Having a roommate is a very good thing for me. Not only do I have someone to keep track of me (the odds of me one day ending up in a ditch are pretty likely) and split the rent and cable bill with, but it keeps me in line. If it weren’t for the presence of another person in the apartment, I would continually wander around, sans pants, cigarette hanging out of my mouth, while garbage and dishes piled up. You’d see me on Oprah, living in an apartment stacked high with newspapers from 1999 and every issue of Entertainment Weekly since the characters of Melrose Place graced the cover.
How do I know this is a possibility, you ask? Because all hell breaks loose every time my roommate leaves for the weekend. I have the decorum of a frat boy and clearly need other people around to keep me in line.
Yet, I have decided on my own that there shall be no more smoking in the apartment. This decision was made several months ago when, unable to find a book of matches or a lighter, I leaned over the stove to light my cigarette and singed off a lock of hair. Not my hair! It scared the hell out of me and smelled horribly to boot.
Yes, I know I shouldn’t be lighting my cigarette off my stove. In fact, I even know my habit of enjoying the occasional Marlboro Light is a dirty one that makes my clothes smell and increases my risks for lung cancer and wrinkling…but I am a moron. Yet, if my hair isn’t a reason to change, I don’t know what is.
I tell this story to once again prove how incredibly idiotic I am capable of being…ya know, just in case you forgot. I am, in fact, so stupid that every time I have a great idea, even a decent one, a parade should probably be thrown. They do not happen often and are event worthy.
So, I am just going to say it: this cake deserves a parade of Macy’s proportions. I cobbled it together from multiple carrot cake recipes, using an All Recipes recipe as a point of reference. Instead of using all white sugar, I swapped out a cup of the white stuff for brown sugar. I added raisins and pineapple for extra moisture and flavor. To plump up the raisins, I had (if I do say so) the genius idea of using the reserved pineapple juice for even more flavor. For an added depth, I toasted the pecans before throwing them in to the batter. This cake was crazy moist; so moist that it almost fell apart and stuck to the pans a bit. To avoid crumbling, I added an extra 1/4 cup flour to the recipe and suggest using parchment in the pans. The frosting complemented the cake perfectly and was fantastic. Four days later this thing is still as tasty as when it came out of the oven and not dry at all. My roommate called this “the best carrot cake she has ever had”…and I have to agree. Look people, I know carrot cake. If I cannot get this right, I might as well hang up my shingle and shuffle away in shame. Thankfully, there was no shame in this…
It was pure genius. For such an idiot, I done good.
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It’s Wednesday! Get your hot ass over to So Good and see what (Haloween themed!) treat I am eating this week!
Best Carrot Cake in the Whole Freaking Universe
Heavily Adapted from All Recipes
4 eggs
1 1/4 cups vegetable oil
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
3 cups grated carrots
1 cup chopped pecans, toasted
2/3 cup raisins (I used golden)
1 – 8 ounce can crushed pineapple, juice reserved
1/2 cup butter, softened
8 ounces cream cheese, softened
4 cups confectioners sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease two 8 inch round cake pans, then line the bottom of the pans with parchment paper. Grease and flour the pans (with the parchment on the bottom).
Shred carrot and let then drain in a colander for 45 minutes. Drain pineapple and heat reserved juice in the microwave for one minute. Dump raisins in juice so they can plump.
In a large bowl, beat together eggs, oil, white and brown sugar and 2 teaspoons vanilla. Mix in flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt and cinnamon. Stir in carrots and raisins that have been drained from the pineapple juice. Fold in pecans. Pour into prepared pan.
Bake in the preheated oven for 40 to 50 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Let cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack and cool completely.
To Make Frosting: In a medium bowl, combine butter, cream cheese, confectioners’ sugar and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Beat until the mixture is smooth and creamy. Frost the cooled cake.
9:22 am on October 29th, 2008
Thoughts want cigarette!!!! NOW!!!!
It will kill you!
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9:32 am on October 29th, 2008
I know…I quit, but I remember the pains of not having fire. It can be pretty frustrating.
Yes, it can be. Especially because i don’t consider myself a smoker, per se. I am always rummaging.
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9:36 am on October 29th, 2008
Looks like a winner. Never been a huge fan of carrot cake, but this one just might get me to try one.
As to the smoking, remember what Dennis Leary said, “Smoking takes ten years off your life. Well it’s the ten worst years, isn’t it folks? It’s the ones at the end!”
For real…what will I be doing from 85-95 (hopefully)?
