My friend B the other day described me as “free spirited”. I had to laugh.
I think it is impossible to assess yourself subjectively on these things, but this is not how I see myself. When people describe me as a “wild child” or “free spirited”, there is a part of me that bristles. I’m more than this, yes? Of course, I could never deny that I am prone to flights of fancy and have been known to act on my whims, but I think B is especially attuned to my wild hairs as he knew me when. He knew me when I was awkward, unhappy, defensive, and painfully sanctimonious. He knew the Lemmonex who was voted “Most Intellectual” of her high school class, a superlative that was bestowed upon me because there is no such category entitled “Loudest and Most Shrill”. “Most Intellectual” was a veiled code for raging bitch. (I know some of you are thinking “she still is”. Believe me, you have no idea…I have mellowed considerably.)
It was very important to me to be viewed as smart; the label “Most Intellectual” tethered me and provided an identity I could grasp to tightly. It was a false sense of security, an easy title to put next to a picture. While I am not calling myself unintelligent, I know I am more than that. I don’t need people to think I am smart to feel strong or like I fit in. Do any of us really fit the mold, anyway? Why do we waste so much time trying to be anything other than ourselves? When I asked B what he meant by “free spirited”, he said I live my life on my own terms. If that’s what categorizes a free spirit, that is a characterization I can get behind.
I have worked hard to accept me. I am messy, I am loud, I dance around in my underwear and sing in to my hairbrush. I still sleep with my teddy bear. I cry at ITT Tech commercials in the privacy of my own home, yet have a very hard time crying in front of people. I fuck up. I sometimes drink too much. I make an ass of myself on a regular basis. I am a great friend. I sometimes love to write and other days I contemplate pulling the plug on this blog, cringing at every word I have written here. Too often I fall in to old habits and pick apart every inch of my body, where other days my self-esteem is far too healthy. I am all these thing and more. I am living a life I love and I am doing it on my own terms. I work hard everyday to embrace who I am. I’ve come a long way to holding such a narrowly defined self; I am far more than just one simple label. Maybe free spirit is the best word…
These days, my intelligence seems to be most exerted on recipe. And let me tell you, I felt like a god damn genius with this recipe. I was looking for something to pack for lunches that was full of flavor, healthy and easy to individually portion. I had heard of individual meatloaves in muffin tins, but I was nervous that they would turn out dry. Ground poultry isn’t too forgiving. But, and this is where I feel very smart, adding loads of fresh veggies does two things; keeps it moist and healthy. Adding the salsa? A stroke of genius, I tell you. (No judging for using jarred salsa; I adore it on my eggs.) These turned out quite tasty and wrapped for lunch with some frozen veggies, they are filling and healthy.
Sometimes, I still use the brain.
Tastes 10 times prettier than it looks
Mexican Chicken Meatloaf
Nonstick Cooking Spray
1/2 green bell pepper, finely diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
3 green onions, chopped (or a shallot or 1/2 small onion, whatever you have on hand)
1 egg, beaten (or 1/4 cup egg beaters or two egg whites–I used egg beaters)
2 tablespoons Worchestershire sauce
1/4 cup salsa
1/2 cup bread crumbs
2 teaspoons dry oregano
1/4 cup fresh parsley, chopped
Salt and pepper
1 package (about 1 1/4 lbs) ground chicken
Preheat oven to 400. Preheat nonstick skillet over medium heat. Spray pan and add peppers, green onions and garlic. Cook for about 5 minutes, until softened. Add pepper mixture to large mixing bowl. Add remaining ingredients and mix together with your hands. Spray muffin pan with cooking spray and fill tins with meatloaf mixture. (It will fill 6 tins.) Cook for 25 minutes. (Note: can also be formed in to a loaf and cooked for about 45 minutes.)
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Freud, I believe you mean assess…”I think it is impossible to asses yourself subjectively on these things”
HAHA! Thanks. Another thing about me: cannot spell.
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I dance around in my underwear
We’re eagerly awaiting the You Tube video.
I cry at ITT Tech commercials in the privacy of my own home
I find the small-print disclaimer amusing: “Credits are unlikely to transfer.”
There is no video of this. Sorry, Peter. I have no one to tape my antics.
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So wait, I’m confused… after reading this, I’m going to make a quick guess and say that you are…. wait, what… human? No way!
I hate the terms free spirited or wild child because what I think they really refer more to is the general malaise in our society. I mean, people are just scared to be individuals. Scared of being judged. Scared of looking bad. And you know what? I think it keeps them from truly having fun. Fuck that. I don’t want to die a sad old fart. I want to die a happy old fart – so fuck you if you think I’m “free spirited” – enjoy sitting at home watching your reality TV shoving microwave dinners in your mouth while I’m off enjoying life to its fullest. (nothing against reality tv or microwave dinners, there is a time and place for them, but you know what I mean, right?) So Ms Lemmonex, cheers to being free spirited!
