One of my weird little foibles is I am obsessed with the song “Brandy“. This is something my family or close friends don’t even know, but it is the most played song on my iPod. When I am having a bad day, I will put it on a loop and it never fails to cheer me up. It is not the sign of a good day when I have to listen to it three times before I even get to the office.
I love sharing little nuggets about myself on the internet. Sure, I know that you could care less that I adore “Brandy”, but it’s how my mind works and how it weaves; I throw these little strands of the tapestry out for consumption. I’ve been accused of being a narcissist and egocentric and I am sure there is probably some truth to that. I have taken a cooking blog and made it all about me! Pay attention to my life and my personal turmoil! I am so funny! I am drunk! I heart bad boys and scars and tattoos! I am an incredible jackass with a huge mouth..whee!!!
The thing is, I love this little corner of the internet I occupy and I adore all of you who stop by. The comments, the haikus you write for me, and those of you who email me directly with cooking questions…every one of you makes my day a little brighter. There are some of you that come here every single day and visit; I don’t know who you are, but knowing that you stop by, that you care…it amazes me. Even the mean comments and occasional cruel emails serve as a reminder to remain true to myself and that not everyone likes me…and that is ok. We all know my feelings scare the ever living fuck out of me, but I do feel compelled to say it again: thanks so much for reading.
The meglomaniacal part of me likes to think you get something from this, too. Whether I make you laugh (dude, self-destruction is hilarious), cook, or think a little bit, I am glad to know it resonates. I have been fat, I have been thin(er). I have had my heart broken and I have been deeply in love. I have made amazing strides in my life, but I am continually confronted with how much I have to learn, and how much better I can do. Things have happened in my life that I am not proud of, but every single day I try my best to be the best me I can be. With every day and every lesson, my head is held a little higher and I accept myself a little more. I know you feel the same way. At the end of the day, we are all very different, but very much the same. I think that’s why we get along so swell.
But me is not Lemmonex. Nothing I have ever said here is a lie; I have witnesses to every story and my memories are written to my best recollection of the truth. That said, there is a whole lot here I choose not to share. My life is sometimes complicated and messy, but also pretty damn fantastic. So many triumphs and disappointments are never discussed here and I like it that way. Lemmonex, a braver, funnier, bolder version of me, is great, but I am also a person with feelings who sits at her computer every night and decides to share a small piece with you. These are words on a virtual page that are a part of life of a woman who is just trying to do her best in a sometimes confusing and complicated world.
Yesterday, the real me, the person sitting at this desk, living and breathing, felt real fear for the first time. Partially due to my own naivety, several people tried to uncover who I am…and were successful. Personal, private information was lorded over me and it was extremely unpleasant. It was a hard day, with some really frightening mail in my inbox. I considered not addressing this, fearing it would seem a cry for attention, or a tad hysterical…or I even feared that it would validate such a breach of my privacy. But, my relationship with my readers is important to me. You’re part of this experience, too, and I feel I would be remiss to NOT mention this situation. Because it’s easy to sit behind a keyboard, and hunt down semi-anonymous people whose lives you follow from the comfort of your living room or read from your desk at work. It would take a ton more cajones to walk up to someone on the street, or standing next to you on the metro, or in the next cube over, or in the checkout at the grocery store, or your mother and tell them that you violated something that they clearly hold dear. In my case, it’s my (relative) anonymity. Also, kindly remember that this blog is exactly as anonymous as I want it to be. I’ve mentioned before that – ironically – having a blog sometimes means NOT being able to write about the things I’d like to, which means that there is ever so much more of me that you don’t see. So, with that said, I would just, for the first time, like to point out to you that I am a person with a life. A job. A family. A heart beats under this blog, and that heart belongs to someone who was very scared yesterday.
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{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
L, You know where I am if you need a carrot cake fix. =-)
I may need to take you up on that. Thanks, Ryane.
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You already know how I feel about this.
I love you. Bravo, woman. You are a good egg.
Thanks. Why I love this blog–I have met lovely people like you.
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Hmmm. I’ll put on my amateur psychoanalyst hat for a moment. “Brandy” is about a young woman who holds herself out for a man who may never return, in the process spurning all the sailors – a hundred ships a day means a lot of sailors – who lust after her. In short, it’s about self-denial under extreme pressure, while holding oneself out for something of the finest quality. Clearly, given your identification with the song, there must be a culinary tie-in, somehow … perhaps, for example, not eating chicken liver even though you like it, in the hopes that someday you’ll be able to afford foie gras?
