My friend Virgle Kent calls me Liz Lemon. No, it isn’t because of the glasses. It is because I am a huge spaz.
A few months back there was an episode of “30 Rock” where Liz has her boyfriend, Drew (played by the Adonis-like Jon Hamm), over for dinner. It is a series of humiliations, pratfalls, and indignities; she screws up dinner, accidentally flashes him and says all the wrong things. VK pinged me the next day and told me that is what he imagines a date with me is like.
I didn’t help my case, my “Hey, no, I am nothing like that klutz, trainwreck Liz Lemon” case, when I spilled half a glass of Prosecco on myself a few weeks back when we were at lunch and I just kept on talking. He appropriately mocked me, I just moved right on along, barely noticing.
I am used to it. I have lived with myself for 28 years.
I trip. I cut myself. I fall. I slam in to walls and walk in to coffee tables. I break glasses and drop eggs. I tumble down the stairs at least once a year. The fact that I have been on and off all these headache meds, which effect my balance and equilibrium, for 5 years doesn’t help. Sadly, the pills cannot take all the blame. It is me. It is who I am. To know me is to love that I can barely stand on my own two feet.
As a result, I am habitually covered in bruises. Sometimes I can pinpoint their origins but most of the time I have no idea from whence they sprang. For instance, this huge bruise on my left hip? Ugly purple and green? Absolutely no clue, but I am assuming I walked in to something. Oh bruises, I know you well.
Another thing I know well is a burger and what could be better than a black and blue one? To know it is to love it. This burger was insanely moist thanks to a few things; the onions and garlic sweat out in to the meat, the ground meat had a decent fat content and the sausage imparted some delicious fat as well. The worcestershire sauce and balsamic certainly doesn’t hurt. I demoed these and everyone went insane with how good they tasted. I really think the sausage and blue cheese add an unexpected element to the burger that brings it up to the next level. I overcooked them–I was worried about them being too rare for the crowd–and they were still pretty amazing. That is a mark of a good burger. The picture is subpar–I was so hungry I forgot to snap a picture of it plated–but you can see how juicy they are. Best of all, these are super easy.
Look, I can barely walk but I can make a good burger. Trust me.
Black and Blue Burgers
4 lbs ground beef (not too lean)
3 sweet Italian sausages, cut out of the casing
1 medium sized red onion (or half of a large red onion), finely diced
2 large cloves garlic, chopped
3 TBSP Worcestershire sauce
3 TBSP balsamic vinegar
1/2 cup blue cheese
Salt and pepper (don’t be shy)
Mix together all ingredients with hands. Preheat grill or grill pan. Cook to desired temperature. Don’t be a bitch like me and overcook them, but these are so moist that even medium well, they are really great.
8:49 am on May 20th, 2009
Oh, yep, now I’m making burgers for dinner.
Don’t forget the sausage.
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8:52 am on May 20th, 2009
Another sign of a match made in heaven (or perhaps hell, depends on your perspective) – you can make a great burger; I can eat a great burger. In fact I had one this weekend at Ray’s Hellburgers, although I am sure yours would win any cookoff. Oh and to yin your yang I have excellent balance (extends even to my checkbook) so when you trip or crash into something I can catch you or at least break your fall.
Every girl just wants to be caught.
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9:07 am on May 20th, 2009
Those look delicious! And I have the same problem with bruises… I never ever know where they come from. My legs look like I walk through a war zone on my way to work.
It is like trying to solve a mystery.
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9:14 am on May 20th, 2009
i love sausage in burgers, its the best flavor addition.
i don’t think your liz lemon, but if you are like her, at least she has food (lemon) in her name – that does suit you…
It add a really nice depth of flavor for sure.
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9:22 am on May 20th, 2009
im also very familiar with the unfamiliar bruises. they constantly happen to me and i never ever know what they came from. it looks real classy when i wear a skirt as i look like ive been doing a whole ‘nother kind of job.
i want that burger.
You can make that burger, love.
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9:29 am on May 20th, 2009
My mouth is watering and it’s only morning. Yum!
I’m the same, I’ll trip, fall, bump into stuff, spill on myself (usually when wearing white) and basically make my little ol’ self look like a walking clown.
It’s a gift.
Wearing white is a curse. It guarantees you will spill.
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9:33 am on May 20th, 2009
I find the blue cheese kinda ick, but I can substitute goat cheese (I’ve used feta in the past) and be happy.
