Y’all, I think the internet is ruining my life.
I just spent a disgusting amount of time typing out a completely self absorbed pile of dribble. I should not be allowed to feel so many feelings. I wonder, why the hell do I think I am entitled to this platform? Someone, please stop me.
Also, the twitter. I fought it for so long, knowing that I am an inherently voyeuristic person. I caved and now I know every time a friend uses the bathroom, has too much to drink, or dines on a particularly tasty burrito. There is no power in this knowledge. Of course, I share just about as much as anyone…I shock even myself with my narcissism But you kinda care what I think about “I Love You, Man”, right? RIGHT?
Facebook haunts me. One of my tormentors from high school now lives in the house I grew up in; I looked at pictures of her/my home the other day from the safety of my desk in DC. Sure, I know we are grown and one could say I have won, that I actually left my small town, but does she really have to be using my bedroom as her nursery? And dear heavens…it keeps on suggesting that I “may know” my own father. Yes, I know him. I have done quite a good job at avoiding him for over 10 years. Facebook, you are upsetting the balance of the Universe.
Finally, it has made men from days gone by almost impossible to escape. Sure, I want to keep in touch with some of them, but most? I would be perfectly happy to see most fade in to the ether. The internet makes this impossible. There they are on your gchat list, yet you cannot block them, because hey, that would be an act of aggression and why would you do that because you are a mature adult and totally over it. Emails, Evites….there they are, EVERYWHERE. It makes it very hard for me to pretend they have gone the way of old Yeller that, in fact, they are quite alive.
Is this what Al Gore was envisioning when he invented the internet? I think he imagined a place of knowledge and ideas, a tool for education. Instead, it has become a dark, endless well of self involvement and torture. Sugar and spice and everything nice? This is not what the internet it made of.
Um, basically this was freaking awesome. Sugar and spice biscuits made with decadent cream? Check. Sweet fruit filling? Uh huh. Rich whipped cream? Yep. Is there anything wrong with this? Nada. Make this. It is not hard, but insanely good.
Sugar and Spice Shortcake with Peaches and Berries
Sugar and Spice Biscuits (adapted from Simply Recipes)
3 cups all purpose flour
3 Tbsp granulated sugar
1 1/2 Tbsp baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
12 Tbsp cold unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Splash Milk/Cream
1 egg
3 Tbsp sugar
Dash nutmeg
A few shakes of cinnamon
Sift the flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt into a large bowl. Toss with a fork to combine. Cut the butter into the flour mixture with a pastry cutter or a fork until the largest pieces of butter are the size of peas. (Or pulse several times in a food processor.) Combine the cream and vanilla in a liquid measure. Make a well in the center of the flour and and pour the cream mixture into the well. Mix with a fork until the dough is evenly moistened and just combined; it should look shaggy and still feel a little dry. Gently knead by hand five or six times to create a loose ball.
Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface and pat it into an 8-inch square, 3/4 to 1 inch thick. Transfer the dough to a baking sheet lined with parchment or silpat, cover with plastic and chill for 20 minutes in the refrigerator. Heat the oven to 425ºF. Remove the dough from refrigerator. Cut the dough into 9 even squares and spread them about 2 inches apart from each other on the baking sheet, or, like me, use a biscuit cutter to make round shortcakes.
Beat together egg and milk/cream. Brush on top of each biscuit. Mix together sugar, nutmeg and cinnamon and sprinkle on top of shortcakes.
Bake until the biscuits are medium golden brown, 18 to 20 minutes.
Peach Berry Filling
1 bag frozen mixed berries
1 bag frozen peaches
2 Tbsp sugar
Thaw out berries and peaches. In large stock pot simmer with sugar for about 30 minutes, until berries start breaking down.
Whipped Cream
2 cups heavy whipping cream
3 Tbsp powdered sugar
Splash vanilla extract
Whip together to desired consistency.
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{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }
Some days, I’m mildly alarmed at how much time I spend on “The Internet.” Perusing Facebook, blogs, Twitter pages, celebrity gossip columns, g-chat, personal e-mail, news sites… It’s sick, really. And yet, just like that absolutely scrumptious-looking sugar-and-spice short cake, sometimes you just can’t get enough…
I learned awhile ago I have little willpower—when it comes to dessert or the freaking worldwide web.
It is kinda sickening, isn’t it?
