I’ve always tried to be as honest as I can be about myself. I’m loud, I am brash, and I am constantly over scheduled. I stretch myself too thin. I do my best to be a good friend and I know I fail at that sometimes. I have torn through some men in my 28 years: some were sport, some were time killers, some were bad news, while some special ones were amazing, smart, and loved. I can be shockingly self absorbed and at times egotistical, but I don’t think that is necessarily bad. Oh, and dramatic…that too.
I act tough and I can have downright unrealistic expectations of people at times. I love hard, play hard and laugh hard. I drink too much and I often eat too much. I struggle every day with a very tenuous truce with my body image and self perception. I am almost continually dissatisfied with the status quo. I am defensive, guarded and can be an unrepentant hardass. I love my close friends 
ferociously and feel so lucky to be surrounded by people I truly respect and admire. I really am a little white trash in my heart–I am not kidding about my love of leopard print, big hair, loads of eyeliner, and showing off my cleavage. I am ok with that; I will never go to church, wear khaki, or drive a mini-van. Inside of me lives a softie who just wants some pretty simple things in this lifetime; love, happiness, and some pretty stellar carrot cake.
I am tired, y’all.
I am literally tired. Sleep is hard to come by and cups of coffee fill my days.
I am tired of an unending job search that has left me frustrated and so, so, SO close so many times but has just come up short.
I am tired of this medicine that has left me with an off kilter appetite and all kinds of screwed up.
I am tired of all the emails and comments I receive about my diet, my body (past and present), my weight, and my appearance.
I need a break.
I am not quitting, but I am reevaluating. I may stop blogging about food. I may entirely reformat. I don’t know. I promise to come back, probably within a month. I will still continue to read all the blogs I love and hopefully I will discover some new ones to inspire me.
I love this blog. I love my life and my friends. I am continually amazed by all the awesome people I have met as a result of this little corner of the world. I just don’t want this space to be something that stresses me out, and lately it has been.
Being so honest, doing my best to accurately represent myself, no doubt has it rewards. I have connected with people in amazing ways and found some kindred spirits out on this big world wide web. I think all this introspection and self indulgence has made me a better person in a lot of ways; I am painfully flawed, but in a lot of ways I am really proud of myself and who I am.
Lately I haven’t been as proud of my writing or as happy with my recipes. The sometimes nasty comments and emails have been bothering me more. Sure, some are completely ridiculous, but god damn if some don’t hurt me. My body doesn’t belong to anyone but me and I will never get why anyone feels otherwise. I am not letting myself be silenced by a select group of assholes, but I don’t quite feel like dealing with it right now.
So, yes, a break. I will keep on being me, all of me. Soon, I will be back to share it all. I am tired and I think I deserve some rest. I hope you will be here when I come back.
Postscript: I really am ok. I didn’t mean this to seem “cry for helpy”. I am actually pretty fucking awesome, I just need a break and was trying to explain where my heads at…thanks for all your concerns though.
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I know where you live. And even from CA, I will still reach out to find you if needed. =-) Enjoy the break…sometimes it makes all the difference. xo
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Take all the rest you need lady. And you don’t have to apologize or give excuses to anyone. This is your life and your blog after all!
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I feel ya . . . gotta keep it fun. Enjoy the break, friend.
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Lovey. I totally support doing whatever is good for you. Tired needs to be taken care of, and when blogging is heavy, rather than helpful, a break is a great idea. Big hugs to you.
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Lem, it’s been a joy to read about your world on a regular basis, thanks for sharing. I hope the adventures will return soon. If not, your contribution was wonderful. Well done.
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<3
Real fighters know when to throw in the towel, even if only for a little bit.
Take your time, come back if, when and how it's cool for you.
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It takes a smart person to know when she needs to step back for a while and decide what she wants to do. I think you made a good choice. I’m sure you’ll make the decision that’s right for you.
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I will miss your words, but I understand the need to take good care of you and urge you to do whatever you need to accomplish that. More bending elbows, less pressure.
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i will miss your hilarious turns of phrase!
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You know I feel this–a year of black hole depression, unemployment, and horrific haters have been replaced with an overload of work, a new apartment, and a new start for me…so if I can be okay again, I know you will be too. You are amazing.
Things will turn around…but until then, you work on you and make yourself happy. You deserve nothing but the best.
As a recipient from Day 1 of the “blog hate”–I feel you though. Remember when we first met and I told you some of the crap that had happened and that inevitably, once you reach a certain point–people want to hurt you–bring you down.
