The other night I found myself partaking in one of my guilty pleasures: watching Jon and Kate Plus 8 More Reasons to Love my Nuva Ring.
Oh, those people. She is a harpy shrill who humiliates her defeated, henpecked husband and has instilled a deathly fear of germs and fun in her kids. And him? Well, don’t feel bad for him for a second. I am sure she did not become an overbearing shrew once she popped out a gaggle of kids. He had to see the flat out crazy in her eyes and he walked down that aisle anyway. Own your choice, dude. This is a hell of your own making. The body language in that show is amazing; they rarely show any physical affection and you could drive a mac truck through the space between them on the couch during their interviews. She is always hitting him and he never reaches out to comfort her when she cries. It is a marital train wreck.
There are many things about this show that make me want to cauterize my uterus but I cannot seem to turn away. Some of the kids are pretty freaking cute (Alexis is my favorite, straight up) and I never met a human spectacle I didn’t love. And let me tell you, those people with their strict organic diet, screaming kids, multiple vans, and a domicile full of cameras, are the epitome of human spectacle.
I know, as a “foodie” (whatever that means) I am supposed to be all for organic food and I should applaud Kate. I am conceptually all for buying organically, but I often fail at actually purchasing it. I can appreciate that Kate is trying to instill healthy, well balanced eating habits in her kids, but the woman takes it over the top. I watched an episode recently where Jon took the kids to a ballgame. She asked on his return if the hot dogs were organic. Hot dogs. At a baseball game. ORGANIC? Woman, get a grip and let your kids have a somewhat normal childhood. You cannot control everything that goes in their body and some peanuts and Cracker Jacks is not going to kill them. (Also, I cannot help but see the irony in her desire for natural things in the home when all those kids came to be in the least natural way possible. I am not against fertility drugs, I am against Kate.)
My spotty purchasing of organics isn’t my only culinary shortcoming…I sometimes buy out of season. Tar and feather me if you must, but sometimes a girl wants a tomato. I would never go as far to make a caprese salad with it, but my taste buds don’t know what’s in season. Luckily, these tomatoes work–and garner amazing results–even if they aren’t in season. I bet if they were in season they would be ridiculously, over the top good…but hot damn, these are still awesome. The slow roasting really intensifies the flavor and they were perfect atop some pasta I made this weekend. This is so insanely simple (you put them in the oven and forget about them) but I truly cannot stress enough how incredibly flavorful these are. These tomatoes were organic, so I am sure that helped. Kate, god damn you woman, you may be right.
These will always be way more natural than 8 damn kids and that is something I can get behind.
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PS–Don’t forget to check out So Good this week…I ate something particularly foul this week.
Slow Roasted Tomatoes
from Smitten Kitchen (note: this is a basic recipe, but SK reminded me I wanted to make these, so credit where credit’s due)
Cherry, grape or small Roma tomatoes
Whole gloves of garlic, unpeeled
Olive oil
Herbs such as thyme or rosemary — I used dry basil(optional)
Preheat oven to 225°F. Halve each cherry or grape tomato crosswise, or Roma tomato lengthwise and arrange on a parchment-lined baking sheet along with the cloves of garlic. Drizzle with olive oil, just enough to make the tomatoes glisten. Sprinkle herbs on, if you are using them, and salt and pepper, though go easily on these because the finished product will be so flavorful you’ll need very little to help it along.
Bake the tomatoes in the oven for about three hours. You want the tomatoes to be shriveled and dry, but with a little juice left inside-this could take more or less time depending on the size of your tomatoes.
Either use them right away or let them cool, cover them with some extra olive oil and keep them in the fridge for the best summer condiment, ever. And for snacking.
9:56 am on January 14th, 2009
for me aaden takes the cake. there is something about small tiny glasses that is so cute.
Those glasses are the cuteness on him. I just like how Alexis is like “Fuck this, you people are insane. I am sleeping in the basement”.
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9:58 am on January 14th, 2009
I started reading this, thought “What an awesome title for a TV show!” (says the girl without cable). Clicked on the link….and oh, you were kidding. I like your title better. Thanks for starting my day with a laugh.
Can you imagine if that was the actual title? So wrong.
