“I am surprised you are making this”, was bettyjoan’s response when I sent her this recipe. She knows how I feel about bacon.
The thing was, I wasn’t so surprised.
Underneath it all, I am a people pleaser. I am a nurture-caretaker…I just want to make people happy. Someone once called me a “cooker with a heart of gold”.
Sure, the gold is a little tarnished. And yes, sometimes I will tell you exactly what is wrong with you…but I want to see you happy! How are you supposed to be happy if you have no idea what a moron you are? I am providing a service here, kids.
It is not uncommon for people to tell me I make them nervous or they were scared of me when they first met me. This happens very regularly, in fact. It confounds me. I don’t know how to do anything other than speak my mind, loudly, but I am merely saying what most of you are thinking. I may dart a pointed remark on in your direction. I will probably make fun of you if you deserve it. I will not pause for a second if I think a plain old “Go fuck yourself” is in order.
Yet, I will also tell you how incredibly amazing I think you are. The compliments, always sincere, hop off my tongue. I will bake for your party and help you move. On a regular basis, I put my dignity on the line if I think it will cheer a friend up. I have done interpretive dances of Beach Boy songs in an effort to coax a laugh.
So, really, as loud and tough and brash as I can be, I want to make you happy. So, I share this with you:
I made bacon biscuits and I loved them.
I originally set out to make them because I knew they would be a hit. You people and your bacon…you are insane. That being said, I thought these would bring some smiles at the potluck I attended a few weeks back. I just didn’t expect that I would be one of the people smiling.
These were spectacularly, mind numbingly awesome. Attendees of the potluck emailed me for the recipe, singing their praises. My friend Wise One said she thinks this is the perfect thing to make a man…I will let y’all be the judge of that. I am decidedly not a man and I had to fight the urge to pop these babies like candy. They were salty and a slightly tangy from the buttermilk. The chives and cheese paired perfectly and look how cute they are! I used a mini biscuit cutter and, well hell’s bells, I just want to pinch these biscuits on the cheeks they are so damn adorable. Fret not….these can just be cut in to wedges as well, making them more scone like. Making biscuits/scones is easy but always impressive. Show up with these in tow and you will have folks drooling.
Finally, I can see why bacon is so popular. Do I still think the hype is too much? Of course…but I hope this small concession makes you happy.
Bacon Cheddar Chive Biscuits
Slightly Adapted from Cave Cibum
3 cups flour
1 Tbsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp black pepper
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1 stick butter, cut into small pieces
about 5 ounces of cheddar, grated (I used low fat)
1/4 cup chopped chives (about half the packet)
8 slices center cut bacon, chopped and cooked crisp
3/4 cup buttermilk
1 large egg
Preheat oven to 400°.
Combine dry ingredients (flour through cayenne). Add in butter and work with your hands to combine – press butter between your fingers to form thin sheets. Add cheese, green onions, and buttermilk, and mix together. Add bacon and egg and mix until all the ingredients are incorporated.
Turn dough out onto a flat surface and knead a few times to smooth out the dough. Form dough into a ball, then flatten into a 1/2-inch thick disk. You can make little mini biscuits like me or you can cut the disk into wedges. Spread wedges across a parchment-lined baking sheet, leaving a little room around them. Bake for 16-18 minutes, or until the bottom of the scones start to brown and the cheese in the scone begins to turn golden. Best served warm.
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{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
mmmm….Bacon and cheese and bread. A trifecta of tasty things…
Yeah, there really was nothing that could go wrong here.
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mmmmm. i want some.
i would also love to see your version of the interpretive dance to a beach boys song!
Do you need cheering up? I can record it if you like…a you tube special!
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I’ve died and gone to bacon-chive-cheddar heaven. I think I might have to make those ones for Christmas.
They are the best gift of all, I am telling you.
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Bacon biscuits?
BACON BISCUITS?!?!?!
You must marry me. Immediately.
None of you boys are serious when you ask to marry me! Do you know how bad I want a kitchen-aid mixer of my own? I would gladly take one of you up in the offer.
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You never mentioned bacon biscuits before. Bacon biscuits change everything.
Wow, who knew these could be a game changer.
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Ooooh… they look like little fluffy bacony marshmallows. [drool]
They would make for a weird s’more, though.
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“…but I am merely saying what most of you are thinking.”
Seriously – someone has to do it.
And I cannot wait to try these biscuits. They’ll have to be a gift – otherwise I might just eat them all myself.
This is why I brought them to a party…I could not have them in my home.
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I’m drooling from this end of the interwebs. Seriously.
Don’t get it on your keyboard!
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I know you just got another offer, and we jus met and all…but I think you should marry me. It’s possible in Canada, you know. You can have a mixer for every room in the house.
You just upped the ante… I like where your head is at.
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Do you think these would work with sausage too?
Yep! But I would definitely crumble it very fine and make sure it is thoroughly drained of grease… I think chorizo and manchego would be awesome.
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Henceforth, “mana from heaven” shall be known as…”bacon cheddar chive buscuits.”
Wow, those are some high praises.
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Okay I somewhat retract what I have said about bacon. The only reason I go to Red Lobster is for those damn biscuits and cause my Nan likes to go there. Now with the addition of bacon, I no longer have a need for the RL.
I will tell you what, you help me move (coming soon to a D.C. near you) and I will let you use the 6 qt kitchen Aid. Then we can discuss marriage. Think of it as a dowry of sorts. Cheers!
I love those cheddar bay biscuits. Oh, dear LORD. I say this with no shame at all. I could eat a basket of those and a huge margarita and be the cheapest date EVER.
