I have a bizarre and wholly unfounded fear of the police.
Besides one near run-in with the law (which is a story we shall save for another day), I have managed to keep my official record shockingly clean. Being a bit of a social outcast with an overeagerness to please in high school kept me out of a fair amount of trouble. And since then? I can only attribute my clean nose to an excessive amount of good luck. I have never robbed a bank or done anything unethical, but as an impulsive woman with a defiant streak, I have made my fair share of questionable decisions. As I type this, I am knocking on enough wood to fill a lumberyard.
Alas, this fear of the police has zero basis. An ex would become agitated every time we would drive past a parked police car or walk past a cop on the street; I would reflexively tense. Their mere presence causes a clenching of teeth and a tightening of fists. My response to them makes me seem guilty, even when I am minding my own business. I have a few guesses where this fear comes from–a father who loathes the police, a general disdain for authority–but I hope this is an affliction I outgrow.
In actuality, I should be ten times more fearful of the foodie police. I speak out against bacon, I use Splenda and Egg Beaters and I like really trashy junk food. These are not things any self respecting foodie should admit to…but what can I say? I am a rebel that way.
This recipe breaks a few rules, for sure. Instead of the normal all purpose flour, I kept it healthier with the use of whole wheat flour. I swapped out one of the eggs with egg beaters and threw in some unsweetened cocoa powder for added flavor. This was a really tasty, healthier version of banana bread that I would definitely make again. (Thought next time, I may add an extra banana…) I was so pleased with how this came out that I made the decision to pawn half of the loaf off on Ryane lest I devour the whole loaf within a matter of days.
These broken rules garnered some excellent rules…and thankfully, no one was arrested.
Whole Wheat Chocolate Banana Bread
Adapted from All Recipes
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup honey
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 eggs (or one egg and 1/4 cup egg beaters)
1 cup mashed bananas
1 3/4 cups whole wheat flour
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 cup hot water
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
In a large bowl, beat oil and honey together. Add eggs, and mix well. Stir in bananas, sugar, and vanilla. Stir in flour, cocoa and salt. Add baking soda to hot water, stir to mix, and then add to batter. Spread batter into a greased (I used Pam) 9×5 inch loaf pan.
Bake for 55 to 60 minutes. Cool on wire rack for 1/2 hour before slicing.
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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Still laughing….Before I read the article I thought it was a meatloaf.
Be not afraid of our friends in blue. I once was fearful of the express/implied authority they represented. Now I more or less party with quite a few of them on a regular basis. How things change…..
That would be a very dry meatloaf if that were the case…and I am working on the fear.
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I just mentioned this on Shannon’s blog–I have had quite a few interesting cop run ins…while high (looong story and long time ago), while drunk (complete with photos posing on the cop car that he took of me and my friends at our request)….
….I have had a fake ID confiscated and had to go to court (he never showed)…BUT I have also become friends with a few cops and while their complete possesion of power is terrifying…they are not all scary.
In fact, within in the past 4 months I have had to call the cops because of the peeper…and I went into a cop station on my own to get a “clue” for a scavenger hunt. That was embarrassing but they were really kind.
Depends the cop. Some are utter and complete assholes just because they can be and some are amazing and really here to serve and protect.
I find locksmiths scary. DUDE THEY ARE CHANGING OUT LOCKS?!
That banana bread looks amazing. Bees knees!
Shannon’s post actually kinda got the wheels turning on this one, honestly. Also, I love “bees knees”…I am trying to bring it back.
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Aw, I live to inspire. And Kass, how can you be afraid of locksmiths? I love the lock shop around the corner from my office, it’s like Mayberry in there. Actually, I hope to marry a locksmith. It would be very practical – I’m forever losing my keys.
There has to be some joke in here about unlocking your heart.
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Agreed, totally depends on the cop for me. Even now they make me tense up, mostly because it used to be that chances were I WAS doing (or holding) something illegal. Old habits die hard…
You will always be a bad kitty at heart.
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All I can say is, if your fear of cops keeps you baking bread like this, than I will continue to happily be your pawn.
You are too kind. Thanks, Ryane.
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Shannon–But what if he is CRAZY or has a crazy son or nephew or daughter?! They’ve got full access to your house. NOOOO thank you.
AAAAAAAAAAH.
Paranoia strikes deep, baby. I maybe trust too much.
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I don’t know if anyone caught TrueBlood last night or watches it on the regular but I got a kick out of the scene where a vampire hypnotizes a cop, takes his gun, schools him on vampire etiquette, and makes him piss his pants. Can vampires eat chocolate banana bread?
I don’t watch. Aren’t vampires kinda…1998? Just sayin’.
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Even as I smell my brownies baking in the oven, I could just about kill for a piece of that chocolate banana bread right now. It looks divine! Picnic fare?
It could be…though it does look like it is turning in to a desert picnic!!
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“In actuality, I should be ten times more fearful of the foodie police. I speak out against bacon, I use Splenda and Egg Beaters and I like really trashy junk food. These are not things any self respecting foodie should admit to…but what can I say?”
