One of the best things in this world is when you manage to convince people you are doing them a favor but in actuality this kindness comes from a place of self interest.
“Your legs look so pretty in heels” really means “Those freaking Uggs were searing my corneas and if I had to look at them for one more moment I might have vomitted”.
Or when I say “You should totally go on a date with him; he seems like a great guy!” what I am really getting at is “If I have to entertain your sorry, pathetic ass for another Friday night I may shoot myself.”
And “Let me make us all dinner before we go out” is my special way of saying “You need some food in your system because I sure as hell am not going to be the one to hold your hair back in about 4 hours.”
Really, it is all about me.
Last Friday, before the blogger happy hour, I had Maxie and Deutlich over and I told them I would treat them to some food while we threw back. Now , I did want to feed the girls–this is what a gracious host does and at my core I am a nurture caretaker–but I would being lying if I was trying to lay a good foundation for them. They seemed ready for a good time– a very good time– and I didn’t want any nonsense on my hands.
The happy hour that night was a blast even if Arjewtino picked the worst spot in the place and I spent the sum of the evening freezing in my teeny, tiny dress. (I know some of you might be thinking, “She should have dressed more appropriately” to which I counter “Clearly, we have not met”.) I want to thank all of you for coming out and I am sorry if I was not entirely on top of my game. My brain was frozen. It was a pleasure meeting all of you…really.
This is the dinner I made for the lovely ladies before me and my breasts braved the arctic chill of Marvin. Aren’t you just a little but jealous? Hell, I made it and I think I deserve a slap on the ass for this one. I pasted a recipe below from Emeril that is perfect to work from; it does reflect most of the changes I made. I am going to say it; I think this adapted recipe is better than Emeril’s. I, perhaps, kicked it up a notch? I added basil to the recipe (the original didn’t call for it), messed with the proportions and removed a lot of the liquid. I like a thicker, heartier sauce and I see no need for beef broth in this so I took it out. I didn’t really measure anything–from the carrots, to the wine, down to the garlic–but that is the perfect thing about this recipe…it is pretty fool proof. Before anyone asks…no, there is no way to “lighten this up”. I just don’t think it would be anywhere near as good with ground turkey or soy crumbles or without the bacon. Yes, I said it…I think the bacon makes a big difference here; it adds a depth of flavor and a smokiness that is essential. Just eat a salad the next day, hop on the treadmill, and do your best to embrace the temporary jiggle this will add to your wiggle. It is worth it. This was kick ass good and I can not encourage you more to try this for yourself; you, your guests and God him/herself will be so happy.
So, yes, we were full, happy and no one puked. It was a win for everyone.
Classic Bolognese
Adapted from Emeril Lagasse
1 tablespoon olive oil
4 ounces bacon or pancetta, diced (I just used four strips)
1 1/2 cups chopped yellow onions
3/4 cup diced carrots
3/4 cup diced celery
1 tablespoon minced garlic (a couple cloves)
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 bay leaf
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
1/4 teaspoon dried basil
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1.5 pounds ground beef
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 cup red wine
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can crushed tomatoes and their juice
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can tomato sauce
2 teaspoons sugar
1/4 cup heavy cream ( I used fat free half and half)
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 cup freshly grated Parmesan
Pasta…I like fettucine…
Directions
In a large pot, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the bacon and cook, stirring, until browned and the fat is rendered, 4 to 5 minutes. Add the onions, carrots and celery and cook, stirring, until soft, 4 to 5 minutes. Add the garlic, salt, pepper, bay leaves, thyme, oregano, basil, cinnamon, and nutmeg and cook, stirring, for 30 seconds. Add the beef and cook, stirring, until no longer pink, about 5 minutes. Add the tomato paste and cook, stirring, for 1 to 2 minutes. Add the wine and cook, stirring, to deglaze the pan and remove any browned bits sticking to the bottom of the pan, and until half of the liquid is evaporated, about 2 minutes.
Add the tomatoes and their juices, the tomato sauce, and sugar and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium-low and simmer, stirring occasionally, to keep the sauce from sticking to the bottom of the pan, until the sauce is thickened and flavorful, about 1 1/2 hours. Add the cream and butter stir well, and simmer for 2 minutes. Discard the bay leaves and adjust the seasoning, to taste. Remove from the heat and cover to keep warm until ready to serve.
Meanwhile, bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add the pasta and return the water to a low boil. Cook, stirring occasionally to prevent the noodles from sticking, until al dente, 8 to 10 minutes. Drain in a colander.
Add the pasta to the sauce, tossing to coat. Add 1/2 cup of the cheese and toss to blend. Divide among pasta bowls and serve with the cheese passed tableside.
8:56 am on February 27th, 2009
The Italian girl in me is giving you a standing ovation.
I thought I heard clapping–thanks.
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9:16 am on February 27th, 2009
You shouldn’t have trusted Arjewtino to pick the spot.
He is not to be trusted.
