I am fully aware I am about to get spanked. Hard. It is a fate I accept.
Ya know how I talked a big game about getting the double pass bypass burger at Vortex while I was in Atlanta? And
I was all pumped up for it, ready to eat this bacon, egg and cheese burger with grilled cheeses as buns? Well, I bitched out. I lost my nerve. And some of you may think it was because the prospect of eating all that fat smooshed in between two grilled cheeses was just too much for me to put my stomach through, that I came to my senses and realized just because you can use grilled cheese as a bun it doesn’t mean you should. Well, no, you are wrong. It was not at all about the overkill of those grilled cheeses, it was in fact about the presence of two eggs on the burger. I will eat damn near a whole pound of meat and cheese but that second egg was just too much and a girl has to stand for something or she will fall for anything.
I decided to go with the totally reasonable Single Coronary burger. It was rare meat topped with bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion and one egg atop a sesame bun. I always worry places like Vortex, which has been featured on many a travel show, are all hype and no substance, but I was not disappointed. The 
meat was well seasoned and cooked perfectly. The lettuce and tomato were fresh and the egg on top of all that bacon and cheese was the perfect touch. I chose the tots as a side at bettyjoan’s urging and of course she was right. They were piping hot, wonderfully crispy and deliciously salty. The food was amazing, the company was great and the slightly bitchy but also kinda of sweet waitress made for an amazing night even if we did have to wait a painfully long time for a table.
It was delicious and everything I could have hoped for ad more. Well, minus the grilled cheese bins and all that. And yes, I’m a pussy. Please don’t hate me too much.
8:35 am on March 23rd, 2009
Just reading what goes into those burgers is enough to give me heart palpitations… and not the lovey-dovey ones, either.
Also, did you know that in Canada it’s illegal to serve ground beef as anything other than well done? True story. I had to break many an American heart when I waitressed.
What?! Well done? I would order chicken. What is the point?
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8:41 am on March 23rd, 2009
Tee hee…I love the before and after shots. After your visit, I may not miss burgers for a while, but I sure miss YOU!!!
I think we hit our burger threshold, no joke. I miss you too, babe.
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9:07 am on March 23rd, 2009
You had me at spanked.
It’s the sign of getting more mature and realizing that just because you heard about it doesn’t mean you need to have it. As a student, I had no problems with all-you-can-eat buffets. Plates of food would be sought and devoured. A few months ago, in Vegas, I had one plate, a salad, and a soup and was done. No mas.
Yes! I have matured! That is it. Of course. Thanks Tony.
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9:10 am on March 23rd, 2009
I’m impressed you even ate a burger with one egg atop it. Eggs and burgers…hmmm…not a combination I’d readily make. But, those tater tots look aaaaaaaamazing.
Glad you’re back on the blog!
I’m glad to be back. I am telling you–eggs on top of anything are pretty damn delightful.
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9:18 am on March 23rd, 2009
“I’ll have the double pass bypass burger, extra mayo, with French fries. And a Diet Coke, please.”
Peter
Right, you are watching calories.
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9:35 am on March 23rd, 2009
I could go for a pile of those tots this morning. They look scrumptious! However I cannot wrap my brain around the concept of egg on a burger.
Trust me. It is good.
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9:39 am on March 23rd, 2009
First Hammer and now you!? I’m so disappointed!
I do, however, still love you. I just need time.
Please forgive me, please. I couldn’t bear it if you didn’t.
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9:40 am on March 23rd, 2009
Welcome back Lem…and don’t worry, it’s not illegal in Canada to get a medium-rare burger, as I just had one the other week. Come and get me, burger cops!
Oh, thank goodness. And thanks.
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9:42 am on March 23rd, 2009
Dude, why is it so hard for people to wrap their heads around eggs + burgers? Haven’t you people ever had steak and eggs?!?! Guess Lem isn’t the ONLY one who had never been to a Waffle House…
Thanks to you, I have now been the the Waffle House as well.
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9:43 am on March 23rd, 2009
i fucking love tots. yummy.
good to see you back here, love.
I am glad to be back.
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9:52 am on March 23rd, 2009
Never been to a Waffle House? What? I don’t believe that.
But as for egg on a burger: yes, please. And I think I’m headed back to Good Stuff now to get one.
Get the marshmallow shake there…
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10:11 am on March 23rd, 2009
You didn’t eat all of your tater tots??? You’re like some kind of devil woman.
You have no idea.
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10:21 am on March 23rd, 2009
I don’t think I’ve ever had egg on my burger either…but hey, I’ll try anything once.
I’ll try anything twice.
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10:22 am on March 23rd, 2009
Consuming a burger of that magnitude should be proceded by a coke binge, raw dogging hookers, armed robbery, exsanguination, bourbon, and sodomizing evangelicals. Its just too over the top.
Welcome back.
You just described my night to a tee. And thanks, DF.
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10:51 am on March 23rd, 2009
You know, I’m not really down with eggs on sandwiches, unless of course it’s just a fried egg sandwich. Or maybe egg salad? I’m not really sure if that counts. The burger sounds pretty good though, and I’m also a huge fan of the salty and wonderful tater-tots.
Tots make me think of hot lunch. Am I the only one?
