TMI Thursday: One Time Only*

“I have a vagina in crises, sir. Please, you have to squeeze me in”.

The obviously very fabulous man on the phone sounded horrified. I am sure he scrubbed his brain with bleach and danced to some Scissor Sisters in an attempt to rid himself of the image I had painted.

I was on the phone with the salon where my back-up waxer resides. Yes, I have a back-up waxer. I take my vagina very seriously.  The poor man took pity on me and penciled me in to the last slot of the day. I thanked him profusely but he just seemed to want to get me off the phone.

Ms. Back-Up is good, but seeing her effects my psyche. Many of my friends see her, full time, and we were discussing her one day. I said, “She always tells me I look like a porn star when she is done”. The rest of my girlfriends all replied “Oh, she tells me I look like a supermodel”.

Fucking hell. They are Giselle Bunchin, I am Ashlynn Brooke.

So, they are the supermodels. The good girls, or at least as good as you can be when you are going for the full monty. The ones who come to parties prepared and write thank you notes and have perfect skin and shiny hair. What does that make me? Cracked out and damaged and irresponsible? A social pariah?

My vagina is many things. A porn star she is not. I mean she is kinda a piece of work, a little wild, but a porn star? No.  She really resents Ms. Back-Up.

Or…it seems she resented her. Past tense. Not only did she come through for me this week, she gave me an even bigger gift. When I was done, she grabbed her mirror, pressed my hand on my precious and said, “See?! You look like a supermodel.”

I am a supermodel, a good person. I am an upstanding citizen, a responsible individual, a pal everyone wants at their parties.   I will even remember to bring some dip.

You will never, ever make onion dip from a soup packet again.  This is seriously delicious.  The depth of the caramelized onions is amazing and it is creamy without being dense because of the addition of the yogurt.

Caramelized Onion Dip

From 101 CookBooks

2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 large yellow onions (about 1 1/2 pounds), finely chopped
3/4 cup sour cream -I used low-fat
3/4 cup Greek yogurt- I used low fat
3 teaspoons dehydrated onion powder/granulates (salt-free, natural)
very scant 1/2 teaspoon salt

In a large thick-bottomed skillet over medium heat saute the chopped onions in the olive oil along with a couple pinches of salt. Stir occasionally with a wood or metal spatula and cook until the onions are deeply golden, brown, and caramelized – roughly 40 or 50 minutes. Set aside and let cool.

In the meantime, whisk together the sour cream, yogurt, onion powder, and salt. The important thing is to add whatever onion powder you are using to taste. Add a bit at a time until it tastes really good. Set aside until the caramelized onions have cooled to room temperature. Stir in 2/3 of the caramelized onions, scoop into a serving bowl, and top with the remaining onions. I think this dip is best at room temperature.

* I am caving and doing this as a one time only engagement for my darling LiLu. I owe her.  Mom, I am sorry.