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10:02 am on January 14th, 2009
So I tried your recipe and preliminary description. Put the tomatoes in the oven and forgot about them. Now I can’t remember why the oven is on. Plus I’m hungry. But at least my hunger is organic.
Just don’t burn down your house. That would make me sad.
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10:15 am on January 14th, 2009
I love oven roasted tomatoes and the human melodrama, ah, I mean, who can’t lap that up?
Speaking of lapping things up, I love using oven roasted tomatoes in a cream soup. The are few things in life better than that soup paired with a perfect grilled cheese sandwich while watching movies on the couch on a cold winter day.
Oh, that does indeed sound lovely. Wish I wasn’t at work.
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10:19 am on January 14th, 2009
I think we were watching the same episodes. The one I’m waiting for is the one when Jon goes to the 7-11 for a pack of smokes and never comes back.
My brother, who is the dad to twins, commented last summer it is his decided opinion the show should be called “Jon and Kate plus eight-and-a-half to 25 for child abuse.”
I cannot imagine how hard it is, but they always seem to be yelling at those kids. It is irksome.
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10:28 am on January 14th, 2009
“Organic hotdogs at a baseball game”…. that phrase is wrong like a straight man in P-town.
I think a straight man in P-town is more likely than a free range hotdog at Fenway.
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10:29 am on January 14th, 2009
I only recently accepted the tomato as recreationally edible, after for so long considering it only an acceptible sandwich topping. This looks good to me.
Try it–it is a good gateway tomato recipe.
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10:37 am on January 14th, 2009
1 or 2 is enough! Jon & Kate didn’t have to take “Eight is Enough” quite so seriously.
I mean who doesn’t love Willie Ames…but really, I agree.
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10:47 am on January 14th, 2009
Confession: I made a caprese salad for Christmas Eve. I know it’s not in season, but it was red and green! It worked! And confession part 2: I made another one for a New Year’s party…
It is ok…I don’t judge you.
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10:51 am on January 14th, 2009
Yea, if I had a psychotic wife and like 8 kids, I would be on the Jack Daniel’s express train to Valium land.
Throw in Buffalo mozzarella in this dish and you would have a marriage proposal on your hands. My Favorite!
You boys are all teases with the proposals. MY PHONE IS NOT RINGING.
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10:51 am on January 14th, 2009
this is so funny! i actually watched a few episodes when i was back in the states for the holidays and i couldn’t look away. i also find it a bit odd how she is all about organics but the rest of her life is…not so organic. the marriage tension is painful to watch – eek!
Hey Leslie…welcome. The tension kills me–it is all my worst fears packed in to one show.
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10:58 am on January 14th, 2009
Oh lordy, you are SO right on with this post. I love how she is allll about the natural and organic: But she didn’t get her babies OR her post-partum body from anything natural.
She’s so MEAN to him. On one recent episode, she told the kids “don’t listen to Daddy”. Really? REALLY? Way to be a team, you over dramatic bee-eye.
But my most favorite recent appalling moment came when they had to get a new stove, and were having a hard time getting it to fit in the allotted space: They finally got it in, and in her histrionic state, she says to the repairman “Oh! You scared me! I think you did it on purpose!”. Yes, because the world revolves around you. And your emotions toward your stove. I’m sure he did it on purpose.
My theory is that Maddie is exactly like Kate was as a kid. They are basically the same person.
Mady is terrible–she is Kate Junior. Nightmare and a half, let me tell you.
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11:04 am on January 14th, 2009
Good lord, is that a picture of a tongue? I will eat anything ever made with a tomato, but not tomato by itself. I will not do it Sam I am.
Really? I think it looks tasty. Different Strokes and all that.
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11:21 am on January 14th, 2009
There was a blog by her sister in law a while back where she dished all the dirt on Kate. And, yeah, she’s a b1tch. They live off those kids, basically. They moved to north carolina in a house that was paid for by TLC because north carolina has some of the least restrictive child labor laws in the country so they are allowed to film them more. And they get lots of free stuff (like trips to amusement parks, plastic surgery etc.) in exchange for mentioning them on the show. They make a LOT of money off that show, so don’t feel sorry for Jon. He’s crying all the way to the bank.
He was able to afford hairplugs. God, those poor kids.