I totally understand the klutz thing. I’m the same way (poor Nick runs whenever I scream like a dying cat after stubbing my toe or scratching myself up). I recently had to be fingerprinted for my US Citizenship and they guy actually commented on the amount of cuts on my fingers.
The blue cheese is not that potent, but goat cheese would work just as well.
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9:39 am on May 20th, 2009
The zen of rob is: if I touch it drop it and if I drop it I break it. Just the way it is, so I feel you there. My current unexplained bruise is on my left heel.
In the same manner as your burger, never make meatloaf without a little sausage to keep it moist.
MMM, meatloaf. Nice. I like where your head is at.
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9:54 am on May 20th, 2009
sum’bitch!!! sausage?? cheese???
why have I not thought of this??
I am a genius.
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9:59 am on May 20th, 2009
Had burgers with swiss for dinner last night. They were the Teeter’s pre-pattied ones, but they were big and tasty. Yours, though, look so much bigger and better (that’s what he said) and I wish mine had had blue cheese in them.
Next time, for sure.
Bigger is better…always.
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10:12 am on May 20th, 2009
I love that I have that exact same pan at home!
Twinsies!
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10:22 am on May 20th, 2009
How strong is the blue cheese taste? I’m usually not a fan, but those burgers look amazing. Mmmmmm.
It really isn’t that strong. I didn’t use a ton.
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10:25 am on May 20th, 2009
Those look pretty good. And you’re so clever in combining you’re recipes with a post!
You should write a cookbook in the same style!
Thanks so much…and welcome.
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10:30 am on May 20th, 2009
Liebchen, it probably depends on the cheese. Me, I’d use a Danish or Maytag. Nice flavor level, and they crumble nicely for mixing. You could go crazy with Stilton or something, but unless you’re a blue cheese nut like me, it might be a bit much.
Speaking of a bit much, that’s a pile of wurchesimpschurshirehamlordshire in the recipe. But I’ll trust you.
I sometimes top a patty with blue cheese as well as some more usual-to-top-a-burger-with type, but for some reason haven’t ever mixed it into the meat. Along with the sweet sausage, well, this here recipe is going to need to meet my grill soon!
It is a lot of wocestershire sauce, but that is also a whole lotta meat, my friend.
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10:30 am on May 20th, 2009
And once again you create such a post that warrants the following response: Will you marry me?
You are not sincere with your offers, my dear.
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10:33 am on May 20th, 2009
Those burgers do look delish. And I love that you’re a klutz, because I am too. In fact, the post that made me a fan of yours was when you almost got hit by a car and took a tumble a few months back. I know it was their fault that time, but you just looked so adorable holding up your skinned elbow and pouting.
I have the pouting look down.
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10:53 am on May 20th, 2009
Ah, but do you fall UP stairs? That takes a special person.
The burgers look great and I am not a meat-eater!
Yes, I have managed to trip up a few steps. We are special.
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10:57 am on May 20th, 2009
You lean on me, I’ll lean on you. Somehow we’ll get through with only the bruises, methinks.
Yeah, I emoticonned you. WHAT OF IT
Just say no to emoticons. You are better than that, my heart.
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11:09 am on May 20th, 2009
God, I’m sorry, but the only thing I kept thinking about when I read this was how overrated 30 Rock is.
And ya know what? I knew you were gonna say that.
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11:24 am on May 20th, 2009
“I can barely walk but I can make a good burger”
I wish I had my priorities in order like that. And, actually, I’m not even being sarcastic. Amazing food always trumps silly, trivial abilities like walking. You’re sitting when you’re eating anyway.
Seriously. I know what is really important in life.
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11:31 am on May 20th, 2009
I love the sound of sausage in a burger. But blue cheese makes me feh.
And I routinely walk into things/fall over my own feet/fall out of my shoes etc. And all I’ve got to show for it is nerve damage in my right big toe.
Swap out the cheese and you will love it. Goat or even cheddar would work.
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11:37 am on May 20th, 2009
whole lotta meat
Oh, that reminds me! How many of those nice, fat burgers did you get from this recipe?
I’ll second the goat cheese idea.
I am guessing how much meat I used, but 11….
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11:49 am on May 20th, 2009
In honor of your post I give you mediations on coordination and bruising.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6R0oBl5GMU&feature=response_watch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rt-VkRlCwt0&feature=related
HOLY SHIT…OUCH.
