He caught me whispering a sweet nothing to the pile of greasy meat sitting in front of me. The burger didn’t quite know what was about to hit it.
“Did you just talk to your burger?”, asked the greeter/piece of tasty man meat who worked the door at Good Stuff Eatery.
“Yes, I did. Is this a problem?”, I replied, defiantly.
“No, oh, no. Not at all”, he responded, with a grin.
He sauntered away, yet kept coming back to chat. As we engaged in some harmless flirtation, I assessed the place.
The good: We were there mid-day Saturday, prime time for lunch rush and all those seeking hangover food. The line was long, but moved quickly. I was pleased to see Spike, this past season’s love him or hate him contestant on Top Chef, behind the line, jamming along to the music that was piped throughout the whole restaurant. I liked the simple homey decor and the place was clean, especially worth noting since they were slammed.
The condiment bar, just as everyone promised, was great. I was especially tickled by the Old Bay mayo (which has a surprising kick), while K was partial to the srircha mayo.
And the burger? Oh…the burger. It was greasy, it was gooey and it was covered in tasty wonderfullness (aka house sauce)…can a girl ask for more? I ordered the double bacon cheeseburger (don’t you DARE judge me) and I was not disappointed. Seriously, if you are going to do something, do it right and I refuse to feel a bit of shame about tearing through that whole thing. I was worried about the burger coming out well done since they don’t take temperature preference there, but it was cooked medium. Not my normal preference, but honestly, this burger was more about the toppings. Oh, and the bun? Perfect. It held up the the heft of the burger and all the wetness from the toppings. As an added bonus, my new, cute friend brought me napkins a few times without me even having to ask. I think we are in love.
But, to me, the true high point was the shakes. I ordered the Milky Way Malt…and in one tall plastic cup, I found perfection. Before the shake is poured in, the cup is swirled with both chocolate and caramel sauce. The vanilla based shake contains huge chunks of milky way and malted milk balls. When you get to the bottom, you need a spoon to scoop out the pieces of candy, the sauce and the remnants of frothy shake. Seriously, it is heaven. The marshmallow shake is delicious, but in an entirely different way. Where the Milky Way is chunky, this shake is smooth and a tad thinner than a normal shake. This is refreshing; you don’t feel like you are going to blow a capillary trying to suck the shake up the straw. The pair of marshmallows that top the shake are just two little bits of whimsy that warm the heart.
The bad: LivitLuvit tried to warn me as we waited in line, but I didn’t listen: the fries are a letdown. They are serviceable, but that is about it. They are small and there isn’t anything too special about them. I am quite partial to onion rings, so we grabbed an order of those as well. Once again, disappointment awaited me. They tasted decent, but they were all melted together in a tangled cluster, creating one super onion ring. You know what’s NOT hot? Dunking a baseball sized mass of onions into ketchup and tearing off bites with your teeth. Since the shakes are so good, I would suggest ordering a burger and a shake and calling it a day. I was so full (this was the ONLY THING I ate all day Saturday and I still felt sick after I hit the gym), that I think you could skip the sides and not miss a thing.
Final verdict: This is some serious indulgence, but so entirely worth it. The burgers and shakes are some of the best I have ever had and the atmosphere is fun and laid back. Skip the fries. Stay away from my man. Seriously, I have cut bitches for less.
Yes, I realize this is not flattering but I was in a coma.
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Have you ever tried Five Guys burgers? There should be some in your area. Their burgers are terrific, plus you get free peanuts.
Oh, yes. I have tried Five Guys. They are darn tasty…and their fries are better.
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I so was hoping the fries would be better this time around… I wish I could forgive as easily as you, but I simply cannot respect a burger without a perfect side of french fries. Nonetheless, I’m more than willing to go back and wingwoman for you and the Tasty Greeter.
Also, methinks B is a little too proud of his newfound photographer skills:
B: i feel like i really captured the moment. she’s ringed with different mayo’s symbolizing the powerful hold that good stuff burgers have upon their victims.
Luvit.
Yes, you can be my wing and we can just get a shake. Those shakes help me forgive the fries.
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Just reading the recap makes my tummy ache…again.
Next time, I’m just getting a shake, and will beg a single bite off of someone’s burger.
You can beg a bite off mine…
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Burger-biting is illegal in all fifty states, assorted territories, and the District of Columbia.
And I really, really want a burger for lunch now. Curses!
Have one! I won’t tell.
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It’s okay. If Barry can whisper sweet nothings to $240 worth of vanilla puddin’, then I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to whisper sweet nothings to your burger.
That’s what I’m saying! Glad you support me with this one.
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I’ve been dying to go check this out if only to see Spike in action. Is he as douchy in real life as he appeared to be on Top Chef?