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11:28 am on January 14th, 2009
I do, in fact, like your title much better. I think the only part of an episode I ever caught was when Jon and Kate were going on a romantic date…to get their teeth whitened.
I guess priorities change when you have a small army at home.
Well, white teeth are pretty sexy, I just don’t know if I would consider it a hot date.
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11:33 am on January 14th, 2009
She asked on his return if the hot dogs were organic. Hot dogs. At a baseball game. ORGANIC?
“Oh yes. All of the hog scrotums and cow rectums in our hot dogs are from organically raised free-range animals.”
Peter
Exactly, Peter, exactly.
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11:38 am on January 14th, 2009
there’s a bunch of reasons people aren’t born with tails. one is that they aren’t supposed to walk around with their tail between their legs. it’s just so much less fitting on a grown damn man than on a dog. he should pack the kids some Lunchables for school, insist on some non-organic food for dinner — maybe a trip to Sonic? — and stop letting her punch him on TV.
though i’ve never seen the show. so maybe he deserves it?
But he married her! He knew what he was getting in to when they pumped her full of hormones! yes, he should totally assert himself, but it does not seem his way.
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11:46 am on January 14th, 2009
I do feel sorry for the dude… I bet you he’s kicking himself wondering why he didn’t use Plan B
True story, friend.
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11:55 am on January 14th, 2009
My aunt is fond of declaring that if she was in John’s shoes “they’d have to change the name of the show to ‘Kate plus eight.’”
That man needs to run.
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11:58 am on January 14th, 2009
I just remembered why I try to wait until AFTER lunch to visit your site. Reading about those tomatoes instantly made me hungry!
As far as that show, I haven’t seen it, but it sounds like a train wreck…Which means I must tune in a couple of times out of sheer curiosity!
Oh, Leon…you MUST watch it. I would love to hear your take on it.
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12:03 pm on January 14th, 2009
I’ve never been so grateful for the fact that I don’t watch TV. I can feel my ovaries running for cover, and jamming themselves somewhere near my windpipe. (Hey, ovaries! Stop it! That tickles!)
And here I was thinking only your feet were ticklish.
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12:03 pm on January 14th, 2009
You know what I love? Stuffed tomatoes (with rice and such) baked in the oven. Sooooo so so so good.
Those are great, I agree. With some feta? Yum.
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12:19 pm on January 14th, 2009
Ari loves that show and it makes me insane. I mean, if I wanted to hear kids screaming, I’d start making them, you know? Also, those kids are going to be so fucked in the head when they get older – I say the over/under for them turning to drugs is at 6. And I’ll take the over.
Can they score drugs with the cameras following them?
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12:24 pm on January 14th, 2009
Oh, fine, Lem. Go ahead and tell your readers all about our secret tickle-fights. Be that way.
No one is reading–don’t worry.
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12:25 pm on January 14th, 2009
We almost skipped tomatoes last time we were at the grocery store JUST because they were out of season and looked horrendous.
I have answered your prayers.
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12:41 pm on January 14th, 2009
Those tomatoes look incredible. And I don’t even LIKE tomatoes. I might want to like them if I make this. Thank you! Do you just eat them plain? Or put them on a salad or sandwich or what? I’m SO not a foodie, but these look yummy.
And I can’t watch that show. It makes me cringe. I can’t take that kind of yelling and hitting.
I popped them on top of some pasta with pesto but they would be good on a sandwich as well.
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12:47 pm on January 14th, 2009
Eating things “out of season” is more a threat to the environment than to your culinary purity. Southern Hemisphere tomatoes have a sasquatchian carbon foot print, but the good ones taste pretty damn good; and the same thing can be said for just about every seasonable vegetable that we still find on our grocery shelves.
…and that show is a PSA for population control.
The environment isn’t my issue.
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12:53 pm on January 14th, 2009
They’re growing too fast–I miss their speech impediment stage when it was “Yee-ah” and “Ayexis.” And Kate may err towards the “psycho hose beast” end of the spectrum, but damn if those kids aren’t always happy, clean, well dressed, and relatively well behaved for a gaggle of 4 year olds.
