“I am never driving anywhere again!”, declared SuperBoy yesterday.
This declaration came about 7 hours in to our 10 hour journey home yesterday.
His six-year-old mouth is allowed to utter words my 27-year-old one could not, but yes. I agree with him. I never want to be in a car again. The open road can kiss my ass.
I really did do my best. Honestly, I tried. I attempted napping, keeping my mouth shut, reading, cracking jokes. SuperBoy held it together well, Aunt LifeSaver exhibited the patience of a saint, and sassE handled the whole situation with aplomb.
But ten hours? Ten God forsaken hours? There was no need for this. It was if the whole state of New Jersey was attempting to find it’s way back to DC. My stomach hurt from the tragic combination of lack of a real dinner and a weekend filled with boardwalk confections. My ass was numb. At one point it took us two hours to move NINETEEN MILES. Around hour 8, it was as if my spirit levitated out of my body. I was not Lemmonex anymore, but a broken, defeated sack of bones.
I finally thought we were in the clear when we pulled in to DC. This is when SuperBoy vomited on me. How poetic
The car ride, and it’s spectacular denouement, left me yearning for a simpler time, a time when all was right in the world, when I did not know the horrors that lay before me, a time when I was enjoying my trip (which I did, greatly), a time when my pigz in blanketz destiny was fulfilled.
I have never made pigz in blanketz myself, and sassE charitably taught me the ropes. She also insists is pigz in blanetz, NOT pigs in blankets, as she is straight up gansta. Aunt LifeSaver had the genius idea of sprinkling some of them with a salty herby mix and she created a dipping sauce of dijon and maple syrup. (It was good, trust me. Kinda like honey mustard). Ya know, we had to keep it klassy.
So, while I may have had the worst car ride home in the history of car rides, I will always have my beloved pigz in blanketz.
Pigz in Blanketz
1 package mini wieners (this is the ONLY way to go)
1 package crescent rolls
Optional: poppy seeds, sesame seeds
Preheat oven to 350. Cut crescent rolls in to strips (about 1/2 inch wide). Wrap around wieners. Lay on cookie sheet which has been sprayed with Pam. Bake about 10 minutes, until golden brown. Gorge thyself.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
{ 1 trackback }
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
SuperBoy asked if he could walk to school today – WALK TO SCHOOL!? This is the kid who resists walking to the dog to the edge of the yard. Now, I would consider the idea that his Type-A little head thought the car still held the foul stench of his sick. He wasn’t aware that I had cleaned it while he slept. But the thing is – I was not driving him to school. The trauma still lingers.
One day fond memories of Whacka-Mole and these Pigz will erase hurt… It can’t come soon enough.
I will never quite be the same after this trip, nor will I look at your car the same way.
[Reply]
If it makes you feel any better, I cannot smell you from here.
That is largely due to the scalding hot shower I took last night. I have no skin left.
[Reply]
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Love pigs-n-bs. Love them. Love love love love them.
When they’re served, I often am left plotting how I can eat more of the offered number without anyone being shocked. I don’t even pretend that people might not notice – such is the obviousness of my … piggishness … I just hope that no one goes from saying, “Wow, that guy really likes pigs in blankets, almost a little too much,” to, “Dear God, man, save some of that swaddled meat for us, for Christ sakes, and while you’re at it, try to pretend that you have some dignity.”
I love to see these served at a party – they scream playful unpretentiousness, and plus, like I said, they’re delish. I won’t mention how this may be your least complicated recipe yet
– I’ll just say that I’m glad you posted it.
Yeah, this totally is not even a recipe, but as evidenced by you, they bring people joy. Delicious joy. I also go ape shit for them. I served them at a house warming a few years back and they were, by far, the biggest hit.
[Reply]
I have to wonder at times if it isn’t you Lemmonex that puts the whole jinx thing on driving. Need I remind you of alligator guts, urination, your brother barfing; lest we forget how you couldn’t see because you hadn’t turned on the head lights, slamming Papa Bear’s finger with the car door, and that was just one trip! I’m just saying…. And yes, I must agree, pigs in a blanket, they are good, very good!
I cannot drive. I am a klutz and sometimes even a spaz. This does not make me a bad person. I like to believe it adds to my charm. Why drive when I can save my fabulousness for other things?
[Reply]
Whack-A-Mole should be an Olympic sport!! Portable DVD player with head phones. Y splitter for sharing.
Only way to make Pigz in Blanketz better is to put them on a stick. Fo shizzle. No…wait…than we are sneaking up on corn dog territory…..
I actually learned this weekend I have quite a talent for Ski Ball. Not so much for the wacking of moles…
[Reply]
after many a bridal shower, bachlorette party and wedding in jersey (how was it again that 3/4 of the kids we went to school were from the armpit??) this is what i know is true:
the jersey turnpike and 95/northeast corridor on sundays (or mondays on long weekends) in the summer is the closest i’ve come to hell.
these pigz look delish and are a wonderful plan for the 14 million heeb nat’ls i have left over from my beebeeq. classie (my preferred spelling) indeed.
Yes, it was Hell on earth. Hell I tell you! MMM…more pigz…can I come over?
[Reply]
i have long described that road as the seventh circle of hell. each time i have made that trip i am tempted to just get off the road and get a hotel until traffic dies. the thought is dismissed because it would mean sleeping in new jersey.
We passed a place called “Holly’s Motel and Restaurant” and considered checking in and staying for breakfast. Thank God the Motel and Restaurant had equal billing, which also suggests they are equally awesome.
[Reply]
I love me some pigs in blankets–but I never thought of putting poppy seeds on them. Brilliant! P.S. I miss you. I can’t wait to get back on Gchat (stupid IT people, delaying my Lemmonex time, grrrr).
The IT overlords cannot keep us apart!
[Reply]
Tuscan Boule Bread…..it was complete heaven. I can’t wait to reheat it for lunch today!
[Reply]
it is very wonderful ,i like it vey muchvibram five fingers
nfl football jerseys´s last blog ..2009 Pro Bowl-Peyton Manning White NFL Jersey
[Reply]