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9:26 am on February 27th, 2009
Mmm, I alwyas break out the bolognese when I need to impress. Plus, it’s perfect to cook for guests when you still need to shower and get pretty- it just keeps cooking and getting better.
Exactly. I started making this at 2 in the afternoon and kicked around and got ready while it bubbled.
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9:33 am on February 27th, 2009
Starches before cocktails should be a fundamental social principle.
I am trying to spread the word.
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9:38 am on February 27th, 2009
*SLAP*
Well, someone had to do it.
Do it again, baby.
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9:53 am on February 27th, 2009
Cold patios are the result of smokers making decisions. We’re used to it, non-smokers are not.
I had no problem with the choice in location
I am still frozen.
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10:09 am on February 27th, 2009
OMG, that looks delicious — I think I just drooled on my keyboard.
And bacon makes everything better.
Hope you have a napkin to clean that up.
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10:09 am on February 27th, 2009
You didn’t wear the leopard-print top? I talked you out of the kangaroo dress for nothing? That’s it, you owe me pasta!
You won the drawing yesterday Missy…so that is enough.
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10:17 am on February 27th, 2009
It was Arjewtino’s fault! I was wondering who picked that spot. Agreed, you need a good foundation and this looks wicked good. My crew feasted on Buffalo Burgers and sweet potato chips. We were on our game.
You have an experienced crew.
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10:42 am on February 27th, 2009
Life is too short to always opt for the “lite” version.
Could not agree more.
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10:57 am on February 27th, 2009
I never used to eat before drinking. Then I could get drunk faster. But I’m an alcoholic. With plans to pass out as soon as possible and blank out reality. Oh, and then you didn’t have to throw up chunks – just pure beer. Didn’t hurt as much.
This looks awesome. And I’m a total fan of fat free half and half.
If there’s some ass slapping going on, can I join in? It’s been awhile.
I will slap your ass any day, k8.
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11:07 am on February 27th, 2009
I think dressing for the weather is lame. Rock your tiny dresses, someone has to. I like to show off the legs whenever possible. They are the one part of my body that I am still proud of. Yeah, Minnesota is cold, but the fever from showing off the stems? Priceless.
Um now I want pasta. Thanx.
Oh it is totally worth it. Better to look good than feel good, I say.
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11:11 am on February 27th, 2009
That’s some good-lookin’ food right there…and I approve of your plan to get some sustenance in your friends before a night of drinking.
Why thanks…and glad you approve.
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11:17 am on February 27th, 2009
Where is the cocaine dusting on this dish?
I figure people can figure out their own measurements there….
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11:22 am on February 27th, 2009
You are a smarty pants, both for yourself and sneakily for others. I spent all of my teens and twenties laying no foundation (because all my calories were going to alcohol later in the evening – duh) and paying for it by puking way too often. Als, I love that patio in the SUMMER. What is wrong with men?
Men…yeah Lisa….many things are wrong there. I don’t have all day.
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11:32 am on February 27th, 2009
Bacon baby, bacon. That is all.
Had to rub it in, didn’t ya?
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11:42 am on February 27th, 2009
The most important part of any pre-game is the food. But I don’t remember what I ate before heading to Marvin. I do remember being convinced I had lost a toe to frostbite, though.
Do you really NEED toes, though?
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11:50 am on February 27th, 2009
uhm.
that food was AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING. seriously? perfectly heavy and light and digestible.. meaning I didn’t yack it back up later when I’d had 3 too many vodka drinks….
Aw, thanks baby. You are too kind.
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12:14 pm on February 27th, 2009
You’re going to be a great mother one day. Oh stop, you know you’re going to have kids.
This is the post that tells you I will be a good mom?
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12:16 pm on February 27th, 2009
You give your friends compliments?
Thats a lot of wasted effort my friend when they’re just going to mess it up anyway.
Mr. postive, checking in.
Such an upbeat attitude you have….
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12:44 pm on February 27th, 2009
thank god no one puked. cause i don’t what to know what that would look like on the way back up.
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2:26 pm on February 27th, 2009
Yes, which says a lot about myself as a future parent.
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2:33 pm on February 27th, 2009
That bolognese sounds like excellent puke prevention! And you were so cute in your video yesterday! Yea Lemmonex!
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3:06 pm on February 27th, 2009
As a non-smoker, I was fine with the location. A few pre-blogger happy hour drinks at another happy hour help.
The bolognese looks like a good Sunday dinner plan for me.
And you can wear a teeny, tiny dress anytime. It does not work for me, but it seemed to work for you.
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3:15 pm on February 27th, 2009
No one puked… till saturday!
But that was seriously delicious. you can cook for me anytime!
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4:20 pm on February 27th, 2009
that bolognese looks amazing!!
sometimes i forget to eat before going out. or if me and my friend go out for dinner and have a glass of wine first, we don;t eat anymore. hmmm.
and i always puke the morning after.
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9:55 am on February 28th, 2009
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