I have never really been a girl who “wants her mommy” but it was time in my life where that was all I wanted. I wanted, desperately needed, my Mommy.
I was walking to meet a potential new roommate and I was truly a wreck. Not only had I broken up with my live-in boyfriend (hence the need for a new place), but I was embroiled in a spectacular falling out with my two best friends as a result of the break up. They were true believers in the “you can stick it out and make him change” school of thought, where I fell squarely in the “I need to get the fuck outta dodge ” camp. I was running, not stopping, not collecting my $200…saving myself. It was a dark time.
As I walked to meet this woman, Annie Birdie, I stopped and sat on a brick wall and called MamaBear. I needed a place to live and so desperately wanted her to like me. My mommy gave me a pep talk and off I went. Annie was, of course, great, we hit it off, and the rest is history.
The past two years with her have been two of the best of my life. I sometimes feel I barely know the person who walked in that door, defeated and raw. A lot of these changes have to do with her; she is way more than a roommate. She is a friend and confidant and a million more things that are too private to share here. She was just what I needed as I started my new life.
I couldn’t be happier that she got engaged a few weeks ago, but I am also heartbroken. There are a million things I will miss about her–the way she tells a story, the million bags she seems to carry to work, her refreshing candor, how she always makes sure we have plenty of ice cream–and I know life won’t be the same. I, of course, knew this day would come, I just didn’t think it would come so fast. I came to her broken and she was part of the healing. I hope her fiancee knows every day how lucky he is.
The night she announced her engagement, we made dinner. Sunday dinners are commonplace for us, but this one was bittersweet…it was ushering in an end of an era. We made this shrimp (delicious, simple, bright, and light) and watched one of the Sex and the City DVDs for the zillionith time. As we plucked the shrimp off the skewers, there was laughter and a sense of familiarity one can only have with someone who has watched you weep. I will miss those nights together, but know she will always be part of my life.
And I will always be thankful to my mommy, for forcing me to walk in to that apartment, to take the leap and trust someone else.
Grilled Ginger Lime Shrimp
from Cooking Light
1/2 cup fresh cilantro leaves
1/4 cup thinly sliced green onions
2 tablespoons chopped peeled fresh ginger
1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
1 tablespoon canola oil
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon dark sesame oil
4 garlic cloves, chopped
1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and chopped
1 1/2 pounds large shrimp, peeled and deveined (about 32 shrimp)
Cooking spray
1. Combine the first 9 ingredients in a food processor, and process until coarsely chopped.
2. Combine cilantro mixture and shrimp in a large zip-top plastic bag; seal and shake well. Refrigerate 30 minutes.
3. Prepare grill (or grill pan).
4. Remove shrimp from bag; discard marinade. Thread shrimp on each of 8 (8-inch) skewers. Place shrimp skewers on a grill rack coated with cooking spray; grill 5 minutes or until done, turning once.
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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Thats awesome you had such a great roommate and I hope you find one as equally as awesome. I know all about the friends who want you to stick it out – they are no longer a part of my life either.
I can’t enjoy this recipe – allergic……..
Yep, if it isn’t going to work, it isn’t going to work. I am not in the business of molding a man to what I want him to be.
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Did you serve them with a salad, or all by themselves? This seems like dinner tonight, but I’m not quite sure what it would be good with (or on top of).
We served it with a black bean salad: black beans, can of corn, a diced tomato, cilantro, green onion, jalepeno, some salt and pepper, I think a squeeze of lime…very bright and good.
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You can never change a man – it will never happen – my ex did get a lot of nice clothes out of the deal though — he was such a shitty dresser when I met him……..
Yes, maybe you can change clothes, but you cannot change much else.
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It’s funny how you meet your bffs sometimes- my gay bf and I moved in together in college, and a month later I moved right back out, into the first available place I could find. Three years later, two of those girls are two of my bestest friends.
Life is funny sometimes, but it ALWAYS works out. Silly life…
Life is wacky like that. I met one of my best friends ever, Old Man, during freshman orientation at GW. Still talk to him all the time. We have been through some serious shit together. Who would have thought 18 year old me could spot a keeper? Thank God.
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If you aren’t compatible with someone, then you’re just not. It’s better to walk away than to wind up resenting each other.
As you’ve heard me say, doubts are good. A lack of doubt is how one winds up in a white dress in front of an Elvis impersonator in a wedding chapel in Vegas, marrying a man who you only dated for six months and who proposed over giant Russian beers at the Brickskeller.
That happened to a friend, yeah…that’s it.
You cannot force a shoe that doesn’t fit. It is shocking to me how many people do this.
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why would you want to change somebody anyway? that implies that you know what they ought to become. let’s face it, most of us aren’t even all that sure what we, ourselves, should be.
and try some dried cranberries in your bean salad. a few weeks ago i made a three bean salad with dried cranberries. at one point some girl says to me, ‘you’re the guy who brought the bean salad? my friend wants to make out with whoever brought that salad.’
None of us really know ourselves fully, I agree. I kind of like it that way… Keeps me on my toes.
Cranberries is a great idea.
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Oh Lemmonex, where have you been all my life? I think we might have lived each other’s lives.
I, too, know that feeling of just needing, desperately, to Get. The. Hell. Out. of that live-in relationship that was just all wrong.
It was, at once, a very dark and very bright time in my life because it was the beginning of things becoming so much better, so much more beautiful. Good on you for having the strength to do what you knew was right for you, regardless of what others said.