Sometimes its overwhelming and other times you can move on and just be okay…and other times you NEED a break.
I hope the sex drive, the appetite, and the general feeling of ease come back in the best, healthiest way.
Thinking of you and planning our next dinner and catch up session.
xoxoxoxo
Love you.
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“Lately I haven’t been as proud of my writing or as happy with my recipes. ”
Why, why, why?! Pupu is having a kick at your writing! It is getting more fluid, beautiful and funnier. The tough days come and go. Don’t be so tough on yourself, girl. Rock on!
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Your first 2 paragraphs are me to a tee. That’s why I like your blog. I don’t want to see you go, but since I’m also an insecure person with a bravado facade, your post proves you have balls that I lack. If you can’t do it, how can I?
I don’t know what sh*tty things have been said (rarely read comments), but I love(d) reading about someone who I’d probably be mad friends with if we met. That said, do as I say and not as I do and say “F@CK ‘EM” and keep going. You do more good than you know girl!
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I’ll really miss your daily musings, but I hope you take heart in the fact that your writing helped me through a tough spot last year. While you don’t owe anybody anything, you’ve earned a break.
I’ve always thought that finding inner happiness is one of life’s great mysterys and challenges. Get that squared away, and everything else is gravy. We’ll be here if/when you come back.
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Seriously? Blog hate from the get-go? Geeeeez. First of all, I cannot fathom anyone hating on either Lexa or Kassy unless the hater is simply projecting like an outdoor theater – which is, admittedly, sort of a common pastime around D.C, and not limited to political crappery. I’ve got Baloo/alpha wolf/whatever syndrome something ferocious, and idiots trying to hurt people I like makes me want to glower and growl the way a 6′4″, unshaven beast can. Maybe best I can’t get at them.
Second, I’d say that pointing and laughing at the damn fools is pretty effective, almost as effective as and more direct than continuing to live well, which is still the best revenge. As Thomas More said, “The Devil, that proud spirit, cannot endure mockery.” Works with human devils, too.
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Best of luck with the break. I hope you feel better. I do hope you come back, even if the focus isn’t about food. I love your writing!
Elizabeth
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understandable. i’ve taken more than one break from the blog before… but typically end up missing being a part of an online community too much, and i always come back for more. do what you gotta do
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I will still check in
for my daily dose of Lem
forlorn without you
Take care!!!
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I want you to know that you were inspirational to me in starting my own blog. Because of it, we have met, and I have met other genuinely great people. The “cyber social” network you associate with loves you. The blatant honesty and fault exposing nature of Culinary Couture is amazing and constantly reminds me to just let it go. I have been going back and forth about the direction of my life and blog as well and totally feel you on this issue.
You are an amazing woman and what ever direction you take your writing I will continue to tune in. Hopefully, we can go get that tattoo soon! And of course this comment would not be complete without: Will you marry me?
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Was thinking of you as as I cooked a variation your last posted pasta dish this weekend. I have enjoyed the writing and recipes and decided it was time to delurk. I look forward to whatever this evolves into and glad you can step away to refresh.
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I think a fair share of bloggers end up in this position. At some point, all the nastiness undermines something fundamental about our humanity. It’s sick shit.
BTW, I’ve been somewhat lazy about saving some of these recipes with that “it’s always on the internet” mentality. Could you give us a warning before they vanish entirely, if you decide to go that route? I NEED to eat some of these things.
I mean, I can start printing now, but I know I won’t make a real effort until you tell me it’s time to panic and do it immediately. Just being honest.
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Lem – Oh my god, you have NO IDEA (or maybe you do) how much I get where you are coming from right now. Please, please, please don’t disappear, however. You are one of the reasons I’m climbing back up onto my feet and returning to this cybervillage after a few weeks of self-imposed hybernation. You are an amazing, beautiful woman – inside and out – and what you share, WHATEVER and HOWEVER you share it, is of so much value. I’m dramatic too, but I am definitely not overstating it when I say that your voice is necessary and it changes people’s lives. I hope you find a way to recharge. Soon.
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i miss you.
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While I understand that you are going through a rough spot with your life/blog, I do want to let you know that I absolutely loved the way that you described it. The writing and self description were stellar.
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Taking care of yourself is a really, really important thing. I hope you come back refreshed, renewed, and all that good stuff. In the meantime, I’ll miss your writing and your recipes.
Jenna
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Tuscan Boule Bread…..it was complete heaven. I can’t wait to reheat it for lunch today!
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