This weekend I grabbed dinner with a friend at Zaytinya. Zaytinya is one of my go to restaurants; the food is always reliably good and it is chic without being stuffy. The special list never disappoints and this weekend was no exception. On the special list that night was a delightful dish of shredded lamb in phyllo dough served with a feta yogurt sauce–it was really remarkable.
But this is not about the food or the atmosphere or even the specials. Once again, I feel the need to discuss my favorite topic–service.
My kind of waitress
Let me state upfront I am very “New England” in some ways. I am not a chit chatter or a small talker with strangers. I always acknowledge people and say my pleases and thank yous, but I am not one to idly banter about the weather or what not. It simply is not the way of my people or how I do. Also, my father has been in food service his whole life–as a bartender and a server and now as a store manager at Starbucks–so I really “get” food service. I am not a snob, nor do I think folks in food service are below me…they are me.
Our waitress was capable and our food arrived promptly. Our drinks never waited too long for a refill, though she could have been a bit swifter. The thing that bothered me? Her extreme eagerness.
I know, I know. I am a huge bitch, but really? Do I need an in depth recitation of 6 dishes on the menu she likes? Do I need to laugh about how our names are similar? Not really. It didn’t bother me that much and it certainly did not ruin an awesome meal, but I found it mildly intrusive. My friend pointed out that servers need to hustle and make an impression since they are working for tips. It is a very valid point, but if you are competent, friendly, and attentive, you are a good server. I am not looking for a new friend.
This seems to happen a lot, the overly familiar server. I have been called “hun”; the only place I find this acceptable is at a dinner and someone named Flo is slinging my coffee. The greeting “hey guys” also kind of irks me in a nicer restaurant. But most annoying? Those servers who sit down and talk to you. It has happened more than once and frankly, I damn near want to push them off the chair every time it happens.
So what say you? Am I off base? A huge bitch? On to something? I want to hear your thoughts on service and what is the appropriate level of interaction.
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As a long-time server I can say with experience that, no matter what you do, you cannot win. You can’t. It’s a very Mama Bear and Papa Bear sort of thing – you are either too hot, too cold, too slow, too fast, too friendly, too distant. What works for table one will fail spectacularly with table two. With table one, you are expected to wait until everyone is finished eating before clearing any of the plates; with table two, you are expected to pick up each dish the moment it’s licked clean – etiquette be damned.
The best trait in a server is the ability to read minds, or at least be able to size up their customers and try to cater to what they *think* that customer expects of them. Personally, I would be satisfied that my glass is consistently full and that my food is hot, my silverware present and accounted for, but some folks want more hands-on attention than that and, hopefully, their server will be able to pick up on that well before they drop the check and say, “Come again!”
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Right. I am also totally curious as to where you used to work.
I worked at The Dubliner for a few years. Which actually sort of invalidates my entire claim because I think to be the best waiter in DC you should actually be serving decent food, but whatever, I was still awesome.
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What needs to be emphasized above all else is that this overly familiar behavior is mandated by management, especially, but not exclusively, at corporate outfits – as others have noted. If a low-skilled, low-paid customer service worker is doing something annoying, most of the time it’s because their boss will punish them if they don’t.
The major exception to this is probably servers sitting down with you. That’s just a symptom of society that has lost its valuable standards in pursuit of all things casual. You are in your rights to tell such a waiter to get the hell out of your personal space.
I waited tables for several years at a corporate outfit. My preferred posture of being brief, courteous and competent was criticized (shamed, really) by management as amounting to insufficient friendliness and work ethic. This is why I would advise anyone against working for a chain, and it’s why I never patronize them.
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I’ve been searching all about for this specific information. Thankfully my partner and i seen it on Bing.
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