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I’m definitely going to have to try this one out in the very, very near future.
As for the folks you wish would disappear from your life, I say go ahead and block them. All of that? It’s spam and you don’t have any problem blocking that, so I say go for it. You’ll feel better and the world will continue on its journey through the universe.
It is spam…hmm. Never look at it that way. You may have solved my problems, Kevin.
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Al Gore invented the internet? Hmmmm
I also caved in to twitter, twice, but then i freaked out and deleted my account. I’m on 3 social networks and writing a blog and active on a forum. Internet has taken over my life long long ago.
It amazes me how many “friends” will add you and never talk to you. And i feel guilty if i press ignore or block the request.
Ow, and i read the word ether twice today.
I will say, I will deny friend requests.
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Facebook’s “People You May Know” feature is of the devil. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told I might know…that guy I was MARRIED TO a while back.
I know. Facebook needs to mind it’s own damn business.
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As someone who was recently blocked on gchat…I say go for it. Fuck.
I don’t have my real name on Facebook which makes it easy for me to avoid all of my family in Turkey who is dying to know about my life and feelings and all that crap here so they can report to my mom. HA! I don’t THINK so!
I haven’t run into any exboyfriends on Facebook…and I’m good at avoiding people. I do love Twitter though…I’m so flaky that it’s usually a good way for me to keep track of my friends…as sad as that sounds.
I’m going to continue to stalk you everywhere I can.
Just sayin.
*runs to add you to gchat*
I complain about the stalking, but I do it. Hey, at least I admit it.
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I too have become a Twitter junkie! But this Facebook issue needs to be addressed. I will not friend anyone I have not met. I think there was one or two exceptions to that rule, because of circumstance dictated. Anyways, I am all about the block, delete, or f-ck you feature on these applications.
I would so eat your Pie. Wait, Whaa?
Can I get the fuck you feature?
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The real purpose of the internet was revealed in the Bway musical Avenue Q (which I heartily recommend if you have not seen it – a hilarious cross between Sesame St for adults and a spoof of Sesame St) – the internet exists for PORN!!!
I must admit, I would be sad without my porn. Viva la Pornhub!
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Al Gore had no idea what he was in for when he invented the internets…
and I totally feel you about the facebook thing. Really the best thing about facebook is the fact that you can challenge people to scrabble games.
I do not even do the scrabble thing.
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This is why I refuse to Twitter. Then again, I refused to Facebook, and well…now I am Facebook’s slave.
But I would give it all up in an instant for one of those shortcakes. Without hesitation.
LiLu had one…she even liked them. They are THAT GOOD.
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Sometimes having a very common, unsearchable name is a good thing. I rarely get friend requests from people I don’t want to talk to anymore. Of course, there’s the strong possibility that it’s not my common name keeping people away.
Yeah, there is the rub. My name is pretty damn unique.
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This sounded very ominous. Well, not the recipe. That sounded delicious. But the rest of it… you’re not going to pull and Arjewtino, are you?
Also, I only have about 100 Facebook “friends”. I went through and deleted, like, 600 of them. So liberating.
No no. Worry not.
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You know I don’t do sweets, (ME WANT SALT LICK!!!), but this was freaking amazing. Pour some sugar on me, baby.
Oh, I cannot make a sexual overture to you for the third day in a row. You are begging for it, though.
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If you don’t want to go the block route on Gchat (which seems kind of unnecessarily aggressive in most circumstances), I’m a fan of setting them to “never” so that they can see you if they want but you never have to see them, so it’s like they aren’t even there.
Sorry you’re feeling a tidal wave of emotions lately. Maybe you should unplug yourself from the internet for a couple of days and recharge. I went on a five day vacation in February with only maybe five or ten minutes of internet daily, and it really helped.
Oh, I did not know about “never”. Thanks for the tip. As far as a tidal wave of emotions…it isn’t like it keeps me up at night, but it is just…weird.
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Also, the twitter. I fought it for so long, knowing that I am an inherently voyeuristic person. I caved and now I know every time a friend uses the bathroom, has too much to drink, or dines on a particularly tasty burrito.
It’s the other way around. Generally speaking, eating the burrito comes first, followed (soon) afterwards by using the bathroom. And using the bathroom again .. and again …
Peter
Oh dear me. Not a fan of talking about that.
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That shortcake looks like it could make *anything* better.