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9:42 am on October 29th, 2008
“I would continually wander around, sans pants, cigarette hanging out of my mouth, while garbage and dishes piled up. You’d see me on Oprah, living in an apartment stacked high with newspapers from 1999 and every issue of Entertainment Weekly since the characters of Melrose Place graced the cover.”
Um, you just described my life – to the letter. Maybe I should get a roommate, before it’s too late.
Nah. Fuck it. I like being pantless. It makes me happy.
That cake was the best thing I’ve ever eaten. I should have taken a slice for later. So good. So, so good. Thanks for making it.
The best thing you have ever eaten! Damn, woman, are you trying to get in my pants? Wait…I am not wearing any.
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9:50 am on October 29th, 2008
the odds of me one day ending up in a ditch are pretty likely
That’s mostly a risk for men. With women, it’s more likely to be a car trunk.
And how do you know this, Peter?
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9:52 am on October 29th, 2008
What a coincidence! Neither am I!
Hellooooooo, Lemmy!
Hellllooo LOVAH! Aren’t my panties pretty?
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9:55 am on October 29th, 2008
Holy hell!!! I can only imagine what that carrot cake tastes like but I would likely need a cigarette after a slice. Preferably a generous slice.
I am not even kidding, DF. I am just going to embrace the fact that I am not being humble about this AT ALL…it was awesome.
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9:56 am on October 29th, 2008
Just in time for my birthday next month – I always want carrot cake on my b-day. Instead of buying one from Wegman’s I just might bake this!
Have someone else make it for you…it is your birthday, woman!
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10:00 am on October 29th, 2008
when my roommie is out of town, all hell breaks loose here too.
that cake sounds really yummy. i’d probably just go sans raisons (just because im not a fan), but the rest sounds sooo good!
Thanks! If you don’t like the, of course leave them out, but you couldn’t really tell they were there…they just added a bit of moisture and texture.
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10:27 am on October 29th, 2008
That I’ve never smoked a cigarette is the one thing that shocks the hell out of people when I tell them.
Not sure what that says about me…
It just seems like something most people have done.
People react the same way when they find out I have never done drugs.
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10:29 am on October 29th, 2008
Nice job covering up the carrots in that carrot cake.
Looks unbelievably good.
Why, thank you!
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10:50 am on October 29th, 2008
WHen writing about carrot cake it is important to get one’s metaphors right. When throwing in the towel, one would take down one’s shingle otherwise people will think you are still in business. More importantly, when are you going to write about a real dessert like layer cake with chocolate icing or chocolate cream pie? OK maybe they’re mundane but as mundane things go they are some of the best! When you do, can I come over for the preblog tasting? I’ll bring the fire extinguisher and an extra book of matches in case you have been home alone. Yours in hunger …
This is real desert, buddy! There are plenty of them on here…you ain’t the boss of me.
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11:03 am on October 29th, 2008
I’ve lived alone for most of the last decade. The sad thing is that I don’t really take advantage of it…I walk around fully clothed. I rarely eat over the sink. I even CLOSE THE BATHROOM DOOR.
What? You close the door? That is some Puritanical nonsense.
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11:03 am on October 29th, 2008
A long time ago, when I had dreads (shut up) I lit one on fire while I was trying to light my cigarette.
It flamed up and for about a month, I had to walk around with one short dread on the front of my head. So not only was I a white dude with dreads, I was a white dude with dreads that were not all the same length.
It was not pretty.
Also, that cake looks amazing.
Dreads! You must have reeked! I forgive you though. It must have been hard to put that thing out. (and thanks!)
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11:04 am on October 29th, 2008
“you ain’t the boss of me.”
Boy a sonnet will only get one so far!
I say it with love.
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11:07 am on October 29th, 2008
Oh thank god I’m not the only one who completely related to the “I would continually wander around, sans pants, cigarette hanging out of my mouth, while garbage and dishes piled up….” comment. Yep, that’s what you’ll see in my apartment on most given days. Attagirl Freckledk.
So, yes, you’re right. You do need a roommate. I’m glad you have someone to keep you in line… you need it more than we do
Can you please please please FedEx me a piece of that cake?
There are still a few tasty slices on my kitchen table…though I don’t know if it would hold up. You know I totally would, though.
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11:08 am on October 29th, 2008
I don’t buy your claim of idiocy at all, because you put together this dang fine blog, girl. That shit can’t be reconciled.
Oh, I have you fooled too. Awesome.
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11:17 am on October 29th, 2008
since when have you been a smoker?! oh lemmonex…
Occasionally! I haven’t had one in a week. I am not a bad person!
