Mom, You May Want to Skip This One
May 14, 2008 by Lemmonex
I cannot actually eat at my favorite Thai restaurant in DC. I love the food, the menu, the location. I quite love everything about it except it is the place where dreams go to die. The place is a black hole for happiness and I avoid it all costs. In fact, it’s name cannot even pass my lips as I fear some sort of epic repercussions that are akin to whispering Voldermort…
I have never had a good date there. Not one. Yet one in particular stands out.
He asked me what hair products I used, commented on my purse by brand, ate about three bites of his food, insulted my career, made disparaging remarks about my outfit, and name dropped through out the evening. If this were not bad enough, the night ended with him asking if he could please maybe just stick the tip in. A grown man, in his 30s, said this to me. This is no way to treat a lady. The only response I had was, “Do I look 17 to you?” To this day, my friends mention the man we have deemed “The Tipster” on a regular basis.
You may be asking yourself why I am sharing this indignity. The reason is two fold: it is damn funny and I like to think of myself as a cautionary tale. Ladies, this can happen to you. If you have a man, hold on to him tight. It is not pretty out here. One moment you are enjoying some tasty Asian delicacy and the next moment you are are trying to rationalize with a drunk man who wants to play hide the helmet.
Seriously, Mom, I warned you.
Though the restaurant is dead to me, Thai food is not. I’ve taken matters in to my own hands and found a Thai recipe I can make at home that tastes just as good as anything you can get in a restaurant, better in fact. I found this recipe on Adventures of a Food Slut (great name, eh?) and followed it religiously except for two adaptations: I swapped tofu for shrimp and reduced the amount of noodles. I have made Pad Thai several times and it has always been good, but not great. When I found this recipe, I know the woman had got it right. It is catsupy and pink, slightly sweet and a tad tangy. The sprouts and carrots are abundant and in fairly equal ration to the rice noodles; you don’t have to feel an ounce of guilt while eating this. Also abundant is the amount of food this recipe garners; I ate this for two dinners and four lunches over the course of a week and still had plenty to share with my roommate. I was really pleased with how this turned out…
…and nothing involving any tip happened as a result of making it.
Pad Thai
Slightly Adapted from Adventures of a Food Slut
13 oz Thai rice noodles
2 cups mung bean sprouts
6 Tbsp ketchup
6 Tbsp lime juice
2 Tbsp brown sugar
1/2 cup fish sauce
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 lb cooked shrimp, chopped finely
2 eggs
2 cups shredded carrot
1 bunch green onions, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
chopped peanuts, crushed red pepper, sugar and vinegar, if desired (I skipped this)
Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Remove from heat, add rice noodles, and soak 2 to 3 minutes, until softened. Meanwhile, place bean sprouts in a strainer in the sink. When noodles are softened, pour over the bean sprouts in the colander. Set aside.
In a small bowl, whisk together sauce ingredients: ketchup, lime juice, brown sugar and fish sauce. Set aside.
Wipe out the pot, return to heat, and add vegetable oil over medium-high heat. Add shrimp and cook for several minutes, until just turning pink. Drain off most of the oil, just leaving a trace amount of oil. Whisk eggs lightly and add to pot, quickly scrambling. Add noodles, bean sprouts, carrots, green onions and sauce. Toss several minutes to distribute vegetables and sauce, until heated through.
Serve with chopped peanuts, crushed red pepper, sugar and vinegar for topping, if desired.
Any time you swap out tofu for shrimp is a good time.
…though it does look like you stuck the tip… of the chopsticks into the pad thai.
I did not even notice that. I guess that makes me The Tipster now.
That experience may have put me off of Thai food altogether. My skin is crawling for you.
Yeah, it was something, let me tell you. I certainly manage to get myself in to some special situations.
Thanks for this! I’ve been wanting to make pad thai, but most recipes are really long and complicated, and ask for ingredients I wouldn’t really keep around the house.
And I guess what you’re saying is I ought to hold on to my man by cooking pad thai for him — good thing he likes shrimp (insert your own, “that’s why he’s dating a shrimp, you shrimp” joke here).
This is really easy and quite good. I hope you like it. And if all you have to do is cook pad thai for him, do it. Make it a million times.
So for my b-day dinner, my sister’s thai boyfriend cooked us some panang and chicken teriyaki. I need to make some home made pad thai though…I used to hate it because I had bad pad thai, then I had some good pad thai. I like that word, pad thai. Can you tell?
Pad thai, pad thai, pad thai. It is kind of fun. And this is good, seriously. Promise.
Scandalous.
I still feel guilty about this guy and partly responsible, since we met the Tipster at my bachelorette party. Oh well - we were bound to attract the weirdos that night.
The food looks delicious, though!