And I kind of love the idea of a Facebook “f*ck you” feature. It’s becoming necessary.
Just a big, fat middle finger. Love it.
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Why shouldn’t you block someone on gchat? Why should they have the ability to reach you, or even see what you’re up to via status, when you couldn’t care less what they’re doing on their end? It’s not an act of aggression; it’s an act of closure.
There are different ways to view this…I like to be all high and mighty and pretend I don’t care.
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I was going to say I don’t really “friend” anyone on Facebook unless I have shared at least one drink with them but then I realized we’ve never actually met in person.
And yet we are the best of facebook friends.
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There is someone right now I’d love to block. From the blog, from facebook… But I won’t. That would be like confirming that facebook friendom is actually a legit, real part of life, when it’s just a phonebook with pictures and notes. I’m not gonna start tearing out pages like it matters that much. That feels like drama in and of itself.
Right–you don’t want to validate it. I am with you.
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Twitter has ruled my life lately and it must stop.
I’ve managed to avoid most of my enemies on Facebook. But must they insist that I be friends with ex-co-worker who tried desparately to “turn” our gay boss? She was 2 years behind me in high school and ran with the gangs. Not that whe was an enemy, just that we’re not friends.
Shortcake was my teenage downfall. You are bringing me down, in a good way.
I like to bring people down with me.
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For me, Facebook has become a source of guilt – I feel like I’m not spending enough time on it, even though I check it daily, because I miss out on updates from people if I don’t check it every couple of hours! It’s frustrating, to be sure.
This seems like a potentially perfect dessert for a bridal shower I’m going to help host in the near future. Thanks!
It is really easy to transport as well.
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I do care what you think about Paul Rudd movies! More FB status updates, please!
Ha. I think you may need to follow me on twitter then.
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I just can’t get the hang of twitter. I’ve had it for over a year, and I always forget to update it.
I think I caught on too quickly.
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“Instead, it has become a dark, endless well of self involvement and torture. Sugar and spice and everything nice? This is not what the internet it made of.”
Don’t forget the porn…the sweet, sweet porn.
I will never, ever forget the porn. And welcome!
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Because of the Internet, my grandmother knows what a heathen I am. Guess I shouldn’t have approved her Facebook request.
And I just drooled all over that picture.
Oh, man. That is truly unfortunate. You can limit profiles…
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she seriously is housing a baby in your childhood bedroom?
and yeah, i “may know” such and such from high school, but im not friends with them. for a reason.
Uh, yes she is. it is so freaking weird.
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Voice of experience: go ahead and block them on Gchat. They won’t know the difference aside from not seeing you online. MUCH easier than unfriending.
Oh dear–I hope your experience with this isn’t too bad.
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PS: You totally have to make that shortcake for my housewarming party.
Ha, ok, but I rarely make something twice.
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Nah. But it saved me from having to hear what an ex thought all my faults were over and over, when I FINALLY realised that now wasn’t dating him I didn’t have to respect what he had to say.
Boo-yah.
Dude, you win.
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My current hate on for Facebook is that it not only suggests I “may know” this insufferable cow I went to high school with, it puts her face–her giant, distorted face from her badly done camera-at-arms-length self portrait–in the upper RH corner of my home page.
Yes, facebook, I may know her. More’s the pity.
Yes, I really have no desire to stare at them…at all.
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This post was awesome. That’s all.
Well, thanks!
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Something LIKE it then?
Anything.
Or you can’t come.
….
Just kidding!
Damn. You are harsh.
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i’m into the internet for the porn alone.
Looks like we have consent on this one….
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Only because you know I don’t mean it.
Besides, I still owe you a drink…oh and ya know…an actual “Hey! Nice to meet you”
I know–I swear…I am NOT SCARY.
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the internet and I have a total love/hate relationship. plus, like DMB says, the porn is fucking AWESOME
oh.. and knowing every single thing that goes on in a day w/my friends. i explained twitter to the old folks over the weekend and they laughed.. because obviously they don’t give a crap that someone’s eating broccoli. and when I saw you were getting a migraine, and exclaimed loudly – “Oh no! Poor Lexa”
they kind of giggled then too
not at your pain, but at the fact that I was in Charlotte and just NEEDED TO KNOW THIS
because I totally did. and i sure hope it went away quick.
I had it all day yesterday, truth be told. And yes, of course you needed to know that!