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I’m a vegeterrible, so the bacon doesn’t really do it for me (and I’m pumped to finally see a carnivore who agrees with me!) That said, I hear you on being a people leaser. Its the #1 reason why I would never go into Law Enforcement… I just want people to like me too much. I know I’d end up sharing a spliff intstead of slapping on cuffs… unless that’s what you’re into, of course.
You could leave the bacon out of these and they would still be good, for sure.
That is reason about 156 I could never be a cop.
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Justjp better keep his damn hands off my wife, or there’s gonna be consequences and repercussions.
Oh…I need to see this! I shall make popcorn and crack a beer!
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I’m proud of you, lover. I still want to try these with chorizo, though. Baby steps!
Every day, I get a little braver. Chorizo is next!
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Bacon biscuits combine two of my favorite things: bacon and biscuits. Possibly the only thing I love more is bacon cornbread.
Bacon cornbread…I just died and went to heaven.
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It better be bacon popcorn, is all I’m sayin’. I will now retire from this comment thread and let my ginormous stone cold hands of justice do any additional talking that may be required.
I shall use bacon salt!
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I can’t marry you, because yer like not Jewish or something. That said, if I buy you a kitchen-aid mixer, will you just cook for me all the time?
God DAMN. Do you have to marry a Jew?
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Hammer: The fight of the century. Like two crack-heads fighting over the last rock.
Oh, this is going to be epic.
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mmm….bacon biscuits.
FYI, gold doesn’t tarnish, so either your heart of gold is all shiny and purty, or you’re a cooker with a heart of fool’s gold. I have faith that it’s the former.
You are right…it doesn’t tarnish. Brain cramp. Who knows what is really in there…I hope purty.
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You gonna make some delicious buttermilk gravy to go with those biscuits?
I could. We used them more as a roll at the potluck, though. They tried to get me to take the leftovers home. I knew I would end up making scrambled eggs, drunk, and piling them on top of several biscuits. Luckily, I saved myself.
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If you married ME, I would share my lovely orange KitchenAid mixer with you. We’d probably have to convert to Mormonism, though, as I got it as a wedding present. (I’ve started watching Big Love and am kind of addicted in a horrified way.)
I adore Big Love. Jeanne Tripplehorne used to annoy me but I am on board now. I could convert to mormonism for an orange mixer. Orange makes it even better, in fact.
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Ah, you watch Big Love. So my first haiku on this site has burned into your subconscious…
Yes, that is exactly it.
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Okay I’m ready – tell me what you hate about me.
That you think I know you enough to posit what I hate. Egomaniac.
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“…sometimes I will tell you exactly what is wrong with you.”
Only sometimes?
Oh, I can think of plenty things wrong with you, Tard Baby. I just don’t have enough time to list all of them here.
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Bacon does not make everything better, but it sure makes biscuits better. I’m kinda of thinking about splitting them open and using way too much butter.
My arteries are clogging.
But you will die happy!
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“cooker with a heart of gold”
GENIUS! LOVE IT.
Shannon is pretty darn witty.
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I’m going to throw a charity auction, in order to get Lemmonex a Kitchen Aid mixer. Does anyone want to offer themselves up to the highest bidder? It’s for a good cause!
I think this is the best idea I have heard ALL DAY.
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Really, I should earn extra cash by writing people’s taglines for them.
And…now Lemmonex will tell me what’s wrong with me. My ego (the only thing about me that’s oversized).
You, my dear, are perfection. So glad to see you back writing. Don’t you dare ever leave me again.
That is what is wrong with you–you are selfish. You left me without my daily chuckle.
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if theres gonna be a fight for Lem’s hand..
i wanna be the referee…
and i wanna wear the cute referee uniform with the booty shorts…
xoxo
Oh, you can…and I am sure people would love to see you wearing them.
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I don’t -have- to marry a Jew. Just only if I want my parents to still talk to me
Oh dear. I heart being an atheist.
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I have it on authority she will only marry a circumsized man.
Who have you been talking to?
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I would like to be the spectator in the battle royale for Lemmy’s affections.
Primarily ’cause I like to watch shit go down and second, ’cause I’m an opportunist. Know that my right hand shall be ready to spank the booty short wearing ref’s ass for a job well done while the left hand carries a Kitchen Aid mixer.
Ah, if only my life were like this…that would be fab. Instead, I can’t get anyone to return my calls and I fall asleep sobbing every night as I clutch on to my Jack Daniel’s and my teddy bear.
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That guy…? He stands under the light post a lot and talks to himself.
He insisted this was true.
That guy is a liar…I swear.
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I am just happy I can be a part of the spectacle, where a hot blond is the ref and I could win Lemmy’s hand…and from the sounds of it a bottle of Jack!
Oh sweet Baby Jesus…you guys are something else.
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I must get in on this action!
here’s my proposal – no marriage, feats of strength, or cockfighting involved – simply cook me something awesome twice a year for the life of the mixer and it’s all yours.
Welcome…and you wish is my command.
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Wow. Those just look amazing. I’m definitely making them for christmas. nom nom nom.
You family will thank you.
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While they fight my dear Lem, I shall whisk you away to the Kitchen Aid store (right after i get a couple of pictures of SB in shorts). Once we have procured said treasure and I have secured the shiny gold heart of the fair Lemmonex (for the moment), we shall cook and revel with all our fellow blogeees till the wee hours.
You have this all figured out, don’t you?
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I really liked your blog! Praise Bacon and Hallelujah
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