Posted in Other Fun Reads on August 6, 2008
I awoke this morning stark naked and hugging my laptop.
Just another Wednesday morning, kids. Note to self: one should not take shots on a school night.
But all is not lost! My column, I Try It So You Don’t Have To, over at So Good debuts today. Of course, being reminded of what I ate almost made me lose my breakfast, but hey, I will suffer for my art.
1:29 pm on August 6th, 2008
Crap. I can’t read this.
Damn firewall!
Dude, you work for the man.
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1:44 pm on August 6th, 2008
I awoke this morning stark naked and hugging my laptop.
Pictures ….?
It will cost you.
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1:46 pm on August 6th, 2008
I never wanted so much to be a laptop….That being said, I hope you drank a LOT after eating potted meat. Blech and double blech. This is going to be a fun (for us) experiment in the human gastronomical experience. Good luck!!!!
I ate it this weekend. I wish I was drunk when I consumed it, for real. Not a good scene.
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1:50 pm on August 6th, 2008
I was sober last night and the photo of potted meat almost made me vomit. Thanks for a delicious start to Hump Day, Lemmonex.
I am here for you, darling.
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1:53 pm on August 6th, 2008
A few years ago I bought a no-name version of a Slim Jim at a convenience store. It tasted, well, strange (not that authentic Slim Jims are likely to be confused with Kobe beef). Out of curiosity I examined the ingredients … first on the list, cow lips.
Cow lips? I think you are joshing me.
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2:04 pm on August 6th, 2008
I think my first post was eaten by the tubes of the internets:
Way to take internet porn to the next level.
Leave it to me, really. It is a god damn miracle I got dressed for work.
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2:06 pm on August 6th, 2008
Potted Meat is something that I saw all the time when I lived in Britain but thankfully, was able to avoid. I applaud you, and your intestines, for doing what my weeny ass wouldn’t even consider for 2 long years. I did, however, get subjected to cinnamon kidney beans on repeated occassions. I suppose the cook in my University dormitory thought it had potential. Let me assure you…it.did.not.
Cinnamon kidney beans? WTF. That is so bizarre.
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2:29 pm on August 6th, 2008
Ok, yuck. I’m glad you tried the potted meat / wet cat food so I never have to, and yet….I’m sorry you did at the same time. Thanks for taking one for the team, Lemmonex!
Seriously, it was way worse than I thought it would be. Next week, something a bit tastier…
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2:34 pm on August 6th, 2008
Cinnamon…? ?! Well, better that than potted meat. At first glance (and understanding that it’s freaking early here), I thought the can said “Made With Chicken And Stuff”. Which, I dunno, seems about right.
Still nearly speechless from the image summoned in your opening line, I’ll use that tasty notion to replace the nasty-even-when-imagined flavor of Chicken And Stuff.
Speechless? Wow. You boys flatter me.
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2:34 pm on August 6th, 2008
I’m guessing about now the the still drunk euphoria is wearing off and the real hangover is beginning to set in. I predict a verrrry greasy lunch in your immediate future.
I need a big sandwich and a hug. AND ADVIL.
And someone to do my job today, because it sure ain’t me.
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2:44 pm on August 6th, 2008
Yeah…cinnamon kidney beans over dry, white rice. Who wants seconds????!?
I honestly think the chef had to be suffering from temporary insanity. Admittedly, I don’t know the actual recipe, but it seemed no more than kidney beans, copious amounts of cinnamon, heated through and served over rice. And there might have been pearl onions in there, but the whole experience was just so horrible I’ve blocked out the finer details. HAHAHA. I did eat some truly fine food in Scotland, but cinnamon beans was not it!!
Yeah, there is not one thing appealing about that. And the pearl onions makes it about 11 times grosser.
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2:47 pm on August 6th, 2008
I’m SORRY I got you drunk, woman! Bartenders show their love through booze… it’s like Grammas and cookies. We can’t help it.
Well, then you showed me a lot of love last night, friend. Christ almighty.
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2:49 pm on August 6th, 2008
Hmmm….so that’s what the remains of lipo sucked fat taste like. Its like something out of the matrix where the machines liquify human remains and feed them to babies that power…..a duracel battery. Doesn’t everyone awake from the matrix naked?
Ha! It totally looks like lipo’ed fat. Ew.
Do you forget things when you are in the matrix? Is that how it works? Bc if so, I definitely was NOT in the Matrix. i sadly remember every drunk dial and text.
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3:07 pm on August 6th, 2008
That is messed up.
Every time I see foods like this, I wonder what the target demographic is. Many weird foods have distinct demographics– anything that is foreign, I understand other cultures eat other stuff. I even understand that there are foods that are cheaper than others and people need to save money, and I am respectful of that.
But potted meat? Seriously? Who eats it? Why? What would make one choose this over say, spam, or tuna? Is there a special recipe that you combine it with certain spices and it causes a chemical reaction that makes it go from vomit to delicious?
You should see if you can find recipes with these foods to figure out what the hell people are thinking when they put it on the grocery shelves.
No recipe could make me want to eat this, but that is a good idea. I don’t get why people would want to eat cold, slushy meat. It really is not appealing in anyway. It does cost $1.20 though…but if I was broke, give me a can of beans.