Yes, I know what you mean. I love me some crappy TV and food from my microwaves, but also, I love good food and documentaries. We all just need to embrace life a bit more, methinks.
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As someone who wrapped too much of my self-identity around my intellect for longer than I care to admit, this resonated with me. Finding that place where we are truly comfortable in our own skin is not an easy thing.
It certainly isn’t. Now, I don’t care if people think I am dumb because I get rowdy or spend far too much money on lipgloss. I know who I am.
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Meatloaf muffins!
I know, right? So cute.
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enjoy sitting at home watching your reality TV shoving microwave dinners in your mouth while I’m off enjoying life to its fullest
The saddest part is that there’s no reason to be eating microwave dinners, when with a little effort you could have Mexican chicken meatloaf.
Aww, thanks Peter. And it is much better for you too…and won’t cause you to wrinkle up from all the sodium.
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Charlotte’s comment makes me happy in my pants.
And so do you, you hawt mess. We are two of a kind.
I’m making this tonight
We sure are. We are both how and hawt messes.
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Those Mexicans… what will they think of next?
They didn’t think of this! I did.
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Yumm, Mexican Meatloaf. That sounds awesome! I would also suggest that some Tecate’s dipped in lime and salt would be a great accoutrement.
I LOVE Tecate. I always order it at a bar here, Bar Pilar, and my friends make fun of me (with love, of course). Whatever. I want some cheap Mexican beer from a can sometimes and I refuse to be judged!
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I strongly believe in canned beer. It is just so damn versatile. And, if you are really in a mood, you can always quietly shotgun a can. Lol. Go Cheap Can beer! WoooT
I may have cut my lip shotgunning a beer in college. MAY.
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This looks awesome! I can’t wait to try it out….
Let me know if you do!
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Oh girl, I was totally voted Most Intellectual in the Class of 2000 at our shared alma mater. And yes, it was because I was a total bitch. And, I mean, smart and whatever.
No wonder we get along.
<3 <3
Bitchy means smart in Rhody, apparently. Ugh.
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that looks really good – thanks for posting it.
I got voted Class Clown at are silly Senior Breakfast – fabulous, I was hoping for best dressed.
This revelation does not surprise me. I think my brother was class clown? Suffice it to say, we were very different.
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Hey, nice! I’ll have to give this a go. For many years I’ve used a recipe, from Mom, for microwave-cooked turkey meatloaf that always comes out perfectly, and never, ever dry. It makes little 4″-5″ rounds that are just right for taking as a lunch, along with some veggies.
So this looks like a great way to broaden my horizons on the topic.
Microwave meat kind of scares me…not going to lie.
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“…enjoy sitting at home watching your reality TV shoving microwave dinners in your mouth…”
How can you not enjoy a night spent with The Hills and a Lean Cuisine?! That’s my idea of a wonderful weeknight!
I make so many things with my muffin pan! Crab cakes, cheesecakes, meatloaf. I’m so excited to have yet another use for my muffin tin! It doesn’t look delish but, judging by the ingredients, I’m sure that appearances are deceiving.
Yeah, the caption for the photo even says it tastes ten times better than it looks. Meatloaf is hard to make pretty.
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Okay, this just in. French Fries cooked in duck fat. Wow! Have you ever heard of something so gastronomic?
JP! Healthy eating this month. HEALTHY EATING.
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Okay, when we go back to choking our arteries, this is a must!
I don’t know HOW I will get duck fat at home, but I can look in to it.
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Aww, what a nice post, L …
-You really do seem to have reached that “sweet spot” of intrinsically-motivated fun, receding self-consciousness, personal comfort, and a (mostly – I know that the job has to go) great life. Felicitations!
-I don’t think that you (and Amelia, for that matter) should believe that “intellectual” meant “bitchy” back in our town. I think that it meant “inexplicably uninterested in kowtowing to the ‘popular’ (read: destined for mediocrity, at best) paradigm”, and so I would take it as a huge compliment. I think that I can say (even though I’ve only spent about three days with L and about one confused minute with Amelia, since high school) that you’ve both turned out well. Good job on getting out of that town, both of you.
-This recipe looks delish … ground chicken, eh? You love that stuff.
We talk almost daily…I think you can attest you know me better than most. I tend to use the ground turkey more than the ground chicken. I am shaking things up!
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I had the same kind of label in high school — hated it! The first thing I did when I went away to college was ditch that adjective! But we are what we are and not much really changes that fact.