(Also, I made the grape-tomato version of this recipe last week, tossed it with some pasta, topped it with slices of buffalo mozz, and broiled it for a sort of “rustic” baked ziti that was damn tasty.)
I would agree they are relatively well behaved, but GOD DAMN, I think if she dialed it down a notch they would still be pretty good kids.
Also, that sounds amazing.
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12:56 pm on January 14th, 2009
Personally I think organic stuff is just a crock gimmick to make things higher priced. I’m all about growing your own produce when you can. Ever consider gardening? You’d be surprised how the most expensive things in the store are the easiest to grow at home.
As I live in the city gardening isn’t really an option.
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1:14 pm on January 14th, 2009
I have never seen this show but do any of her kids have autism? I have heard eating organic helps with that. Otherwise I was totally lost reading today… What is John and Kate Plus 8 and what is P-town? I need to reconnect with pop culture, apparently!
None of them are autistic.
Jon and Kate Plus 8 is a TLC show where they document the zoo that these people have created with their 8 kids. P-town is Provincetown…a gay mecca on cape Cod.
I am here to educate.
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1:33 pm on January 14th, 2009
The part I don’t get is that with 8 children eating organic is probably RIDICULOUSLY expensive (yes I know that they get a lot of shit for free). And yes, the marriage tension is really painful to watch.
I know–I shudder to think of their food bills.
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1:54 pm on January 14th, 2009
I’m glad it’s not just me who harbors a not-so-secret hatred for Kate. I have to bully my friends into watching it with me, so they aren’t really keen on me complaining about her through a J&KP8 marathon.
Seriously, did she not realize that having 8 kids was going to be work/stressful/sometimes not fun/work?
I expect my children to raise themselves. I don’t want to do, like, work.
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1:59 pm on January 14th, 2009
One day your phone will ring and the voice will say, “Lemmy this is JP, will you take my stand mixer to have and to use in all of your glorious recipes, for as long as we both shall live?” Then we will see who the tease is.
Or a “random” run in at L’Enfant Plaza where we have a crazy make out session like those people at 1am waiting for the Orange line.
Either way is cool with me, lol! Too much I know…
You had me at crazy make out session.
And then I will freak out bc I will wonder how in the hell you got my name and number.
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2:03 pm on January 14th, 2009
Is that a rogue piece of garlic plotting its escape in the photo?
Those renegade pieces of garlic are tricky ones.
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2:12 pm on January 14th, 2009
It must take an enormous amount of insecurity to dedicate an entire post to the judgment of a TV family you’ve never met. Are you actually trying to say that if my girlfriend and I have trouble conceiving and we use IV, we can only feed them hohos and pizza, lest we be judged by you, of all people? You seem to mistake being rude and obnoxious with being witty and clever.
And any self-proclaimed “foodie” would never used dried basil, of all things, on any thing they ever planned to ingest.
Ansel, you are such a doink. For real. Why do you keep coming back and bothering me if you find me so abhorrent? I have said several times I am conflicted about the word foodie…Also, if you read I said “I am not against fertility drugs, I am against Kate.” If you are going to criticize me, please at least take the time to be a good little troll and have some validity to your slams.
Go suck a dick…how is that for rude and obnoxious?
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2:16 pm on January 14th, 2009
I would ask politely after buying you like 10 shots of Beam…Okay I have to get back to work.
P.S. Your name will always remain sacred.
HA!
You don’t know my name!
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2:18 pm on January 14th, 2009
Ooh, this looks delicious. Also, I’m glad that someone else finds that show as ludicrous as I do. I may have to e-mail the link to this post to about a third of my GMail contacts.
“Also, I cannot help but see the irony in her desire for natural things in the home when all those kids came to be in the least natural way possible. I am not against fertility drugs, I am against Kate.”
Poetry.
I just hate her attitude more than anything.
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2:33 pm on January 14th, 2009
I know Lem’s real name. It’s Lesbian Footsore Herniapicnic.
The secret is out.
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2:34 pm on January 14th, 2009
“Go suck a dick…how is that for rude and obnoxious?”
Well said! Follow it up with an elbow drop to complete the package.
Seriously…Jesus…I let trolls slide around here but this dude has been obnoxious for ages. I never claimed to be a culinary super woman. Might I remind everyone of the fact that I posted a recipe for pigz in blanketz.