Peter
Sure…one way to look at this post. I do hope to live on foie gras and caviar one day.
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You are amazing, you know, dearest. As Lemmonex and as your own self. Thank you for sharing so much with me & us.
Oh & thank you for the Brussels sprouts recipe, seriously, the Roommate and I cannot get enough.
I am changing the world’s opinion on sprouts, one person at a time.
And thanks so much.
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Being upset about people digging for your private information isn’t “hysterical.” It’s completely reasonable, and you have every right to feel angry and threatened.
Thank you.
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Ugh people are always trying to ruin a good thing. Don’t stop writing.
I won’t. Promise. Thanks.
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Eep! Sounds like you had a rough day yesterday – I hope things get better for you today. I would recommend finding someone to give you a big hug! Those always help me when things get a bit rough.
As for Brandy, I ALSO absolutely love that song… it really is just a feel good song. Charlotte Harris gave me a mix cd a while back and that’s where I heard it first…. I’m not much into words of songs, so it isn’t the words that get me — the tune is just so !%@# catchy…. I dunno what it is about it, but I swear it uplifts me every time.
Isn’t it the best? It makes me want to dance…and I do.
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Lem, I totally have your back! I am in my office listening to Ice Cube’s “Today was a good day” and reading your blog and have come to my own conclusion about this matter. Yes, you all right to not have personal information floating out there and I/We/Your readers that visit this site on a consistent basis, respect this fact. I am a part time D.C.’er, so I quite enjoy hearing about cool places to go and things to try where I am about to live. Your real name is no concern to me, as we are not technically friends, just jovial culinary pundits. Even if we were friends outside the realm of Lemmonex, I have a hard time remembering names so a nick-name would come into play anyways.
Big Ups to you and I and hope others understand. It is because of you that I am almost convinced I should start writing. Though I have some technical questions I will ask you via email. Keep up the good work Lemmonex, you are appreciated. If you have any problems with some random asshole, let me know. There is always a solution to a problem. (lol, ominous and scary right? I tried.)
Oh, and just a bit of extra randomness, my beer that I submitted to the Sam Adam’s Longshot competition scored a rating of excellent: 38/50. Need to make it a bit more acidic.
Sure, drop me a line…I would love to help. Thanks for the nice words…and beer? YES PLEASE. I need about three.
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I don’t know where people got this idea that it is within their right to pry into people’s private lives. Those kind of people are always ill intentioned and it makes my blood boil.
Stay strong but seriously, what’s up with all the goddamn nutjobs on the net?!
The internet is for porn and for weirdos.
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Sorry to hear about the whack jobs out there giving you a hard time. You post did make me wonder about this and that, but that was all it was: about 10 seconds of random wondering and then the realization that if you’d wanted us to know, you’da told us.
Since ya didn’t, it was none of my freakin’ business.
Chin up, chest out, fight the power Lemmy.
The power…it is being fought.
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I know Republicans. With guns. Just sayin.
And anyone who tries to bother you? Has to get through my scrappy Scotch-Irish arms first… and I don’t fight fair.
I know you don’t fight fair. This is why I like you. Please don’t turn on me.
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Wow. Trolls are becoming popular these days. My guess is it’s all the ex-wall street investment bankers looking for something to do. Bastards!
I know–pick on the President, not me!!
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I just want to let you know that I don’t know who you really are. I assumed the weird name you use here was your real name. Did I mention I was a theoretical physicist? Many of us are functionally retarded in areas outside of math and science. I figured you posted your real picture, so why not your real first name?
Big difference between a picture and a name. But wow, if my first name was Lemmonex–insanity.
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That’s the thing about internet bullies and real-life cowards. Look a little closer and you’ll notice that they’re the same people.
Way to stand your ground, kiddo.
Thanks, Hammer. I need people like you behind me.
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You weren’t a scary one…don’t worry.
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After extensive research which included consulting the Domesday Book, the Book of Kells, the Talmud, the Dead Sea Scrolls and A Recherce du Temps Perdu (I thought it was a book about a chicken magnate), I came to the conclusion that you were in reality Pepe le Pew, but then realized there were no x’s in le Pew, so went back to my I Ching (I always wondered who Ching was and if that book was a rip off of I Robot or was it the other way round) for further analysis. More about that later.