I think the baby meatloaves look better than you seem to think they do. Maybe a big glop of sour cream on top? Oh, but then they are no longer so healthy…
Maybe fat free sour cream? I was also thinking a handfull of low-fat cheddar in the mix would be good as well.
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JP: it’s all about horse fat for fries, didn’t you know?
I am sure more than a few people cringed at that…
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Microwave meat kind of scares me…
LOL Well, of course it does! It’s kind of a scary concept. But when I was in college with nary a stove in sight, these little gems came through like champs. Except for being topped with tomato sauce, they look (inside) remarkably like your chicken mini-loafs, and take 1/2 as long to cook. Gourmet dorm fare, it was. Still works fine for a few days’ lunches at a go, and doesn’t heat my desert-denizen kitchen unbearably.
Once I try out the chicken types above, I may see about an oven version of the turkey ones… once the weather cools 20 or 25 degrees.
It is like microwaved hot dogs. The smell makes me wretch.
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MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAAH…Duck fat, you say???? Why, look no further than the glory of Dean & DeLuca for such things.
Maybe October can be Enjoy Something Sinfully Rich Once-A-Week month??
Wouldn’t that cancel out September? Look at me, being all reasonable…
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Meat cupcakes? Once again, you’ve inspired me to learn to cook!
I am so tempted to make some sort of joke about liking meat in all shapes and sizes, but…that would not be appropriate.
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Yeah, Dean & DeLuca should have it.
B: Horse Fat? I did cringe, but good on ya for trying new things.
B is full of good ideas.
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I get the same sort of “free spirit” labels as you do. While, sure, it’s partially true, I also get irritated when I’m not being taken seriously. It’s perfectly possible to have depth AND make an ass of yourself on a regular basis.
Yes, exactly. Just because I can laugh at myself and don’t feel the need to assert my intelligence nonstop, I get very irritated when people underestimate me. In many ways, this works to my advantage, though.
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“Free spirit” seems to be a label exclusive to women. The analogous term
sfor menareis usuallymiscreantreprobatebachelorasshole.Men are assholes, women are bitches. I have been called a bitch. I think when people call me a free spirit they mean something totally different.
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This is why I love you though…when I talk my crazy talk about wanting to do things differently, you not only get it…but you don’t secretly think I’ll die alone at 80 living on a farm in Nevada with my fluffy cat and a giant poster of Sawyer in my bedroom….my only consolation being my friends great grandchildren coming to visit “Kooky Auntie Kassy” and bringing her those little vials of Baileys she loves so much and listening to her yammer about the sunsets and that one cowboy who tends to her garden.
Instead, you offer to live there WITH me!
And we start a band. An old ladies who sing Mexican melodies band.
Duh.
Love you.
Dude, because you KNOW I will hang my poster of Javier Bardem next to your poster of Sawyer and we will stare at them all day long as we drink our Bailey’s. I mean come on now…that is the life. xo
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I’m there. Request Don Draper hung next to Sawyer and Javier, thanks.
Don Draper…swoon.
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People always call me a sparkplug and that i’m so cute they just want to put me in their pocket. so weird
I always say I want to put little people in my purse. More room in there…
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I think free spirited is always a compliment. As for the meat cupcakes…sounds exactly like the kind of thing that would make Nick swoon. Seriously. If I said, “Honey, I made you meat cupcakes,” he would probably burst into song.
Would there be a choreographed dance as well? That would be awesome.
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I want to go, too. Can we move somewhere straight out of Boys on the Side?
I might want Duchovny for my poster. He’s dirty.
He is addicted to porn. I can deal with dirty–i LIKE dirty–but no thanks on the porn addicts.
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J – I’m writing this from Lemmonex’s purse. It’s pretty roomy in here, once you shove aside all the lipsticks and whiskey bottles.
And I want to be a part of this desert commune, it would be like the Golden Girls of the Damned.
But at least you are not thirsty!
Can we get monogrammed jackets? Please?
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I don’t know HOW I will get duck fat at home, but I can look in to it.
Very simple: roast a duck.
Thanks Peter, but I think I will have to roast multiple ducks for enough grease and I am just not ready for that.
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brilliant. i wanted meatloaf for dinner and my husband said he couldn’t wait the hour and a half for it to cook, and then i got to work and read this– i totally ruffed your idea and made turkey meatloaf muffins and they were awesome.
I love hearing when people actually try my recipes. Glad it worked out.
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I made these for lunch this week and they are FANTASTIC.
Also, we have a vat of duck fat in our fridge. I shit you not. Also, duck prosciutto in process (hanging in cheesecloth from one of the shelves) and homemade Cassoulet. C’mon over.
Duck fat IN YOUR FREEZER! Dude, I am there.
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