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2:37 pm on January 14th, 2009
Ansel is a twatwaffle
He also does not read for comprehension.
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2:38 pm on January 14th, 2009
You will always be my “Culinary Super Woman.” Okay, make out session it is…. Really have to do some work. Damn your distraction…..
Don’t get fired, dude. The economy is in the tank.
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3:13 pm on January 14th, 2009
~ Ansel is making me want to explore explore Wordpress’s blocking/security features (since I’m relatively new with the Wordpress).
~ Yes, I know your name, but will gladly keep that under wraps.
~ Mental note to self: get a post out while I don’t have classes distracting me.
~S~
Thanks for keeping it under wraps.
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4:37 pm on January 14th, 2009
you can always tell when something in season just by looking at it….thats how my momma and grandma taught me.
also, i sometimes avoid going over to my sisters because she loves Jon & Kate that much….a part of me hates them, but then i remember seeing one of their tlc “specials” before they had their show and how PISSED and DISTRAUGHT they were when they found out they were having 8 babies, i believe there were some f-bombs involved. that sort of made me like them.
Your momma and grandma are right. And I did NOT know about the distraught part. Interesting.
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4:43 pm on January 14th, 2009
Your title was funny. I looked at it and thought the Nuva Ring part could have been either a birth control device or an astronomical event.
Which means I need to get out more and get some, because I should know that.
Well, sometimes the vagina is like another planet to some men…but yes…birth control.
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4:47 pm on January 14th, 2009
I have never seen that show. It scares me.
I am like you on the organic. Totally behind it in theory, but sketchy at following through. I did have a delicious caprese salad at Il Mulino recently. I thought twice about the tomatos, but they were great.
Well, hey, at least you know you aren’t having a litter of children, beautiful mama to be. Don’t be scared.
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5:10 pm on January 14th, 2009
I’ll pass on that show. If I want eight kids, I’ll fire up my Eight is Enough reruns enjoy some quality Dick Van Patton time.
Your troll smackdown rocks.
The tomato’s look amazing. Couple of questions: Do you roast the garlic for the full 3 hours, and if you made pasta with them, would you just chop them up and toss them with a bit of olive oil?
I think after three hours the garlic may be a bit too dry. You can check but it looked gummy to me.
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8:25 pm on January 14th, 2009
To paraphrase Homer Simpson: “Organic doesn’t mean anything. It’s just something you say, like ‘rama lama ding dong’ or ‘give peace a chance.’”
I live my life by the word of Homer Simpson.
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8:26 pm on January 14th, 2009
“It must take an enormous amount of insecurity to dedicate an entire post to the judgment of a TV family you’ve never met.”
Oh sweet hypocrisy, Ansel! You’ve met Lem, I’m assuming, then, since you’re taking time out of your busy day to come over here judge her?
TWATWAFFLE now has a permanent place in my vocabulary. Thank you Virgle Kent!
Yes, that was definitely another thought that crossed my mind but once you tell someone to suck a dick, you have made your point. Thanks FL. XO
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2:44 am on January 15th, 2009
I can’t believe I’ve never seen the show. Ridiculous, no?
You must tune in, seriously.
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5:08 am on January 15th, 2009
Tomatoes have a season? But they’re always avail at Trader Joes. What would I do with out you to educate me in the ways of nature et al.
Ha, yes…they can be grown year round and shipped in etc.
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9:28 am on January 15th, 2009
I am painfully addicted to that show. Although I agree with everything you said about it, I can’t help but channel to it when I see it’s playing. My husband, D, voiced his opinion (same as yours) and asked why I even bother watching it. I came up with the same reason I had when I was totally addicted to watching Bridezilla when we were engaged: “But honey, *insert super-sweet voice here* I only watch this so I have an example of what NOT to do and you can watch it to re-enforce how lucky you are to have found someone who isn’t like all those crazy bitches.” (Usually coupled with a lot of eyelash fluttering and a sweet smile) He proceeded to look at me as if I’d grown an antler and replied “Whatever, you just like to watch train wrecks. *re-insert sweet voice* And if you ever treated me the way Kate treats John, I’d lock you in the closet until you learned to be nice.” haha
I’m going to try those tomatoes on Saturday and top them on some pasta with seasonings we picked up in Italy. I’ll let you know how it goes.
