
and wow, i want a bite of that banana cream pie. yummy.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:16 am
No SHIT. Genius.
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PS bring my boyfriend VK next time.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:17 am
I will tell him you were asking for him….We are going to a wedding together this weekend. (JUST FRIENDS)
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That pie…mmmmm. Also, I’m curious about what kind of party the steer was rented for. Is that like the equivalent of pony rides?
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:02 pm
We are not sure, but I wish I was at that party.
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“Bread is a vegetable.”
And I am DOWN with that.
Lemmonex, you make me want to go to Texas. Very impressive.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I do my best here, Lost Artist.
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Texas is under a lifelong ban from me. I hate it. I hate it so much. It pained me every time I drove through there between Arizona and DC. I had a rule about never spending the night there, and I always tried to make it through the top part without stopping for gas or the bathroom. Because I hate Texas so much, and they do not get ANY of my money if I can help it.
Texas = BAD.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:02 pm
What don’t you like? The heat? The over the topness?
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jordanbaker Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:49 am
The Texans.
The Politics.
The Religion.
Oh, and they killed Kennedy.
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I am now on a mission to have a live steer at my next gathering/party.
- Why would you NOT?
Familiarity with the smell and sheer volume of what comes out the non-horned end would discourage most.
I see your “Oh Lordy” and raise ya a “sighhhh”.
Yup yup. You remind me that I need to get back on a horse, myself.
And that Hank Williams song reminds me of this one, by the Oak Ridge Boys. Haven’t heard it in years. My parents weren’t big on country (nor am I, really), but man, did they love the Oak Ridge Boys. Anyway, fun little song.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:04 pm
I am not big on country, either.
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Lived in two very different parts of Texas for a total of six years and enjoyed all of it. One of the best things I ever heard about eating in Tejas is this: “It isn’t dinner in Texas unless innocent animals give their lives, even salads have bacon on them.”
I totally second BH on the Austin weekend. Nothing mentioned there that isn’t good. And, in case you’re interested, Travis County, where Austin is, is one of the few counties in Texas to vote democratic in the last election. Just sayin’.
If you head a little east of Houston, you get into a part of the state that’s more Louisiana than Texas and the food just gets better and better. Ummm, gumbo!
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Oh the best of both worlds…gumbo in Texas. I love it.
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apparently the Florida Avenue Grill thinks DC is Texas. they have a “vegetables” list that includes stuff like mac and cheese. delicious.
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Patrick Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 10:38 am
Wait Mac and Cheese is a vegetable? Yes!
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:07 pm
It is glorious. GLORIOUS.
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so where is the post about the strip clubs you went to?
Lisa,
It’s on like kong
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
We went to NKOTB…so no strip clubs. Sad, I know.
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She went to House of Pies! Nice.
Houston is great, don’t let the Dallas transplants who went to SWT fool you.
As for you next trip, you’ve got 2 choices
Austin is cool, in that Black Cat/messenger bike/H. Street NE kinda way. My friends used to say it’s where young people went to retire. Get yourself a roomie and a job @ thundercloud, and you’ll be doing well enough to hit the shows every weekend and smoke some doobage. (it’s a real hippy town)
Dallas is a big city but despite the size and diversity, it’s much more conservative than Houston, a big blue dot in a red state. It’s still got a lot to offer though.
And I didn’t mention San Antonio (or Hell Paso) on purpose.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
I hear El Paso has great TexMex…obviously, but still.
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Few things impress me more than an enormous slice of pie. OK, I’m just saying that. But wow.
I’m glad you had such fun.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
there was about a WHOLE banana in that slice.
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I’m delighted you liked our State. Many happy returns, I hope…The Armadillo is a great place. For your Yankee readers, “Shiner” is a beer similar to Yuengling’s. The deal with the Taco Cabana gun sign is, a concealed-carry handgun license holder has the right to carry in any establishment that does not get 51% of its revenue from alcohol sales (you might have seen signs with a “51%” in 12” high red letters at the Armadillo) unless the establishment’s owner posts a sign explicitly forbidding carry. Yes, I have a permit. No, I’ve never needed it.
Any Texan will tell you it’s possible to be courtly and strong. One requires the other – I always hold the door for a lady, and say “ma’am.” Any female over 15 is a lady until proven otherwise. It’s not considered patronizing…ex-military types will tell you they hold the door for a superior officer. I guess most of us think the same way…I’ve been bugging you to give a Texas boy a try for a while now, huh? I’ve seldom known a woman who didn’t find us somewhat appealing, sometimes in spite of herself.
Ditto BH on Austin. If you have time, the Hill Country is beautiful and has some surprisingly decent wineries. . South Padre Island is about 5 hours away, if you have the time to spend. Stay away from Dallas…nothing there to see (spoken like the native Houstonian I am).
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:13 pm
I really think I can get behind this courtly and strong thing. It is kinda foreign, but I bet I could learn to love it.
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Hey, Lemmonex…Glad you liked our State.
Made a longer comment, but it may have gotten stuck in your spam filter (I embedded a link).
I hope you come back! I’m sure you made it a more beautiful State by your visit.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
I fished it out of the trash. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment…and I will be back.
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I would do all that, except for the 3 men saying hello to me. I don’t swing that way.
Alas, my only experience in TX was stopping at DFW for a layover on the way to San Francisco.
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I want that pie. I WANT THAT PIE.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Go to Texas!
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I hear that North Carolina may have some BBQ and while we are not quite as wide open as Texas…We do what we can.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Former Alpha! I have missed you…hope you are well…
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Former Alpha Reply:
July 22nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I am! I am pleased as (insert favorite drink here) to be back and to see what lovely things you have done with the place.
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Cows and bulls wandering down the center of a street. Are you sure you were not in India?
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:53 am
I am sure.
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YUCK. You’re really awesome and all, but if you move to Texas, I will pretend as though you never existed.
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Bristlecone Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:50 am
Are you hating on Texas, or Lemmy? Presumably a “friend” transcends geography.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:54 am
Texas…I am sure of it.
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Texas men can be quite gentlemanly until you get them drunk and then all hell breaks lose. You might even find them thinking they’re a real cowboy and trying to wrestle one of those cows or bulls wandering around.
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Lemmonex Reply:
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:56 am
Welcome Peach Tart. Can I get a Texas man to wrestle me?
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Despite that whole JFK, and inflicting GWB on us thing, I rather like a lot about Texas, but there is no way in hell I could deal with Houston’s heat in the summer.
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