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11:27 am on October 29th, 2008
I have the opposite problem, I USED to be an inveterate slob. Now when I don’t have the kids, I’m always freaked out by how messy my place is, but I’m only a half ass cleaner. Ironically, I hate how dirty it is, but I’m not willing to really put in the work to make it immaculate, just pick up enough to prepare the house for the next Hurricane Small Y Chromosome.
Well, and kids mess up a place. Damn kids! (Sure yours are lovely…)
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11:51 am on October 29th, 2008
BH – The problem is that you have to clean with your WHOLE ass. Not just half of it, silly!
Good call…you really are a housewife.
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11:55 am on October 29th, 2008
I’m feeling you on the roommate thing — it’s nice to know that someone will know if I don’t come home at night and can alert the authorities!
That cake sounds absolutely delicious!
Thanks, Zandria! And welcome…nice to have you here.
I had a pact with my old roomie–if I didn’t call/text her by noon the next day, she should start phone banking me.
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11:56 am on October 29th, 2008
If any parent has told you they haven’t muttered that about there own children, they are lying.
And it’s perfectly acceptable to cry (and shout) about spilt milk. That sh*t is a pain to clean up.
I appreciate parents who are honest about their kids. I always feel like people who talk about their perfect, perfect child and their perfect, perfect lives are totally full of shit.
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12:02 pm on October 29th, 2008
there are a lot of fruits and nuts in this cake… you know, that sounds like my neighborhood. what if i made it without all that, would it be too too moist? would it implode under the weight of it’s own decadent wetness?
A tsunami would spring from the pan.
You can make it without–it would actually be drier. Not dry, but not as moist.
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12:10 pm on October 29th, 2008
If I lived alone my house would always be spotless and organized and full of flowers.
… I’m not kidding.
I don’t think you are. You see, I am not a huge flowers girl. They sure are pretty, though. I have a special spot for star gazer lilies.
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12:15 pm on October 29th, 2008
Isn’t it possible that the cake was “crazy moist, so moist that it almost fell apart and stuck to the pans a bit” because you substituted a whole cup of brown sugar for white sugar? I didn’t think you could get away with that in a recipe because brown sugar has so much more moisture in it that you couldn’t get away with that. It’s almost like substituting honey, it’s sweeter and wetter so you really can’t do a 1:1 substitution.
I think it is possible, but I do think it had more to do with the pineapple. I read a few reviews with people doing the smae swap and they didn’t have issues. It still held together fine and tasted awesome, though. Just kept me on my toes for a few minutes.
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12:17 pm on October 29th, 2008
that’s good. i’m situated quite firmly in the “no nuts/fruit in my baked goods” camp. there may be an exception for cookies.
ps – i must admit that having roommates completely regulates who i bring home. there’s no telling what sort of bad decisions i’d make if i lived alone.
I love nuts in cookies.
As far as the other thing…whatever keeps you in line, Lance.
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12:47 pm on October 29th, 2008
I am a total wreck when I’m on my own.
When I lived alone for 4 years, I went more than 1 year without washing the dishes in my sink.
More. Than. One. Year.
A YEAR! Holy Christ. That is really, super, super, mega disgusting. Were they growing things? Moving?
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12:51 pm on October 29th, 2008
the odds of me one day ending up in a ditch are pretty likely
That’s mostly a risk for men. With women, it’s more likely to be a car trunk.
And how do you know this, Peter?
When I’m finished hosing out my car trunk I’ll explain.
Peter
Good luck…but I hear the black light gets it even after you rinse it out.
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1:01 pm on October 29th, 2008
Carrot cake is like a divine food from the gods, and I can attest that this one was insanely good. Had I known that walking around your apartment sans panties was the routine, I feel fairly sure I’d of obliged you just for more cake.
Sans pants!! I wear PANTIES. But so glad you liked the cake.
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1:25 pm on October 29th, 2008
I think you’re a super smartypants who makes a lot of good decisions, but with smoking as your less than genious vice. Which is not so bad, in the scheme. As for the cake: yum, yum, yumalicious, yum.
Aw, Lisa…you are the best. Thanks. And the smoking is bad, but not an every day thing, so I tell myself it could be worse.
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1:27 pm on October 29th, 2008
A pant-less smoker….how is it you have not been snatched up by someone yet?
Correction: A pant-less smoker who cooks and has no problem with porn.
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2:31 pm on October 29th, 2008
Great post–and great looking cake! You know, I’ve always been opposed to carrot cake because of the raisins, but maybe with golden raisins I’d actually be a fan. I find the golden raisins to be less wrinkly and less pruny-tasting.
I agree–and you could 100% leave them out.
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2:43 pm on October 29th, 2008
The ingredients list is a parade of Macy’s proportions.