I love your reasoning to your husband; sounds like something I would say. Also, please do let me know what you think of the tomatoes.
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10:58 am on January 15th, 2009
it’s interesting that the products which are supposed to be the simplest and most ‘natural’ also have the most adjectives attached to them. not to mention, the more you try to ‘purify’ your kids, the more more you’re either turning them into frail creatures with tons of food allergies or setting them up to rebel against everything you’ve forced on them.
any SWPL yuppie can go to whole foods with an unlimited budget and put a decent plate of food on a table. great cuisine comes from the ability to make do. really good food comes from really good technique, and good technique is somthing that people had to develop to deal with less-than-prime pickings. the test of a god cook to me: make me a good meal with what you can get for ten bucks at the soviet safeway.
Sadly, it is really hard to cook a decent meal for $10 but it can be done.
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7:09 pm on January 15th, 2009
okay, i love the show. i am of asian decent and joke that my boyfriend (whose is pretty much glow in the dark he is so white) and i would have even cuter kids then those dinks. then i watch the show, have a shot of whiskey and realize that cute kids are never the reason to turn a perfectly happy couple into… that.
watching her cook for those poor kids makes my stomach turn. it reminds me of a tired cafeteria lady peddling slop. organic slop, but slop nontheless. there is no love in what she makes for them.
alexis is pretty rad, but my fave is colin because he is so OCD.
Welcome Oxen Cox…Colin is pretty OCD but a total cutie. Also, there are some serious rumors that he is autistic, which is obviously fine and somewhat “normal” in our culture, but I wish they would speak about it more if this was the case…they are in a position to help people.
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7:49 pm on January 15th, 2009
My reading comprehension is fine.It doesn’t matter why you are mocking Kate’s reproductive choices; you brought them up and ridiculed them.
Parenthetical asides don’t change the fact that you legitimately think IV treatment is something to comment on in a negative way. That’s an awful thing for anyone to write, you deserve to be called out on it.
Oh, great mother of mercy. I do not think that, but feel free to interpret my words however you choose.
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10:33 am on January 16th, 2009
[...] night I thought about that cold weather and how Lemmonex was writing about oven roasted tomatoes on her blog and it got me to thinking about how good grilled cheese and tomato soup would be… Cream of [...]
11:36 am on January 16th, 2009
Dude don’t get ansel in your pantsel. gee wiz
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1:54 pm on January 16th, 2009
I’d just like to point out the irony and hypocrisy of this “ansel” situation.
Lemmonex dedicated a post to pretty much trashing people on a tv show, which is fine, we all have our guilty pleasures. Ansel trashes your blog on occasion.
How do you not see that is the same thing? By submitting incredibly personal information to the public domain, like John and Kate do on their TV show and you do on this website, you are inviting both the people who will celebrate you and the people who are repelled by you. You can’t trash the TV show and then be upset when someone does it to you without also being a hypocrite yourself.
Not taking sides, but an observation in human behavior…
Hey George–welcome. I actually agree with you. I put myself out here and I definitely take some criticism. My point with Ansel is he seems intent on slamming me but NOT reading what I actually say. I like when people disagree–I am not building a Lem fan club here–but I like basis in criticism.
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8:09 pm on January 16th, 2009
“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Invoking the Tolstoy Principle and its corrallary, “No one would watch a TV show about a normal couple with kids.”
I wouldn’t cauterize those ovaries yet, Lem. Under the right circumstances, you’d be a hell of a Mom. (although I’ve never met you, you do provide us glimpses to your world.) To wit:
–The warm way you write about Superboy and Mama Bear reveal you know what a healthy family relationship should look like.
–Your weight struggle and memories of how people treated you have taught you about humanity and decency.
–The appreciation of food eaten out and food eaten in reveal an ability to enjoy the small things, which childrearing provide in abundance.
When you meet the right guy and are at the right point in your life, it’ll be as natural as breathing…
That is really kind. Thank you so much.
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10:23 pm on February 13th, 2009
Wow. Judge much?
Tim, thanks for this helpful and enriching commentary.
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