You know, I never thought of blaming you for this! It was all your fault. Man, what a freak and you know the parts I left out as well. Yowza.
So I had to read this like 5 times - I thought “stick the tip in” referred to him paying the tip for the waiter after dinner. Sigh. I think I’m too innocent for this blog.
I was once innocent too, Ellie. Then guys like this happened…
omg…tipster…tooo much!!
….that seems to be a classic dc douche line…
xoxo
The Tipster will live in my heart always.
1) there’s a bar I go to with friends, but never dates because the food/drinks/ambience is great but I have NEVER had a good date there.
2) That looks good. Real good. If you can cook Pad Sew I’m coming over.
3) WTF? The date was THAT bad and yet you still let him go back to your place and were fooling around enough that he suggested the tip game? srsly?
I love pad se yu…yet have never seen a recipe that looked like it would taste right. The hunt continues… As far as your last comment, there is a bit more to it than it seems, yet I know, it was shady. I never said I make good decisions when it comes to boys.
I am almost to flabbergasted to comment…almost. I might have said that while wasted in college, or at least asked you to finish what you started (only if you had in fact started it and /or were mostly naked at the time). Men will say the dumbest things when aroused.
“He asked me what hair products I used, commented on my purse by brand, ate about three bites of his food, insulted my career, made disparaging remarks about my outfit, and name dropped through out the evening.” are all signs to A. Run away. B. Slip out when you went to the restroom.
Thanks for the “p”. Love some Pad Thai!
I know! I am sometimes not very smart, and honestly, I was very amused by him. My friends often say they think I do stuff for the stories; I am just need to see what may happen. I think this was one of those cases, but the tip certainly caught me by surprise. I am learning.
“Add shrimp and cook for several minutes, until just turning pink. Drain tofu on paper towels, and discard all but a trace amount of oil.”
I’m confused. Didn’t you take the tofu out? Should that say shrimp, or do the shrimp not need to be drained? How did you do it?
Nope, I had a typo there. When I edited the recipe I got a little turned around. Should make sense now. Thanks for pointing this out.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
and
Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!
in that order. Thanks for the entertaining tale and the P.T. recipe.
I’m really a people pleaser at heart…glad you liked.
Wow, THIS is a story. I can’t wait for more to come next week…we have lotssss to catch up on. This recipe looks deslish.
Oh, Dig, you know there is more where this came from.
Lemmonex, you are a chef after my own heart! I *love* pad thai! But, I had yet to find a good, easy recipe. And now—viola! Brilliant.
I’ve definitely tried a few and this was by FAR the best. I eat sub par pad thai so you don’t have to…glad I could help.
Quick question - that’s a good bit of ketchup. Any way to swap out some or all of it for another ingredient? BF is a tomatophobe, and, well, I apparently need to keep him.
I think you could maybe cut down a tablespoon or so, but the proportions are pretty perfect here. This does not taste too tomatoey, more tangy. The fish sauce cuts the ketchupiness…
My Word! I stopped reading this post at “play hide the helmet”. Not because I’m offended. Oh no! I’m alughing too hard to go on! Absolutely hilarious. And whatever you cooked. I’m sure that’s lovely too… Thanks for the laugh.. seriously… thanks!
I am glad I can laugh about it now too.
Thai stirfried food is my absolute favorite even though I’m Chinese. I only cook two things, stirfry (with Thai and other Asian sauces) and spaghetti. I’ve been reading your blog and wanting to try out new dishes, but I still stock up the fridge with the same old ingredients.
Do you have any recipes for overcoming laziness?
P.S. Definitely with you on hanging on tight to a good man. There are so very few out there!
I wish I had a recipe for over coming laziness…I need it. And you are so right re: good men.
The BF and I made this over the weekend.
One thing to note is that this recipe moves very, very quickly - in our case, the eggs stuck to the pan almost immediately. So if you’re a novice, or you’re cooking with a novice (I’m a pretty good cook due to my housewife years, but my boyfriend didn’t even own pots and pans until a month ago), you’ll want to do all the prep work before you even boil the water. And Lemmonex was right - use a large pot. We sent carrot bits flying EVERYWHERE at the end by using a too-small pot.
But, overall, it was very easy, very tasty, and didn’t force us to go out and buy a bunch of ingredients we’d never use again. I’m sure this one will get added to the repertoire.
Thanks, Lemmonex!
No, thanks for the feedback Shannon. Prepping ahead is helpful and I love getting feedback like this; I will remember to include instructions like this in the future. I am so glad you liked it.
You’re welcome - we’ll be a test kitchen for you until you throw us a bad recipe. Then we’ll break up from the trauma and it’ll be ALL YOUR FAULT. No pressure, though.
It is ALWAYS my fault, isn’t it? Dammit.