I would say that one could not be a true “foodie” unless one had a firm handle on such wonderful lowbrow items. We must take a stand against those that are self confirmed “foodies” thinking that to be a “foodie” one can only appreciate a higher tiered confection. I say damn them for not being real. A true foodie should know the joys of PBR, moon pies, and splenda. At the same time being at tackle a complex 7 course dinner at a 3 star Michelin restaurant with the same joy. I will join you fight against the “mall security guards of the food world.”
Mall security guards! Love it.
I love foie gras and sweet breads, but GOD DAMN if I don’t like dirt pie as well.
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I don’t watch. Aren’t vampires kinda…1998?….
You mean like Ben Folds right?
Burn! You done good, DF.
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Heyyyy Vampires are HUGE right now. Twilight Series, the film, Tru Blood–its all about the vampire baby.
I missed the memo. Isn’t Twilight for teens? I am not hating, but I could not get in to Happy Potter at all, so I am hesitant.
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“Gourmets simply want to eat the best food, whereas foodies want to learn everything about food, both the best and the ordinary, and about the science, industry, and personalities surrounding food.”
Though this is from Wikipedia, it represents my point quite well. Rock out with your dirt pie Lem!
I do think the phrase foodie is overused, but I think that is a good definition.
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So a guy in a uniform comes up behind you on the street, pushes you against a wall, slaps cuffs on your hands, puts a nine to your head and says, “Spread ‘em!” you’re going to be nervous? I used to do that to all my dates. It was hilarious. Really.
Well, if I knew it was all a game, I think I could get behind it…so to speak. I think firemen are hotter anyway…
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Lemmy dilemma:
Cop with tattoo sleeves, scarred face.
Nervous excitement.
Wow, that would be such a tough call. Sometimes nervous excitement is a good thing, yes? I would have to go for it.
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Yep its “young adult” but along the lines more of Buffy (the brilliant tv show not the horrific movie) than Harry Potter. I personally couldn’t get into Potter either…great writing but not my personal taste.
Twilight is like Buffy-Angel-Anne Rice lite.
But yes, 2008 has been the year of the resurgance of Vampire culture.
Its crazy out there!!
I am learning new things daily bc of this blog. Viva la Vampire!
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Kass – You know, I never thought about locksmiths being able to get into my house. I’ve been stalked three times now, I should have thought of that one!
And I’m not a foodie, I’m a gastronaut.
Dude, I have never been stalked. What am I doing wrong?
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You’ve never been stalked?
To the best of your knowledge.
Look behind you, Lem!
Well, it is true…I do have some lurkers here on the site who NEVER speak up. I see you! Say hi, people.
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if ur bringing back “the bees knees,” can you bring back “the cat’s pajamas” while you’re at it?
Sure! I don’t know if I have any real influence with these things, but I will certainly do my best.
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I think I evacuated my bowels just by looking at that bread.
Why? It is a chocolate bread! I don’t get it.
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Not implying it wouldn’t be tasty, if that’s what you mean…
But whole wheat+chocolate+banana…it’s a recipe for delicious disaster.
Sure, I can see that…fair enough.
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- You should definitely tell your brush-with-the-law story sometime, if it’s the one from way, way back in which I’m featured. I give you permission.
-I (and I think many others) also clam up around police. I don’t think we’ll do too well when (if) this is rolled out: http://tinyurl.com/3uhba2.
Oh, I was going to ask for your permission. Thanks for beating me to the punch!
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Boy you are one untamed rebel with substituting one type of flour for another and using an egg beater instead of an egg (I kind of like the metal bits for their crunch). No wonder you are so afraid of the thin blue line. When will people learn that fruit and vegetables are not meant to be put in bread and cakes? Jam on the bread? OK, but jam in the bread? Not ok. Same with bananas. Or apples or carrots or zucchini. If Moses hadn’t broken the third tablet on his way down from Sinai this commandment wouldn’t have been lost to posterity. Darn butterfingers. Sigh.
Oh, jman…I am not saying I am living life on the edge with some egg beaters…but people often don’t like it. No need to be dismissive. I made other tweaks as well, just didn’t point them all out. I have never claimed to be reinventing the wheel here.
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Silly wabbit. I was teasing you. Sorry if it came out like I was chastising you. Sometimes you can’t see the tongue in my cheek on the printed page. Aside from strong views fostered by a palate about as sophisticated as a 2 year old’s, I would never be so rude as to be mean to you on your blog (which I greatly enjoy I might add) or anywhere else for that matter, I would hope.
And I enjoy when you stop by. I actually don’t mind it when people challenge or disagree with me here, as long as they aren’t actively cruel. Luckily, that has only happened a few times, so if you ever wanna slap me around a little, feel free.
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Just one last question – as someone who substitutes egg beaters for eggs, where do you stand on substituting cheese graters for cheese? And would it matter if it was a topping say as with pizza as opposed to inside say as with a cheese omelette?
I think graters are very hard to digest. Wouldn’t recommend it.
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Don’t let a few bad apples in law enforcement make you weary about the rest of us. We are actually good people.
I know there are some good ones. Thanks for the reminder.
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