I didn’t talk to him, but he seemed to be working hard behind the line. I can appreciate that. He was rocking that damn hat, though.
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Fuck Spike. All this talk means I’m going to Five Guys for dinner so I can get some quality fries.
Thank you and good night.
Did you read the review, darling? This isn’t about fries…it is about the burgers.
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hahahahah. That was fabulous. I don’t even like Marshmallows but now I feel determined to try that shake. =-)
The thing is, I am fine with marshmallows, but I don’t love them. There was just something about that shake.
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Yes I did, but I have fundamental issues with bad fries when it comes to a burger. If the fries aren’t good, it doesn’t matter how good the burger is.
Well, you are wrong. But that is ok…not the first time this has happened. I still like ya, though.
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Damn it. I should know better than to come here before I eat. I am now in dire need of beef. Preferably with peppered bacon and at least 2 kinds of cheese. Followed by one of those Milky Way Malts, which will require a trip to the opposite coast.
MMM, two kinds of cheese? I can get behind that. I think this burger, and I KNOW the shake, is worth the trip.
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Please. When I go to Five Guys, all will be right.
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A GREAT burger is a thing of beauty and like all beautiful things needs to be talked to in calm loving tones. While calmly crooning “I am going to slather you in mustard and douse you in ketchup before I eat you.” may seem like a good idea at the time, it is guaranteed to get you noticed (not necessarily in the good way) in or out of the restaurant.
Any attention is good attention, I say…
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Jealous!!! Glad you enjoyed, though.
You know I wished you were there…
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My perennial bun question: was it toasted?!
It wasn’t…but still really good. Promise.
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Damn east coast and your bun abominations.
But there are lots of good things here! Disney World? The Red Sox?
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i wonder what took the burger craze so long to hit DC. for a few years now there’s been a bunch of places in new york all vying for the title of ‘best burger’.
with a couple of solid months of grilling weather left, i think it’s time to start talking about what makes for the best backyard burger.
I have been dreaming of black and blue burgers…yum.
And DC is behind in everything. The cupcake craze is just hitting now.
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I think it would have only been a problem if the burger had talked back.
That’s happened to me.
This isn’t the first conversation I have had with an inanimate object. I have a list of men a mile long that pretty much offered the same companionship…
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do you mean bleu cheese? cause i can dig on that in a restaurant, but i don’t know if could deal with it on my grill. in the kitchen i can be all quiche’s and baby vegetables, but once i fire up the grill, i get a little cave man.
and “i have a list of men a mile long that pretty much offered the same companionship”… how does the burger talk segue into something borderline… well, i’ll just say borderline?
Uh…you read this blog religiously. You know how it got dirty fast.
And yes, blue cheese mixed in. It is yummm…
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MMM, two kinds of cheese? I can get behind that.
Oh, yes! I’d put a couple of thin slices of medium cheddar on to melt, as I grilled 2 or 3 weeks ago, and as it approached nicely melted, on a whim I dropped some provolone over it. There are better combinations, but it worked, and the provolone melted in a very few seconds.
Some bleu cheese went between the patty and the (toasted, yep) bottom half of the bun, so I guess it was technically 3 cheeses, but only 2 were on the grill. Next time I’ll switch out the Maytag for a soft gorgonzola. Why, yes, I do love cheese!
I really love Muenster cheese on burgers. Also, brie, which everyone mocks but it my burger and I can put on it whatever I DAMN WELL PLEASE.
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religiously? does that mean i read it on my knees?
and i wasn’t implying that it was dirty.
Uh huh…
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Uhm, that milk shake cup is almost the size of your head! The shake alone would have put me in a food coma for 24 hours.
The thing is, I have a very small head. It is deceptive.
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I am not a burger person but I LOVE milkshakes. And wow, the Milky Way Malt sounds amaaaaazing. Also, not an unflattering comatose pic. Shows off your thin arms.
Thanks…I think the visible bra strap really just classes it up as well.
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The burger looks amazing. I could do without the shake, however, but you know about my aversion to excessive sweets.
I’m going to go self insert an arterial splint now….
Yeah, i just had a huge plate of lettuce for lunch. I don’t want to die.
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I really love Muenster cheese on burgers. Also, brie, which everyone mocks but it my burger and I can put on it whatever I DAMN WELL PLEASE.
Ok, you have me thinking, now. (and I still haven’t eaten, blast it!) Muenster is always nice, and would have replaced the provolone, if I had some. But the brie, ahh…
I tend to do both sauteed mushrooms and seriously sauteed onions (carmelized) when I make burgers for people, and either (or both?) would be nice on a juicy patty topped with a double-cream brie. I also commit what some think is a near-crime by using brie and bleu in the same thing (on the same cracker, same bit of rosemary bread, whatever), and would do that here too: either a layer of gorgonzola between brie and patty, then melted down; or crumbled blue mixed into the meat, and topped with brie before it’s taken off the grill.
