Along with the chocolate peanut butter rice krispie treats for 4th of July, I threw together a black bean hummus. It is something I have made a million times and could probably assemble in my sleep. My friend Foxy Moron commended it, and I found myself apologizing for such a lackluster effort. Hummus is tasty, but it sure ain’t rocket science.
“Ugh, I just felt uninspired. I wasn’t feeling it this morning. I’m lazy”, I said to him.
He began laughing, and retorted, “I am imagining you on a date, hating him, and then sending a dish of hummus back to take your place.”
If I had a dollar for every freaking date I have been on where I desperately wished I could send a vat of bean dip to take my place, I would be a rich woman. This act would say something along the lines of: “Hey dipshit, you bore me. You are uninspiring. Take this and some carrot sticks and I hope you have a lovely freaking life together.”
Come to think of it, I could spend the rest of my life with some hummus. I am sure my trusty bowl of puree would be a loyal, constant companion. He tastes good, I am sure he is faithful (though he may cast a sideways glance at a bag of pita chips, I am sure I would always be number one in his book) Seeing as he is an inanimate object, he would stay out of my way and would never smart off. Of course, he wouldn’t clean up around the house and probably would provide minimal physical satisfaction, but I know enough bars where I can find someone take care of my carnal desires…
So, this is where I am, kids; contemplating a future with a container of hummus I have anthropomorphized. Yet hummus seems just a bit too dull, yes? Just about anyone can procure herself some hummus, but sometimes you just want something a tad more exciting. Safe is fine, but I am the kind of girl who wants her heart to skip a beat.
Could this black bean dip with lime be the answer to all my heathen prayers? Now, of course this is still a bean dip, and how truly exciting can that really be? To that, I say a lot more god damn exciting than most men I have met recently. I whipped up a batch of this to cart in for lunches a few weeks back. The lime is bright, the carrots add a nice textural contrast, and the Tabasco give it a touch of heat. A handful of baby carrots, some pepper strips and grape tomatoes were a perfect compliment to this insanely healthy, yet filling, lunch. There is NO fat in this.
Let the love affair begin…
Lime Bean Dip
Adapted from Cooking Light
2 (15-ounce) cans black beans, rinsed and drained
1 cup grated carrot
1/2 cup fresh lime juice (about 2 limes)
1/4 cup finely chopped green onions
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1/4 teaspoon salt
Black pepper to taste
A few shots Tabasco sauce
Place beans in a food processor, and pulse until almost smooth. Combine the beans, carrot, and the remaining ingredients in a medium bowl, stirring until well blended. Let stand 30 minutes. Serve with baked tortilla chips.
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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
You had me until the cilantro. Never got a taste for cilantro. But I would probably try it once because black beans are a goodly piece of heaven. If I eat two servings, we need to consider honeymoon locations. Three, and mom can live with us. Four? You get a weekend boyfriend.
You could leave out the cilantro. It wouldn’t be quite the same, but still good.
I would like to go to the Turkish Islands for our honeymoon, please.
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Bean dip in place of a husband. Hmmm. Having been married then single and now married again I can say that good bean dip is definately better than a bad husband. But, if you do find a good potential human mate, you might want to just keep the bean dip on the side.
I think most things are better than a bad husband…except, perhaps, coconut cake.
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Hmmm. On this I can relate. I’ve been on dates and had relationships were I wished I could be with food (usually BBQ or guacamole) instead of the person I was with.
“Jesus, could you be more boring? Plus your wearing white shoes. Excuse me, waiter, can I exchange her for the calamari? Thanks.”
It’s of course tempting at this point to send you photos of me in my secret superhero outfit (ratty shorts, an old college t-shirt, and a vacuum cleaner), but I’m trying to keep it classy around here.
Hang in there Lem. I find love and attraction tends to pop up when least expect it.
Guacamole is all that is right in the world.
I am hanging in there–this isn’t a lament where I say “I NEED A MAN NOW”…it is more a commentary on whats out there. Not that I am all that special, either.
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Mmm, this sounds delish, like a fresher, better version of the Wegmans black bean dip that I’ve been known to devour in one shameful, solo sitting. I don’t know about the name (Can it be a hummus without chickpeas? If so, why not just call all dips hummus?), but I don’t care – I would love it if it were just nameless black-beany sin.
Incidentally, re: cilantro, did you and Michael know that the taste of cilantro is such a disagreeable topic because of genetics? It seems that some of us (not me, thankfully) are predisposed to perceive an unpleasant, most often ’soapy’ flavor to the miraculous leaves of the coriander plant. This interesting article that I found through Wikipedia goes into it in more depth.
The more you know!
The tahini makes it hummus, methinks.
Cilantro is one of those flavors that is really divisive–like olives, anise, and good old coconut. People always have strong opinions on them…
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A good bean dip goes a long way… I think I’d have to go with guacamole for my eternal dip of choice, though.