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Oh, grimness and evil. That’s too much too close.
I would have a very, very hard time with exes on gchat and ex-romantic connections on FB. I have only one friend who has been friended by a veryvery serious ex of mine…and I make sure not to ask for updates. I am happy, I hope he is happy, and I don’t want to know. She did say that his current girlfriend is not beautiful, and it made me glad, and then I hate knowing that I feel that way. Worlds should be more separate than that.
I say smother them all with sugar and spice cream.
Yeah, I do like to peer at the new women in exes lives…I mean, obviously no one can replace me, yes? This is what I tell myself.
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I love The Interwebz, even though I let it come between me and real life a little too often.
OK, OK, so I let it run my life. Look, sometimes it has to make the rules so our relationship can survive!
Twitter? Check.
Facebook? Check.
Blogging? DOUBLE Check.
YouTube? Check.
Do what you gotta do, dear. Whatever works.
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I have all the same internet issues as you. What’s weird though is that as obsessive as I can be about twitter and blogging and facebook and etc. it completely shuts off when I get home. I almost never read or write a blog post from home. Which is sort of a problem because it means that I’m doing all of this at work instead of actually working. It’s of a mystery how I still have a job, or that there hasn’t been a serious catastrophe involving any bridges or roadways I’ve worked on.
I am very very happy we are still safe despite the fact you are busy reading my stupid blog.
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I find FB annoying enough as it is to get involved with twitter (redundant, in my opinion).
Al Gore has invented lots of great things, though..the internet, global warming, etc.
I am redundant at heart though….
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As someone who’s recently been blocked on gchat, I say go for it. It’s awesome!
Welcome, AP…and maybe I will…sorry you were blocked, though.
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Thank GD I don’t have Twitter nor do I want it.
Because besides that…I feel you lady. BIG TIME.
Man, I know you do, hun.
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Just come with bed hair to the next happy hour.
Done!
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UGH, parents on facebook… i relunctantly accepted my parents’ friend requests, and i totally regret it. my dad “likes” and my mom comments on EVERY SINGLE ONE of my statuses. obnox.
but i do love me some twitter.
yeah, it is a little too much access.
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I am more evil than you. I don’t only block them, but I erase their name from my contacts on g-chat. Now they can’t even see my dot. Ha! Seriously, right now I have no work to do, so I am at the office just to keep my chair warm. Internet is saving me from complete insanity. Parents on FB are the worst. My mom writes her status as messages directed to me, and asks about everything I write with a “WHAT HAPPENED, ARE YOU DYING?” tone…
I work a compressed schedule, so yeah, the internet is also my salvation on some of these long days.
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I only use the Internet to look at “questionable” pictures.
I mean cats.
Oh, I am in it for the pictures. For sure.
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Just unfriend them and send them an uninvite to gchat. Seriously. Adult means that you don’t allow people who hurt you back into your life.
I think you are right, k8.
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Sometimes I resent how many hours I spend glued to this screen. And so far I haven’t even given in to Facebook or Twitter. But I do like the looks of that recipe. The food here always makes it worth the trip…
I am so glad. Thanks!
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I’m not convinced the internet and its associated tools/platforms bear any real culpability here except for the binary nature in which it can represent things in our lives that are fluid or exist on a sort of sliding scale. People are on your page or not, linked to or not. All-or-nothing type deals. In real life, our friends, neighbors, family, associates, etc. exist in all sorts of different orbits and degrees of intimacy.
Generally speaking, I think most of us could stand to spend less time worrying about keeping up our virtual appearances and more time handling the events and people in our lives that are truly significant and resonant, but maybe that’s just me.
This is a really thoughtful response which captures a lot of things I mull over. I do share a lot, but there are some lines I do not cross and certain elements of my life I am not willing to open up for public consumption. I never mention men I am dating or fights with friends or….xyz. Fine if other people want ot do it, but not for me. I agree–we should focus on people and events in our lives and work on maintaining those bonds.
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I completely feel your pain, Lem. Have maintained my sanity only by severely restricting what I look at on FB – basically just my inbox. Twitter is my drug – trying to limit it by only being able to access it on my laptop rather than also on my phone. Not entirely successful.
Re: the recipe – YUM!!!
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One of your tormentors from high school now lives in the house you grew up in? What the hell is that about??? Craziness, I say.
I have looked at the pictures! It is nuts.
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