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3:11 pm on August 6th, 2008
You are a brave woman, good post by the way over there
Aw, thanks Zip!
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3:22 pm on August 6th, 2008
> Still nearly speechless from the image summoned in your opening line, I’ll use that tasty notion to replace the nasty-even-when-imagined flavor of Chicken And Stuff.
Speechless? Wow. You boys flatter me.
Well, you have to remember that I have (a) only samples – and indirect ones – of your loveliness, and (b) an excellent imagination. I try not to flatter, but it was a heck of a nice way to wake the ol’ mental imager this morning.
On the other hand, DL’s Soylent Green notion is entirely terrifying.
Oh, I am quite lovely…no doubt about it. Maybe not at this very moment, reeking of booze and all, but still lovely.
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3:26 pm on August 6th, 2008
Well, there go any thoughts of my big potted meat feast later this week.
On the flip side Lem, thanks for that lovely visual … hump day indeed.
Sorry to ruin your plans, but glad I could brighten your day.
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3:41 pm on August 6th, 2008
Normally, I’d jump at that hug. But I’m afraid that afterwards, when I went outside for a smoke, my shirt would combust from the alcohol vapors that you would pass on.
Pretty please? I think LivitLuvit is gonna have to hug me at lunch…we are getting some much needed turkey burgers.
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4:13 pm on August 6th, 2008
Dude, who has turkey burgers near us?
Juice Joint…but we went to Loeb’s. Oh chicken salad, you are delicious.
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4:58 pm on August 6th, 2008
drunk dials and drunk texts and you still woke up with your laptop?
maybe you were overstating your drunken ‘harms’ after all…
I love my laptop…I will never let go.
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5:03 pm on August 6th, 2008
loving your laptop is fine, lemon. just be sure to wipe it down and clear your browser history every so often.
Oh, I am sure to, fear not. Though I got nothing to hide…
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5:21 pm on August 6th, 2008
I love the new column at So Good almost as much as I love my mind’s eye picture of you sleeping naked hugging your laptop.
That is a lot of love, friend. Thanks.
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7:00 pm on August 6th, 2008
I awoke this morning stark naked and hugging my laptop.
Gee, thanks for posting the results of your check-up there darling.
Out of curiosity, is your laptop a cuddler or a squirmer?
Dude, there’s only one thing better to eat than potted meat: mottled peat. BTW, you could make a great avatar for the series — a pic of you psyching yourself up in the moments just before eating something awful. That’d be an awesome visual, like “OK men, I’m goin’ in…”
Cuddler. I was obviously the big spoon.
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7:54 pm on August 6th, 2008
If you used our utensils to consume this, I hope you did a bleach soak afterwards . . .I can’t contaminate my ice cream with leftover potted meat flavor–the offense!
Yes, bleached and boiled in water. Can you imagine mint chocolate chip ice cream…with a potted meat topping? Because I just did and it was not pretty.
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8:02 pm on August 6th, 2008
Do you forget things when you are in the matrix? Is that how it works? Bc if so, I definitely was NOT in the Matrix. i sadly remember every drunk dial and text.
Well I guess I’m in the matrix cause I don’t remember getting a text….
Your girlfriend is so gonna kill me…
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8:16 pm on August 6th, 2008
I looked at your So Good post at about 6:45 AM, before heading out on the road. Needless to say, my usual motion sickness was compounded by the foul, horrifying image of mushy tripe in a can. Even so, I LOVE the new column–well done!
Well, I am glad someone else feels sick as well. I don’t want to be the only one.
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9:22 pm on August 6th, 2008
Does this mean you won’t be trying Deviled ham any time soon? (its a variation on potted meat that I must admit to having eaten at least once and without retching)
Well, I think I had it when I was a kid, so I don’t know if that counts as trying something new…
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1:18 am on August 7th, 2008
oh wow, my mouth started to salviate reading your so good post. not the “whet my appetite” kind of salivate. but the kind that happens just before you’re about to get violently sick… wow, your constitution is strong and i am SOOO impressed, great first so good post!!
Yeah, I know that feeling well. Glad you still liked it, though.
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3:55 am on August 7th, 2008
Potted meat isn’t that bad. We got it quite a bit in the Navy as the primary ingredient of Mystery Hash. A breakfast of that, fake eggs and fake milk go down easy if you can dump enough Frank’s Red Hot on it.
Worst (Navy) recipe? Blueberry meatloaf. Also, many, many dishes with sugar/salt incorrectly swapped (oh, boy, salt cookies again!) And having had cinnamon corn & dirty rice for dinner yesterday, I don’t see what would be so bad about cinnamon kidney beans.
Lem, doll, next time you spoon the laptop, do remember to turn off the webcam.
Jewcano, the webcam shots were only for you! Why did you sell me out like that?
Salt, in small amounts, on cookies is quite trendy right now…though I don’t think swapping it out entirely is a wise idea.
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9:43 am on January 5th, 2009
[...] always manage to wash my face and brush my teeth, but then pass out clutching something; my keys, my computer, and most often, my teddy bear. I hadn’t spilled a drop of liquid on my sheets, but I guess I [...]