And queso could be your dip “on the creep”…
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I’m going to need at least a seven-layer dip for a life partner.
Must you be so demanding?
MMM, seven layer dip. So trashy, so delicious.
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Besides the fat naturally in black beans, eh?
Jane, the amount of fat in black beans is negligible. So negligible I have seen many cans of beans lost “0″ for fat. The recipe at Cooking Light says this whole recipe has .1 g of fat. Though a technicality, I would argue this is a fat free dip.
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Spot on: on creeps with Queso, even while proclaim love to other dips on the cell while half dressed.
Freaking bean dip…just like every other guy.
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Its quite the opposite for me. I usually get the urge to trade in my girl for some food, like a good spicy guac, this hummus, or the inexplicable urge I had this weekend for a mister softy ice cream with chocolate sprinkles. Well, given the heat this weekend maybe it wasn’t so inexplicable.
Chocolate sprinkles are yummy, but I like it dipped in that chocolate shell coating.
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Frecks needs seven whole layers of dip? Hello, high maintenance!
I had Safeway brand queso dip for dinner last night. Clearly, I’m classy.
You know, Safeway has a really good black bean and corn salsa…I judge not.
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In your sack dress.
No sack dresses for me. Ew.
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Chili con queso!!! Oooo, I’m so bad, someday I will be a cougar/milf/ordering pizza with “extra anchovies” and it shall be my pool boy…
HAHA. I will be right there with you, sweetness.
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Oh sweet god! Cilantro is coriander? I adore coriander! I put it on many things–eggs, fish, chicken. It’s a wonderful, highly versatile spice. (It is more versatile than my mind obviously. Surely my food knowledge is more limited than I imagined.)
And by all means we will do all the Aegean islands, darling. But, uh, not Lesbos. I’m the jealous type. When can you be ready?
Yes, coriander is cilantro…learning is fun. And no need to fret-I really am not in to women that way. My friend Bitchy calls me a “10 on the hetero scale”.
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If I were to choose an inatimate life partner (and I am not far from that position either) it would have to be a 2003 Grand Cru Burgundy, DRC if you please.
This is because you are far classier than I.
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I don’t NEED seven layers – I just have a problem with picking only one thing. I like variety.
I could live off of Velveeta and Rotel. Until I had the massive coronary.
Variety is the spice of life, as they say. I ahve issues with choosing as well.
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Saute some ground sausage first, then mix in the rotel and velveeta. Sausage queso. Yum.
Like I said, I’ve enjoyed many dips, spreads, etc. in my life. But I’ll always have a thing with queso.
If queso is wrong, I don’t want to be right, Bates.
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you may be giving my bb hummus a run for it’s money. lime sounds like a fantastic addition to it with the lemon juice. why didn’t i think of that? and i don’t think anything is wrong with having hummus as your bf. My hummus has been a a constant companion to me since college.
No one can beat your hummus, Dig. Do you think hummus spoons well? Knows exactly what to say to me when I am sad?
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Hummus has a small cock. I’m going to Chipotle now. Bye!
Don’t mess with my man.
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You’re a 10 in any league, beloved.
Your check is in the mail, Michael.
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I have never had hummus – it look unappetizing to me for some reason – so I have never touched it
Zip! Come on now. You cannot rule something out without trying it. It is fairly benign.
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Ahhh I love me some hummus. My Israeli blood practically pumps on this, shwarma, and falafel. Mmmmm mmmmm.
I love falafel. Not in the Bill O’Reilly sense though…
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Ha! Let’s never forget the falafel thing …
I never could, dear. Never.
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I’ve been looking for something new for lunch, and voila! here it is. I’ll bet you have some great ideas for what to do with the bag of tortillas I just bought.
Tortillas…yum. I am seeing some kinda sprout filling…some kinda dip or guacamole.
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When you walked into the cafe, even your motion was entrancing. Your hair flowing atop your bare shoulders, the way the dress snapped about your heels. Already I could feel myself intoxicated.
We talked for minutes. Hours. Days. We entertained. We amused. We enraged. Glances were stolen. Caresses offered, and taken, flesh pressed on bare flesh just out of the sight of innocent strangers. It was like a night out on the cliff face, blasted on absinthe and laughing into the abyss. We were greedy, hungry like children, then.
With a trivial pretense you strolled away, I, mesmerized by the night, awaiting your return. My mind lingered over details minutes old, my heart drumming with naked lust. Never could I recall wanting a woman more.
And then came the note. And the bean dip.
Jewcano, you are on a roll. This is fantastic. (You should write more, ps.)
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I’m so locked in to this being all about food, that I thought you said bars where can find someone to take care of your “caramel desires”.
Well, I do have caramel desires as well.
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