In other nonsense, you remind me of a really funny song by The Poxy Boggards, I Wear No Pants. Absurdly hilarious. Or hilariously absurd, I’ve never figured out which.
Most of thise stuff is pantry staples though…it is worth it.
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2:44 pm on October 29th, 2008
“A pant-less smoker who cooks and has no problem with porn.”
Quite possibly the perfect woman.
If only I were perfect, but I assure you I am not.
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3:34 pm on October 29th, 2008
I’ve met you, so I can say this with all certainty. You have hot hair. If I catch you even thinking about hurting a lock of it again, I will kick your ass until… well…. until I deem the ass kicking over. (or you decide you’ve had enough and beat me into oblivion, which is quite possible).
I live alone just so I can walk around naked. I think I need to start a DC nudist colony.
Oh, DOUG! Complimenting my hair will get you pretty damn far. Danke, darling.
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3:54 pm on October 29th, 2008
Your assurance on perfection is what makes you perfect. Even the imperfection of your obsession with vile things like dates, figs and pineapple contributes to your perfection. Ladies and gentlemen I give you the perfect Lemmonex!
You are way to kind, but thank you. I should just start listing my faults here…wait. I think I already do that.
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4:07 pm on October 29th, 2008
My dad’s friend ran a nudist colony. Dad would sometimes camp there (fully clothed). His verdict? The most die-hard nudists are generally the ones who should keep their pants on.
Um, yes. Have you seen en episode of “Real Sex”…like ever? It is not cool.
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4:18 pm on October 29th, 2008
I have to agree with Lance, having a roommate/s will greatly influence the amount of poor decisions. Such as smoking in the house, sans pants, doing shots of Jim Beam and Red Bull, while drunk-dialing-not that this ever happens. I do have to say ever sense we got a 3rd (female) roommate, our living conditions have greatly improved. Though, like you, when they leave town you could make a film entitled: JP in the wild- Watch everything go down hill fast. We do have a no hog-hunting clause built into the lease though.
No hog hunting? Oh, that is fantastic…and kind of scary.
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4:29 pm on October 29th, 2008
What’s your opinion on fashion types who insist on using “pant,” singular? Annoying right? They come as a pair, so they’re plural: pants.
yes, always pants. Do you mean when they say: “A blue pant would go well with that orange top”?
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4:31 pm on October 29th, 2008
hot hair of the cook
singes all things around her
hot damn thinks the man
You flatter me so, jman.
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4:56 pm on October 29th, 2008
This carrot cake was AMAZING. Delish.
But I am the complete opposite with a roommate. I love living alone. I love walking around naked and singing at the top of my lungs.
But I am a neat freak (with a wild streak muauauahahah) and grew up with 4 siblings, lived in a sorority house and then shared an apartment in college for 2 years with 4 people.
By 22, I had my fill of living with people.
I could never again have another roommate. You’ll get there.
One day. I guarantee it.
Until then, keep making that delicious CAKE. YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
I think I will get there one day, but right now I am happy. I have my own bathroom, so that makes it much easier. And thanks, Kass!
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5:08 pm on October 29th, 2008
Yes…your apartment is the only way I could do “with someone”…you have your own bathroom. And your room is freaking huge. Its almost like your own studio anyway.
I know–I do love my huge room. I should do cartwheels in there.
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5:08 pm on October 29th, 2008
Pants…panties….at the end of the day, is there really a difference??
Just saying.
Now you sound like half the guys I have dated…
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5:40 pm on October 29th, 2008
…but I assure you I am not.
Well, of course; but that description is a good start… as is Kassy’s, um, singing habit.
We are quite the cute pair, I agree.
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6:28 pm on October 29th, 2008
Roommates?! Ugh. I am fastidious to begin with and eventhough I’m very clean and organized I still have a maid clean the place weekly. Besides I don’t want anyone messing with my sex swing. Wait, what.
Huh? Who said that?
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6:42 pm on October 29th, 2008
Actually in the UK pants are underwear (women’s would be more commonly called knickers but pants is more generic) while trousers are what we Yanks call pants. So be careful about whom you are telling you are wandering around sans pants!
Noted. I wouldn’t want anyone thinking any less of me.
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8:41 pm on October 29th, 2008
every since i started reading this blog, i started to like carrot cake that much more every time you mention it. i’m definitely taking note of this one.
My work here is done! Brainwashing complete.
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12:27 am on October 30th, 2008
You totally had me cracking up with this post. I love NOT having a roommate because I’m able to walk around with pants on and a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. HA! Great cake too! Pretty out of control Rock and roll.
Coming from the master baker, that is a huge compliment. Thanks, Joy.
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