“He is different when we are together.”
“Why is he ignoring me?”
“I know he is a good guy…he just gets like this when he is drunk.”
You spend enough time in bars and you are bound to hear the same variations of these tear soaked conversations between girlfriends in the bathroom. It is always the same; loyal friends rally around the sobbing girl, reassuring her how incredibly wonderful she is and how the guy is a loser and is suffering from Peter Pan syndrome and he will die alone and she is so beautiful and can do so much better.
It is always the same. The innocent bystanders to these emotional trainwrecks nod at the poor girl, trying not to embarrass her. It’s somewhat humiliating to behave in such a manner, but we have all been there. We have been the drunk girl trying to convince ourselves he is different…but knowing in our hearts he isn’t. We know the script like the back of our hands and can predict the outcome as a result.
This weekend a good friend referred to my “graveyard of men”. I wouldn’t call it a graveyard, but it is definitely a deep tomb. I have a really low tolerance for bullshit and if someone pisses me off on to the heap they go. I have plenty of amazing people in my life; I don’t need annoying boys harshing my mellow. It just isn’t my style to actively seek out a boyfriend. This is a fairly cynical take on life, but most people truly aren’t worth your time. So, while there have always been guys around, not many have stayed around very long. The thing is, I have to take some responsibility for these subpar mini-relationships– I was addicted to the drama for a very long time. When you date emotionally distant and sadistic men, you get your fair share of the drama. It is easier to have a tear in your beer than take a leap and let go of all the bullshit. Happiness can seem really intimidating when you haven’t experienced it. The formula for happiness in a relationship, as I see it, is pretty simple: truth, trust and respect. Sometimes it just doesn’t feel so easy, but it may be time to welcome some simplicity.
This dish is simple, simple, simple, but really good. The parsley is there for flavor, not garnish, and the taste is fresh and clean. The lemon zest adds an additional brightness.
Italian Green Beans
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 shallot, sliced
1 pound green beans
1/2 cup flat leaf (Italian) parlsey, chopped
zest of half a lemon
Salt and pepper
Heat oil in large saute pan over medium heat. Add shallot and cook until crispy, about 8 minutes. While shallots are cooking, boil a large pot of salted water for green beans. Add beans to pan and cook for about 4 minutes–you want them to remain tender. Drain beans and add to pan with shallots. Add parlsey, zest, salt and pepper to beans. Serve immediately.
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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
“The formula for happiness in a relationship, as I see it, is pretty simple: truth, trust and respect.”
Right on.
Hard to find though, yes?
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“It is easier to have a tear in your beer than take a leap and let go of all the bullshit.”
True. And scary. But worth it.
This is what I hear…
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I could have easily written something incredibly similar to this. I’ve been addicted to the drama and now that I’m not, I’m really fucking quick to cut dumb shit out of my life.. which may or may not be fair to me and those involved. I don’t actively seek out relationships and I don’t have a high tolerance for stupidity. AT all.
You just don’t need to feel bad about yourself. You are too great.
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ps: i’m sorry I yelled so loud when I first saw you on Sunday. Alcohol + Deutlich = Louder than Loud.
Ha…man, I thought it was because I was special or something.
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I see these girls and think, “man she is tolerant!” I am known as the relationship hurricane, laying waste to all girls that dare bring drama to my hood. But, I do like them kind of crazy!
Men like drama just as much as women though they will never admit it…it strokes their egos.
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That is exactly why I have been single for as long as I’ve been.
Green beans are hit and miss with me. I hate the string that is on the side of it. If I bite into one that has it, I’m pretty much done with the dish.
Yeah, but when they are good, they are good.
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Those look good, but if want non-fancy green beans, southern style, go buy some Allen’s Italian cut green beans, throw them in a pot of water, boil, at a lot of salt and throw in a couple of strips of bacon while you boil.
Don’t buy the “southern style” as labeled on the can – that is BS as they are not “southern style”.
Oh, bacon….here you are again.
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I do like my “ego” stroked…By the way question #5 was harder to answer than I thought it would be.
That is why I asked it.
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Interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing. And can I just say that I LOVE green beans combined with lemon? LOVE IT.
It is a perfect little combo.
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“Happiness can seem really intimidating when you haven’t experienced it.”
Totally. And that makes it even harder to let in. There is always comfort in the familiar because the devil you know is better than the one you don’t. Just keep the faith, sister, and stay true to number 1.
There is faith somewhere in here.
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It was only when I really let go and threw myself in completely with reckless abandon that I found it. Well, maybe more that it hit me upside the head, and I decided that this time, I was going to go for it 100%.
We’ve said it before, lady… ot Nine is OUR YEAR. I luffs you.
I think it will be my year regardless of any boys…thanks, hun.
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harshing my mellow
Were you high when you wrote this?
I don’t smoke pot.
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I like what you’re saying about not knowing happiness until you’ve experienced it. Every day I am weighed down by daily stresses, but I have to keep positive in all of the happinesses in my life.
If only the bad men we have known were like green beans. Snap off the bad parts and cook ‘em into something great. Or can them and ship them off to Guatemala. Whatevs, I’m not particular.
I hate crying while drinking… it’s like pooping while eating.
Oh, snapping parts off men…I like where your head is at.
