I am just going to come out and say it.
I once killed a bunny.
I was 8. Winters in New England are very cold. My brother and I had begged our mother for three rabbits the summer before, but the responsibility of caring for them was less than glamorous in the bitterly cold weather. I hated feeding those damn rabbits. I just wished…it would go away.
Oreo was the last rabbit standing–Greyhound and Angel had already retreated to the open field in the sky–and LittleBro and I took reluctant turns scooping pellets, unbundling hay and dropping lettuce and carrots in his cage. Angel and Greyhound had died mere months after we took them home, but Oreo, that bastard… he would not release his grip on life.
The days got colder, the burden grew heavier. I found myself secretly hoping Oreo would shuffle off this mortal coil.
One night, I went out to feed him. He seemed mighty tired; he didn’t even jump when I opened the cage! The next night, he was still “sleeping”, but I felt a sinking in my gut. By night three, it was time to admit the cold, harsh truth to myself: Oreo was no longer with us.
I sobbed. I wailed. Little Lemmy, age 8, a telepathic murderer. I had willed the death of an innocent and fluffy soul.
It truly is a wonder I can even face a head of lettuce or a bunch of carrots. They were Oreo’s one pure joy before I abruptly ended his sweet and innocent life. Luckily for me, like most childhood traumas, this unfortunate situation has been mostly repressed, so lettuce and carrots have been lovingly welcomed back in to my world. Praise be!
It would be a damn shame to not be able to enjoy these lettuce wraps; my life would be a bit bleaker. These super healthy wraps are bursting with flavor and a snap to make. Your meat and vegetables are all neatly contained in an edible wrapper and you don’t have to feel an ounce of guilt when you are done eating them. These are perfect for a quick week night meal.
Enjoy with a beverage of your choice…and pour one out for Oreo.
Asian Lettuce Cups
Slightly Adapted from Steamy Kitchen
Filling:
1 lb ground turkey
1 tsp minced garlic
1/2 tsp grated ginger
2 cups frozen carrot/pea mix OR red/yellow bell peppers, finely diced (we used peas and carrots)
2 stalks, scallions
1 green apple, finely diced
The Sauce:
1-1/2 tablespoons Hoisin Sauce
2 teaspoons soy sauce
1 teaspoons sesame oil
2 teaspoons rice wine vinegar
1/4 tsp ground pepper
1 tsp Sriracha hot sauce
Bibb lettuce for wraps
Heat wok on high heat with cooking oil. When oil is hot, add scallions, ginger and garlic and fry a few seconds until fragrant. Add chicken and fry until 80% cooked through. Add vegetables and cook 1 minute. Add sauce ingredients. Let simmer for 1 minute to thicken slightly. Add apples. Toss to coat. Immediately remove from heat. You don’t want to “cook” the apples – keep them nice and crunchy.
Serve with lettuce cups and shaved carrots.
9:23 am on July 11th, 2008
I made chicken and lettuce cups this week. And I also have white square plates. Are we the same person?
Yes, we are, but you were not supposed to tell people.
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9:38 am on July 11th, 2008
I’m an absolute sucker for PF Chang’s lettuce wraps- glad to have a recipe I can make at home!
When we were little, my parents got us a fish tank and warned us not to touch the little fishies, or they would die. For some reason, (probably because they told us not to), my sister and I were completely infatuated with touching the little guys. And very soon after, of course, they’d die. And we’d get more.
Sick and twisted, children are…
Oh, we had fish too! And a houseful of other assorted animals, but that is a story for another day…
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9:56 am on July 11th, 2008
Sob…how can you tell a story about a dead bunny when you post a recipe we made together? You know my feelings on that subject. Now I’m having flashbacks to Bunny and Bun-Bun (yes, we were super creative with our rabbit names). Bun-Bun lived to be about 16, by the way.
This is delicious, but it is a SUPER light dinner. I would recommend rice or something on the side if you’re planning on having even one glass of wine or if you tend to get hungry late at night. Also, the sauce is really good and the original recipe didn’t have as much sauce as you would normally find on wraps in a restaurant (I don’t know how much you already accounted for that, Lemm), so in the future I’m probably going to double the sauce and start with the amount recommended, but add more slowly until it gets to the sauciness I like.
Yeah, I tweaked it a bit to make more sauce, but I agree…you may need to add more. Thanks for chiming in on that. And, uh, yes, if you are the kind of person who drinks with dinner, you may get seriously messed up if you only have a few of these. Not that this happened…
And I am sorry about the bunnies, Irish.
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10:08 am on July 11th, 2008
Ah, memories.
When I posted something like this, everyone assumed I had impregnated someone.
……?……….
People read what they want…believe me.
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10:18 am on July 11th, 2008
As I was reading your account of poor deceased Oreo I was secretly hoping that you’d give a recipe for rabbit stew. How evil is that?
You know, as I wrote this, I was like “people are going to think I am about to post a rabbit recipe”. But that would be seriously messed up.
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10:18 am on July 11th, 2008
My Asian people are geniuses.
That makes you half genius.
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10:33 am on July 11th, 2008
Peter missed a lay-up with the “shaved carrots” line.
Yes, yes he did…but I am glad he contributes a bit more in this neck of the woods.
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10:40 am on July 11th, 2008
I too have killed a bunny in my past. Must go and brood over the guilt.
You are a sister in arms…we can grieve together!
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10:42 am on July 11th, 2008
Love the Snoop Dogg reference–Very gangsta
I am straight up gansta, biotch.