Well, now we have found each other!! When you live with someone is is harder because there is just so much more to untangle. It is why too many people stay too long. I will say there is one good thing about it: once it was over, it was over. If you move out, there is none of this getting back together/break-up dance thing. Packing your shit up is pretty final…thank God.
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Those are the very best kind of friends, and that is very good shrimp…I’ve made it! (well, a very similar recipe really, but I will try this one, as well).
Yes, they are the best. Thank goodness she is just moving to another quadrant.
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I know you just needed to hear a kind word and some encouragement. You are one of the strongest people I have ever known. There are certain times in in persons life, that no matter how old they are, they still feel like they need their Mommy. Saying that you needed me at that time just gives me one more reason to say I love you!
I love you, too, Ma.
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Hi Lemmonex,
I just recently discovered your site, and I’m so glad I did…we relate on so many levels–from your love of cooking to your weight loss (I can’t tell you how hard I laughed when I read your bio about “spending years working on your personality instead of laying off the queso…” LOLOL!!), and of course, the craziness that is boyfriends and dating. So, I’ve decided to stop lurking…and start writing.
This post brought a tears to my eyes…simply cause we’ve all been there, one way or another. I’m glad, in the process of being temporarily broken at the time, you found a wonderful friend that will be there for you for the rest of your life–in the process, helping you heal, making you only stronger…and that’s a wonderful thing…
The shrimp looks delish…will probably make it soon!
Hi Kimberley! It is so strange how these things work out, isn’t it? Life is full of wonderful surprises.
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I’m now so very hungry. Thanks.
Besides my wife, I’ve never had a roommate that I’ve really liked that much, so I think you’re very lucky.
I am lucky. She even seems to find my predilection for gansta rap charming.
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You’re right: People shouldn’t waste their time trying to change the folks that they’re dating. I’m glad to see that getting out of that bad situation led to you meeting a dear, true friend.
That shrimp recipe looks great. I think I’m going to try that this weekend.
Instead of trying to change someone, find the right person. I would be pissed if someone tried to change me…it is insulting to the person you are with. I love to swear and I am a raging flirt…deal with it or don’t date me.
Let me know how it turns out!
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Hey I made the Chicken Shawarma recipe from the newest Cooking Light and it’s awesome, just a heads-up.
I will need to check that out. I spent a week in San Fran in college and ate an obscene amount of shwarma…sooo goooood.
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Some people just go together like grits and gravy, rice and peas, or this dish and a crisp Alsacian Pinot Blanc. Good things and people usually find eachother.
Sometimes they find each other drinking too much on a school night, but oh well.
I don’t think you or I would ever drink too much on a school night…ever.
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No wonder you felt so alone – it’s terrible that your friends were imposing their beliefs on you to the point of not supporting you and your needs as a friend. I’m glad you found someone amazing as a result of it, though.
Yeah, it was pretty craptacular. Honestly, that hurt more than the break up, but whaddya gonna do?
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If you were able to walk away from “best friends” giving you bad advice as well as a guy you wisely knew you couldn’t change then you have my respect. It takes a lot of strength to do that, even with help.
I am quite sad I cannot eat shrimp, dying is something I would like to postpone but you would never know it *liver cries out as I daydream about my next scotch*
Thank you. Where this moment of clarity came from, I have no idea. I have made some extraordinarily bad decisions in my life, but somehow, when things were in the shitter, I was able to stay strong and keep it together.
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Jewish. No shrimp! (But bacon … well, that’s a whole different things, am I right?)
And because your mom reads this page regularly, let me make it clear that that charge of breaking and entering a convent with intent to deflower was completely bogus and was maliciously brought and therefore ought to be expunged from my record. One day.
Mom is used to it, don’t worry.
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I vividly remember my marriage crashing down around my head and thinking “must get out now.” Later, while watching my boys frolick in my yard, I knew I had made the right decision, even though family and friends were doubtful. Sometimes you must travel through hell, or worse, before you can find peace and happiness.
On the recipe: Is it the camera or did the grill marks not come through? Maybe the pan could have been hotter?
Were do I find the three bean salad. I want chicks to throw themselves at me for my cooking (as opposed to my body).
We always know in our gut what to do. Sometimes, it is just hard to face.
You can see a few grill marks if you look closely. The shrimp cooks fast and I was just trying to snap a good photo before they became overdone.
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Alas, I’m allergic to shellfish, but never your writing. Lovely.
Kris, coming from you, that is a wonderful compliment. Thank you.
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Everyone, say it with me … “Awwwwww.”
Congrats, Annie Birdie!
Yes, I am a smooshy marshmallow.
Annie thanks you.
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Oh, and, perhaps more importantly … good job, Mama Bear.
Yes, good job indeed.
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I love your candor and honesty. I trust your Mommy appreciates the fact that you think to consult her when the chips are down. I hope someone equally likable comes into your life as Annie starts her new life. Maybe this time you will be the one doing the saving. There may be another girl out there right now calling home.
I can’t imagine a better final dinner. The shrimp look perfectly cooked and the seasonings are perfect.
I have faith that someone lovely will enter my life as well. No one can replace her but I know there are plenty of good souls out there.
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I remember those dark days and you had my respect then and now– you knew what was right for you and I give you major props for being true to yourself even though it meant you’d have to start over. I know it was scary and lonely, but you did it! You are a great gal and I have much hope that the right guy (who will love your flirtatious demeanor and potty mouth!) is out there!
I have a seafood “aversion” (part allergy, part my undeveloped palate) but I think hubby would love this– maybe I will make it for him as an anniversary treat!?
Aw, thanks Jenny. You know what, I need to have you kids over for dinner…I cannot believe it has been a year!
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