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Although I have an Italian first name (Anthony/Tony), my Chinese heritage compels me to like Szechaun string beans better than Italian ones. Though these are mighty tasty too.
Your story makes me wonder why women tolerate crap from men. That’s what allows some members of my gender (not me) take advantage of that.
Oh man…there are a million reasons. It hurts my head to start listing them.
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All I want to say is, ladies….its your fault. *sheepish grin*
Not all the time, darling, but it is some of it.
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Good for you to be open and honest with yourself. I think a lot of women get caught up in the drama — and of course, there’s the fear that they’ll never find another guy. I’d like to think I lean more toward the no-bullshit side of things, but I’ve *definitely* been guilty of getting attached to the wrong men for far too long. But you’re right… we’ve all done it.
BTW, it was so good to meet you this weekend! Sorry again for barging in on yours and LiLu’s conversation.
Hey FF–welcome. And believe me, you were not barging in. We are rarely talking about anything important.
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Trust, truth and respect. I told my ex-boyfriend that at the beginning of our relationship. And he thought i was joking at the time i think… I told him one of those broken means end of the relationship. Needless to say i’m happy now in a 7 year relationship where he goes by the same rule.
Love your blog btw….
Welcome akemisa…thanks so much. I think those are pretty simple rules to follow.
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Not all the time, darling, but it is some of it.
Oh no? Women choose, men are chosen – that’s a natural law. Women with the guts to walk away from an ass hat once he’s shown his true colors should be given credit but are rare. Most women just don’t want to hear that their bear most of the responsibility.
Ugh, I agree to a certain extent, but men are just as weak as women. I know plenty of men in shitty relationships who won’t leave…though I guess as long as they are fed and their dicks are wet, doesn’t matter so much.
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“though I guess as long as they are fed and their dicks are wet. doesn’t matter so much.”
WOW!!!! I feel the fires of hell burning over here…Ouch.
Just truth…
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Men and women dating? I must try this.
Welcome! Yes, who knew? I have heard it happens.
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I’m all about the smack down on the drama. My motto this past year wass “Do the uncomfortable. Do the unfamiliar.” Which included not talking to the asshats or leading them on in any manner.
I still don’t have “him.” If there ever will be a “him.” But I sure am much more happy.
Feed ‘em and get ‘em wet, huh? I likes ya alot.
I am sure you are too.
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there’s nothing wrong with being picky. i might not know what i want, but i know what i can’t stand. by the way, did you hear about the facebook application that gives you a free whopper for dumping ten friends? i don’t really care for a whopper that would go straight to my ass, but dumping unnecessary friends/exes is a step in the right direction…right?
I did hear that…Eick did a lot of coverage on it at So Good.. I am all for cutting the dead weight.
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“Happiness can seem really intimidating when you haven’t experienced it.”
Yup.
You deserve all the happiness in the world.
And? Yum.
Thanks and thanks. You are swell.
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Ugh, I agree to a certain extent, but men are just as weak as women. I know plenty of men in shitty relationships who won’t leave…though I guess as long as they are fed and their dicks are wet, doesn’t matter so much.
This is a great point. I’ll give you that. Respect.
Sometimes I think stuff through.
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I wish the guy’s bathroom was this exciting. It sounds like an episode of Grey’s Anatomy every time you walk into the girl’s bathroom.
Ok maybe not Grey’s Anatomy.
And maybe that doesn’t sound so great while I’m taking a #1.
Hey, Narm, welcome. It is some high dramz in the ladies room.
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I like the “graveyard” reference. I’ve been accused of getting bored and ending things before they even have a chance. (It might not be *entirely* unfounded.) But 99% of the time I figure I know what I want and, therefore, what I don’t.
It’s kind of nice to know I’m not totally alone in this.
You should never feel bored. I just think people like us risk confusing toxic drama for excitement.
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I’m in complete lust with this green bean recipe! Love the simplicity. Too bad love isn’t that way. It may only require three ingredients, as you suggest – trust, truth and respect – but somehow it is still far too easy to screw up the recipe.
Three things but you can always burn it…
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You are such a smarty pants – so much more than I was at your age and for much longer. You really, really are.
Sometimes I don’t feel like it…thanks, Lisa.
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I kinda want to hug you for the first part of this post.
I think it’s really difficult for most people (most single women?) to allow themselves the happiness they deserve. To wait for it. To move from the “ex one to the next one” (as my friend Steve says) if they’re not getting what they deserve. I think it’s much harder to be single than live in the awfulness of a bad relationship. Harder but better.
Spot on with this post. And the beans!
I have to say though… I completely disagree about Founding Farmers – but hey! different tastes makes the world go round! Right?
We can agree to disagree on FF, but I really appreciate your kind words Mandy. Thanks.
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Oh man, I was this “why doesn’t he looooove me?” girl just six short weeks ago. Now it’s all official and shit with someone I was casually dating at the time. Someone who I can talk smack to his face, fall asleep during my favourite movie and make out with him right after eating pickles.
Bliss.
Sorry to gush, but seriously I am NEVER this girl!
Lady, it happens. Good on you for finding someone…I am sure your pickle breath is lovely.
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I’m liking the sound of simplicity, that’s for sure.
Sounds kinda nice, huh?
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