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10:55 am on March 23rd, 2009
Count me with bettyjoan on the egg + burger thing. Wigs out people around here too, though it is definitely yummy. What is up with that? But there’s also the Sonora-style enchilada at El Cholo (in South Pasadena) that has a fried egg on top, and oh lordy is it good. As are their margaritas. Mmm.
Was going to say something else, but every time get stuck on “about to get spanked” and me mental ways breaks down. Maybe overlooked something in a too-booked weekend. Or need coffee and stuff. I’ll remember later, and might even try again, if I can behave long enough.
Oh come on now. A spanking is mild.
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10:59 am on March 23rd, 2009
[...] head on over to Lem’s place for her first post about her inaugural trip to the ATL. It’s nice to know that my well-documented feelings [...]
11:18 am on March 23rd, 2009
Missed you, love.
PS… after this post, we’re gonna have to get lunch at the Post Pub in the near future.
Yes please. But I am on detox dude. I had so many burgers that weekend.
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11:53 am on March 23rd, 2009
In order for you to take your life to the next level, it was essential that you visit both The Vortex and a Waffle House. With these tasks completed, you are now that much closer to an ultimate state of transpersonal culinary enlightenment. One that will involve your physical self being whisked away for all eternity by a giant comet that looks exactly like a fried egg.
This will of course be a glorious day, but you’ll still be missed. Please make cookies before leaving us all behind.
Of course. What kind of cookies?
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12:22 pm on March 23rd, 2009
Love tots.
Only commies don’t.
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12:25 pm on March 23rd, 2009
Let’s face it. The ‘double-bypass’ is really designed for a man, anyway. We have bigger stomachs, bigger colons, etc., so we’re better equipped to handle it. It’s okay.
So did you visit the Waffle House? If you added in the Varsity, there are good odds you truly would have died of a coronary/fatal bowel syndrome (fbs) and not have been posting on this blog today.
Phil, you have never seen me eat. And yes! I went to the Waffle House. I am totally writing about it this week.
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12:27 pm on March 23rd, 2009
A spanking is mild.
Yeah, well…. ok, true. So are eggs on burgers, really. But since both were conspicuous in their absence during my weekend, sundry cravings ensue, complete with appropriate side dishes. Or inappropriate, whatever.
Plus, knowing Mom reads this, how bizarre would it be to volunteer, even comically, to administer of all of the above (burger for me, spanking for you)? I’d weird myself out.
I think mom just represses this all. MOM, I AM A VIRGIN. Pay no attention to this.
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12:32 pm on March 23rd, 2009
I’m still impressed. I very rarely eat meat and was proud of myself for eating a small hamburger this weekend! Your meal puts mine to shame!
Welcome Miss Musing. I aim to impress the world with how disgusting I am.
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12:47 pm on March 23rd, 2009
You know I am not a burgerer but ohhh, that whole plate looks like deliciousness. And I could kill for some tater tots right about now.
They really are something.
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2:06 pm on March 23rd, 2009
Add some blue cheese for me and I’d snarf it down in an instant. Hrmph. There is NOTHING LIKE THIS HERE.
Blue cheese! Fun times.
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2:07 pm on March 23rd, 2009
Now that you’ve had the coronary, I think you’re ready for the Roethlis-Burger. A sandwich made with Pittsburgh pride. Here’s what you get:
6 ounces hot sausage, chopped finely
6 ounces high-quality ground beef
½ cup chopped onion
1 jumbo egg, scrambled
4 slices American or provolone cheese
1 fresh Italian sub roll
Optional: lettuce, tomatoes, hot pepper, mayonnaise
I’ve also seen them made with six or so slices of bacon because, hey, is it really a sandwich without bacon? I didn’t think so.
I think I would like it better with…chorizo.
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2:29 pm on March 23rd, 2009
MMmmmm those tots look delicious. Glad to have you back.
Thanks baby.
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4:24 pm on March 23rd, 2009
Looks like utter perfection. Of course, I’m starving as I read this. And the tots – I love that they were even an option!
Welcome back. And don’t worry. I could never hate you for not eating 2 eggs on a bacon burger. Xtreme sports are not required by loyal readers.
I love love love onion rings and those also looked really good. It was a tough call.
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5:37 pm on March 23rd, 2009
I love tater tots almost as much as I love cheese.
That is a bold statement.
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1:25 am on March 24th, 2009
tater tots are god’s gift to my mouth. i literally salivated at your photos. mmmmm.
Haha, glad you liked.
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3:29 am on March 24th, 2009
you don’t need all those extras to enjoy a grilled-cheese-as-bun cheeseburger. Use thin sliced bread, american cheese, a good burger patty, slice of tomato, fried onions, and some mayo. that’s some good eating.
oh, did you try the luther burger?
I can only eat one burger a night, my friend. Sorry.
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9:57 am on March 24th, 2009
I’m a total convert to the egg on a burger, but I’m intrigued by this grilled-cheese as bun situation. . . .
So was I, so was I.
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5:49 pm on March 24th, 2009
Egg on a burger is awesome, I don’t know what everyone is freaking out about.
To health-it-up a bit and make it proper for everyday consumption (seriously, I love putting eggs on top of things), I make turkey burgers (just s&p and worcestershire in the meat) served over a bed of sauteed garlicky greens (I used swiss chard last time) with a fried egg on top. And some sourdough toast. OMFG.
Oh, that does sound good. Thanks Cebca.
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