I am here to make you think. I never met a caramelized onion I didn’t like…and I enjoy a man who takes his cheese seriously.
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DC’s eateries confuse the hell out of me. How many hamburger places are there? What I wouldn’t give for a decent fish taco…
On the PS tip, though — How much are those delicious-sounding shakes?
There is a decent taqueria on the Hill… Taquieria Nacionale. It is where La Colline used to be.
Yeah, those shakes were $5.95. My lunch cost me $18.95…thank GOD it was the only meal I ate that day.
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The door guy is Dominic. CB and he are besties, since we spent most of our first visit chatting him up to swing the Spike introduction.
And it was my only meal of the day too. And that shake is better than anything on earth. Except a burger with fried egg on it, om nom nom nom nom.
I almost got the fried egg burger…I should have.
Dominic and I are in serious love. I kid you not. If he wasn’t cute and funny to begin with, he has a tattoo on his forearm. He also said I was “funny…a cool chick”. YES I AM. Please marry me, good sir. or at least comp me a shake.
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Disney World? Red Sox? You might as well add Congress to your list of things to love about the east coast.
I know…I am grasping at straws here. Clam chowder? The lack of earthquakes? Seriously, I suck.
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CAJUN gorgonzola burger, cheese in the middle.
Best. Thing. Ever.
PS, we’re going back for Dominic.
Oh yum. To the burger and to my boyfriend, Dominic.
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It is where La Colline used to be.
OMG, you give directions like a Rhode Islander!!! I haven’t heard this since college…
Whisper sweet nothings, eh? I didn’t picture you as a sweet-talker. More like: “Shhhh. Don’t let your toppings be gentle with my hands, cuz they’re not gonna be gentle with you.”
BTW, hair’s looking longer and more tousled. We like.
I do give directions like a Rhode Islander…it is true. I also call a turn signal “the directional”.
Truth be told, I am not really a sweet talker…at all.
The hair has already grown. Feeling much better about it.
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DC now needs decent pizza!! I have yet to find a decent pizza place — well Matchbox is as close as it comes.
But I mean like a good New York Slice —-
Have you tried 2 Amys? Pizzaria Paradisio? Comet? They are all really good. I think wanting NY pizza outside of New York is like wanting fresh seafood in Kansas… but 2 Amys is the shit.
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I like your arms. I may take them for myself.
You can have them, but what do I get in exchange?
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In the words of Vincent Vega, “Five dollars for a milkshake? And that’s just milk and ice cream? They don’t put bourbon in it or nothin’?”
Phil, you don’t understand. it is miraculous. REALLY. It was worth it.
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I want to go Dom hunting, too!
I really just want another milkshake – watching you make goo goo eyes at each other is a bonus.
Oh, we are already calling him Dom? And I am a good maker of the goo goo eyes.
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What I want to know is if the burger is better than the burgers at Palena. I don’t remember any cute waiters that measured up to the likes of Dom at Palena, though.
I may have to try this place just for the milkshake. It’s been years since I’ve had a milkshake, but I can still taste that gooey sweetness! Something with serious chocolate would be nice.
I finally had a Palena burger…I do not think they can be compared. Palena is high end, this is just grease…delicious grease. And yes! Get the shake…seriously.
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jealous. that cheeseburger looks ri-cock-ulous, and I mean that in the best possible way.
It really was…and I know you do.
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I am going with you and LiLi next time. That chunky Milky Way shake is my siren song. Can. Not. Resisssssst.
Slurp, slurp, slurp, bitches.
Seriously, that shake would make me renounce Jesus if I believed in that sorta thing.
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Zip: you have to try Vaces pizza, in Cleveland Park. It’s really good, NY style pizza…
Good call. That is some seriously good pizza. I love it there.
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Lemmonex! You’re killing me with all this burger talk!! I’m in the midst of reading “Animal, Vegetable, Miracle” and am newly all-consumed with revamping my entire diet to embrace more organic, locally grown fruits and vegetables and other hearty, healthy foods.
And then I come here and all those thoughts go out the window, and I just want me some good, greasy meat.
Thanks. Thanks a lot!
Leave it to me to make people chuck their ideals out the window.
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I thought there would be stretchmarks from dropping 100lbs or whatever it was, but I guess not, eh.
You are a serious fucktard, Raphael. Does this make you feel better? And I have said I have stretch marks. My weight struggles have fucked my body up big time. You are not pointing anything out to me I don’t know.
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Not that it matters… If they were there you wouldn’t have a chance in hell to see them, you sac-less douchebag.
Thank you Donatello.
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