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11:51 am on May 20th, 2009
Yummm! Looks delish. PS: your roasted carrots in honey is a favorite dish at my house
And they are so easy. Glad you like them.
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11:52 am on May 20th, 2009
Those burgers look and sound fantastic – I need to get myself a good grill pan – any recommendations?
Also, I share your clumsiness, without the medical justification. I hope you feel better.
I think you can get a really good deal on a Le Creuset one on Amazon. Everything they do is good.
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11:53 am on May 20th, 2009
Hmmm, it probably won’t taste the same if I substitute the ground beef for Yves ground round and sausage for tofu dogs, will it?
Ugh, I just grossed myself out a bit with that idea.
Gross. No it won’t.
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12:05 pm on May 20th, 2009
Oh, if you only knew my sincerity.
Hmmm, ok.
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12:29 pm on May 20th, 2009
The klutziness, it’s in the genes. That’s what makes us so adorable!
Truth! Thanks, Ma.
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1:40 pm on May 20th, 2009
I view the spillage of a glass of prosecco a step UP from my usual spilling of red wine all over myself and anyone else unfortunate enough to be in the Splash Zone.
Red wine…thats impossible to get out. damn.
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2:25 pm on May 20th, 2009
Liz Lemon… thats pretty good. Im still working on a nickname for you.
since I know how much you love Lexy.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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2:53 pm on May 20th, 2009
i don’t actually buy white clothing, because i am incapable of not spilling something on it / sitting in something / falling down / you name it. my friend @ work and i routinely walk into walls. it’s pretty awesome.
I should do that too, but I just love white shirts so much.
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3:16 pm on May 20th, 2009
mmm blue cheese burger. melt some on top and add bacon. i just ate and i’m hungry again.
You people and your bacon.
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3:31 pm on May 20th, 2009
If I am ever framed for a terrible crime and put on death row, this is the last meal I want. I can die from the sausage and beef.
Jon Hamm is almost unreal. Not fake, but just teetering on the edge. That said, Mad Men and his role on 30 Rock were great!
Wow, that is a bold statement, Tony.
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3:32 pm on May 20th, 2009
people at my work call me “lemon” all the time too, because i’m spazzy dork too.
Welcome, miss. Glad I am in good company.
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4:35 pm on May 20th, 2009
I am such a klutz too I could have been reading a description of myself! My boyfriend used to point it out to me everytime I did a klutzy thing, but now even he has gotten so used to it I don’t think he finds it that fun anymore.
“when I spilled half a glass of Prosecco on myself a few weeks back when we were at lunch and I just kept on talking.”
YES! Sometimes I get excited when I am drinking champagne and talking and I accidentally hit the bottom of the glass (if I am standing and holding it) and send the liquid flying all over me. And last week I was at dinner at a friend’s house and we were sitting on the couch watching a movie and I spilled a decently significant amount of red wine from my glass, straight down my shirt in a well-aimed stream directly into the cleavage I didn’t say a word. the bra was white and has a nice stain on it now, but luckily my shirt was black so no soak-through.
Thank god for those black shirts. I think this is the real reason I wear so much black.
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4:36 pm on May 20th, 2009
Do you mean the burger last meal or the Jon Hamm stuff?
If burger, it is my favorite food. Somehow though I’ve never thought of adding sausage and I’ve made them may different ways.
The last meal statement. Add the sausage and thank me.
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4:41 pm on May 20th, 2009
I can identify with unnamed bruises, sometimes even suggesting abuse!
There’s nothing better than a really good burger and most of them just don’t make the grade. Can’t wait to try this recipe!
I know–I am sometimes nervous people are going to think I am being beaten.
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5:19 pm on May 20th, 2009
Oh darlin’. I’m the SAME way! I always say, “Most people fall down drunk. I just fall down.” And I ALWAYS order the black and blue burger at the Diner here in town.
Smart lady–I bet it is tasty, but probably not as good as mine.
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3:07 pm on May 21st, 2009
what do you mean “you people?!”
THE WORLD.
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11:22 am on May 22nd, 2009
[...] Lemmonex makes black and blue burgers, with beef, sausage, onions, Worcestershire , garlic, balsamic vinegar, and blue cheese. I can’t think of anything better to put on the grill. Now if only we had a grill. Or a backyard. [...]