Of course people will be curious and some people will go further than that and some even further by letting you know they know, to give them a little gotcha ego boost and then the total looney tunes who have to be mean about it. The internet, like atomic energy, can be a force for good and for bad, alas and I for one hope you don’t let the dark side drive you to the sidelines because then I might have to do some work instead of writing my comments and I would have to let go of my fantasy of being invited to partake of one of your ginger, curry and cardamom free meals.
Rock on Lemmonex!
The internet as atomic energy–I love it. Thanks for your visits jman.
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christ. i seriously don’t understand what’s wrong with people…the answer is varied and far longer than can be put here. i hope everything’s turned out okay though, or as okay as it can be.
I feel much better…thanks so much. Sometimes it just helps to get it out there.
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I can’t decide if I’m sadder that this sort of crap continues to happen or that I’m no longer surprised by it. Either way: people suck.
Mean people suck, but not all, I hope. Y’all have been pretty lovely.
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A great post, Lemmonex. One of the reasons I admire your blog so much is because, daily, you open yourself honestly and unabashedly, whether it’s for your own entertainment or ours. The effort and the courage is noteworthy all the same. (Damn that I never made it to any sort of DC blogger happy hour to meet you personally!)
I’m amazed that people exist out there who actually do sit behind their computer screens and take the time to “out” bloggers. For what? For who? WHY? Such bizarre and cowardice and pathetic behavior.
Regardless, keep writing, lady. I love it. Even if I can’t cook for shit, I have a stack of like three dozen recipes I’ve printed out from this blog that I’ve convinced myself I’ll cook someday.
You should cook! It is just following directions. I hope you try them some day. (and thanks, of course.)
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Hang Tough. Keep Cooking. Keep Writing.
Your loyal readers rally to your side.
I feel them rallied. Thanks so much, internet friend.
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i *heart* you…
xoxo
And, I, you… xo
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Eek! Stalkers and trolls
Lurking about make days tough
Hope it wasn’t me (?)
We are cool, SD.
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I don’t get it, why would anyone want to “expose” you or whatever? Do they need a meatloaf recipe? Because I have one they could use – just send them my way.
Okay. No I don’t. I’m vegetarian.
Tofuloaf?
Tofuloaf!! No thanks! You are on your own.
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Ryane had to go and mention carrot cake. Thorn in the side, man.
I’m always there to choke a bitch, should a bitch require choking. Say the word.
I don’t doubt that for a second. You are on speed dial.
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I have guns too if ya need them……….what is with people lately.
Guns scare me! But thanks.
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One more thing – Brandy was always a little too sickly sweet for me. A song which I have found the listening to of which makes it impossible to remain down is Ventura Highway by America. And Jeremy by Pearl Jam. OK, not the latter.
I loved the Jeremy video. Though, this day in age, creepy.
I like the little boppy tune of Brandy–it is fun.
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Damn kid,
This is some straight up real talk on your part. They should setup up a class for new bloggers so they can handle jank like this. But sadly I’ve seen this all before.
People just want to hate.
Who would run the class?
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So I read regularly, but yesterday was my first time commenting. Nothing weird…I just read at work to get through the day…I guess some people have so little going on in their own lives that they need to amuse themselves by trying to bother others. I’m sorry though. That really does suck. And be careful too…you never know about some of these crazies.
I am really glad you chimed in. And yeah, it is shocking to see how many people are on the crazy train.
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This is almost unbelievable. Why do people do stuff like that? Who are they amusing? I can’t imagine it’s that much of a pay-off for all that work just to be labeled a creep, or e-creep, as it were. Not that I condone stalking in real life — uh, this is getting weird — but at least then you’d get to see or even interact with the object of your creepy affection. But what the hell does one get out of e-stalking? That’s the dumbest hobby I’ve ever heard of.
As for this blog, yes, keep it up! Oh! And do you have any simple plantain recipes by chance? Through a series of bizarre events, I’ve managed to obtain a plantain and I have no idea what to do with it.
I get what you are saying…the ecreep thing is a totally different breed.
How about this for plantains? Even a novice could do it. (You can buy the pineapple pre-cut, just I wouldn’t advise canned.)