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10:52 am on July 11th, 2008
Little did you know that at a mere 8 years of age you got a taste of the lifecycle of marriage.
Stage 1: I want, I want, I want [rabbit/boyfriend/husband]
Stage 2: This sucks
Stage 3: Die already goddammit!
Stage 4: Realization that you killed him slowly, painfully, criplingly
I cannot wait to kill my first husband.
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11:04 am on July 11th, 2008
Don’t feel guilty. Rabbits are good eatin’! Where’s my hassenpeffer….
Oh man, I hope Irish isn’t reading this. I agree though.
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11:09 am on July 11th, 2008
Yes. Half genius. Half mandingo.
Wow, you went there.
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11:44 am on July 11th, 2008
gorgeous! thx for trying recipe!
It was awesome…thanks for making it!
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11:49 am on July 11th, 2008
Don’t feel bad. Remember good ol’ Franklin the fish whose water i never changed? The radiator got my room to warm and that eventually killed him. However, according to many it was me not changing the water that did him in. Oh, and i was 22, not 8!
These look yummy. I had something similar minus meat at a vegan restaurant in nyc this past weekend and they hit the spot. You’ve inspired me to take a stab at it…haha.
Holy mother–I forgot about Franklin. Didn’t he also jump out of the bowl? Poor thing.
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12:06 pm on July 11th, 2008
Franklin didn’t jump out of the bowl…but i wouldn’t have blamed him if he did! After a few years of mourning appropriate for a fish who lived for 3 years and after i decided i would be proactive in bowl cleaning, I got my next fish named Taft. Poor Taft died kamikaze style within moments of being transfered into the bowl by repeated slamming himself into the gravel. It was so traumatic I don’t think i’ll ever have another.
Whoa, Taft must have had some sadness in his past. That is terrible.
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12:38 pm on July 11th, 2008
My first thoughts ran to a movie, a small child, a boiling pot, and a woman scorned.
I love that movie. Even I would never do that to a poor bunny rabbit, though.
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1:59 pm on July 11th, 2008
Poor little rabbit
Nice Snoop Reference……..
that looks yummy, printing out for the grocery trip this weekend.
I am glad people got the reference, though it was not a hard one.
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5:00 pm on July 11th, 2008
Murderer!
My man Sherlock (a large brown tabby cat) loves bunnies to death. He brings them to me. I feel quite guilty, but I know a cat’s gotta do what a cat’s gotta do.
Oh, we had a cat who did that too. The kitties cannot help themselves…it’s nature, baby.
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5:59 pm on July 11th, 2008
Doesn’t everyone have a rabbit story? We left our best bunny with a neighbor while we went to Kiawah Island for a couple of weeks. When we got home, they had to explain to our daughter that they had last seen said bunny in the jaws of a very happy husky who lived down the street. Hey, that rabbit was in a cage with a latch. I say someone got tired of feeding him and decided to make the husky’s day. We had other rabbits after that, but never one that measured up to the brown bunny that became dogfood. We also had a sample of every rodent on the planet before we reaffirmed that we are really just dog people who once had a good relationship with a rabbit.
This is why eventually having kids scaring me…having to explain that Bunny became Alpo.
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10:54 am on July 12th, 2008
If that is all that scares you about having kids you haven’t thought it through much yet!! Try having a step daughter ask why her daddy never married her “real” mommy, where babies come from, or worse than bunny alpo conversion – have the dog die from some massive seizure while she is walking it!!!
That is one of a million things that scare me. Maybe my mom can just raise my kids and I can see them on holidays…
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5:27 pm on July 12th, 2008
I had a buddy whose family were poor goat farmers in south texas. Went to visit once. Great time, especially the rabbit stew. Watching his mom kill and dress the rabbits: a little more traumatic.
In the grand scheme of things, you’re alright.
Yes, I didn’t have to touch the thing to kill it. Good on me…
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5:32 pm on July 12th, 2008
I am nearly peeing my pants at DF’s comment. Oh, and this post made me BEG to order lettuce wraps at Doc Chey’s last night (but I got vetoed–Jason likes edamame too much, and I wasn’t willing to sacrifice dumpings, one of my true food loves).
The things we forgo for true love.
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4:54 pm on July 13th, 2008
MamaBear might be on board with the raising the kids thing…… but I think you and I may need to have a ‘conversation’
Fear not; no conversations necessary.
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8:34 pm on July 13th, 2008
You forgot the taco bowl.
Also, rabbits are better for jambalaya than stew.
The taco bowl? What?
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12:50 am on July 14th, 2008
Uhhhhhhh…. you killed rabbits? Hi, I’m Badger, and I killed a rabbit. I was too interested in the Atari that my parents bought at a garage sale in 1989. And I killed three rabbits by leaving them to cook in the sunshine while I played video games. I have never owned a game system since then, for good reason. They kill rabbits. And make me a sinner. And everytime I play a video game, I think about dead rabbits. And really, that is a conversation killer if I ever heard one. So I won’t bring it up again. But the rabbits. So innocent.
Innocent, yes, but I am sure the Pong was probably worth it. How I loved that game.
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10:32 am on July 14th, 2008
I love it.
Let’s hope ‘badger’ doesn’t have any children….”Kids, I’ll be going in to the arcade for just a little bit..you guys hang out in the car. Here, I’ll crack the windows a bit….”
Haha. Don’t worry–he gives the kids matches and broken glass to play in while in the car…they have fun.
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