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So now that you’ve spoken out about those ugly trolls and we’ve all agreed that they generally suck, are you going to give us a recipe? Cause, I mean, if you don’t…well…then the terrorists have already won. I know, how about a quick and easy one…Lem’s PB&J?
Ha, well there will be one tomorrow, promise.
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Sucky! This makes me think of the disdain I feel for girls who put stuff like “stalk me!” on their pages and blogs and whatnot. Is this a bad time to say check your yourspace hoss?
Nope, not at all. Say as you wish, and yes, “stalk me” ain’t funny.
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In the interest of not giving the creep any more attention (power), let me say this:
I like Brandy, too. The song and the sippy drink.
Thanks for all you do.
The first sip of hard alcohol I had was brandy…a Horse’s Neck to be exact.
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Mmmmmm Brandy. Smooth warm buzz with a comfortable smile. The song and the drink.
I am also quite partial to braided chains…
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A song which I have found the listening to of which makes it impossible to remain down is Ventura Highway by America.
Upbeat tune, for sure, however I would very much like to know how in the world nights can be stronger than moonshine.
And what’s an alligator lizard and why do they fly?
Peter
These are questions for the ages. I wish I had answers, but I have none for you. I am sorry.
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Lem-
I had an e-stalker. They can range from the pathetic to the really disturbed. So take stock and take care of you and seriously – if you feel the need – take up the people who offered the use of their arms!! We need Lemmy, whole, happy and sending us yummy posts and yummier recipes for long into the future.
Yeah, I think, in the long run, some of these people were just trying to freak me out. Either way, I just think it is good to remind everyone that I am a real human being.
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I have been here so many times over the years personally with stalkers and trolls and fear (currently had to close comments completely) and to see you in this place makes me really sad.
Its just wrong and should not happen. Like I always say, those who are not just trolls to be annoying but who genuinely want to get on here and ruin your day and make you feel worse are the lowest scum on the planet.
You don’t deserve it…you never have.
Hang in there sweetheart and keep writing. Muah
I know you relate…which is comforting, and also sucks. Thanks, baby.
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Oh no! This makes me so sad to read this. I missed checking in yesterday and I return to find this. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I wish there was something to say that truly would make it all better.
Every single thing people have said has helped…so you have. Thanks UG.
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Big difference between a picture and a name. But wow, if my first name was Lemmonex–insanity.
Not for me. I have such a unique look that people always remember me if they’ve seen me once. You could blend into a crowd far better than I could. Racially ambiguous stands out like a sore thumb.
So you are saying I am not special!? Blasphemy.
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Oh wow, too bad some people have nothing better to do. Glad it’s not scarin’ ya off, though.
I loooove Brandy too!
I am hard to scare. Um, and Brandy is clearly the best song ever.
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Another reason why you rock: you respond to *every*single*comment* that’s left on your blog. Amazing.
And stalkers suck, I know. But what’s even scarier are ones who stalk you when they don’t even know your name…yet.
Ugh. But it sucks there is a yet, right? Like…the inevitability is freaky.
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Hi honey, allow me to personally thank all those folks who know of or have WMD and happen to be a little closer in proximity to you than i am right now. Hope your okay. Know I’ve got your back, I’ll talk to you soon. I love reading your blog…..every day. It makes me miss you less
I heart you too
D
I miss you too. I am definitely ok.
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Lemmo, you’re a fine girl. Such a good wife you could be.
But my life, my love and my lady, is the sea.
As always, a beautiful picture…but I cannot help but scroll through and see some truly frightening haircuts. Is this what happens when boys are bored on a boat? Hair goes amok?
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Oh, and Lemmonex would be a perfectly reasonable first name, if, say, your older brothers were Asterix and Obelix. Very Gallic.
Well, we did have a pooch named Dogmatix when I was a kid. Very Gallic indeed.
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Ugh. Reading this made my stomach hurt. Sorry to hear that. It is true that putting your personal out in cyberspace somehow invites all kinds of stuff – both good and bad. And people can be mean, for seemingly no reason.
As for the song Brandy – I love it. I had my iPod on shuffle on a bus trip in Turkey last week and it came on. I tried to get Nick to enjoy it with me, but much as he loves sailing, he doesn’t share my enthusiasm for the song.
Big hugs to you, Lem.
I feel your hugs…thanks Lisa. And you need to school Nick!! That song is awesome.
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